Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
The weeks have been so busy that I haven't really had time time to fill you in on personal stuff. I've been meaning to but time has been flying. But I'm hoping that things quiet down in the next week or so so I can catch up on some stitching and get back into a gym routine.
Back around Thanksgiving, I made the executive decision to just take myself off the dating market in a way and focus on making friends. I still have myself up on the dating site but this particular one is a "mish mosh" site. Friends, dating, activity partners and the like. This has helped me out immensely. I find that I am more myself and "balls out" and less stressed and anxious about dating. Why am I anxious? Because most guys look to me as a booty call and I don't want to be making that sort of decision under pressure because of the new dating norms. Third date?! Get the hell out! I'm still old fashioned and I think I deserve to be respected. I want to get to know men and see if we really click and I find that after hanging out with someone for a month or so, their true colors start to show. It's hard to keep a facade for that long and things come up to the surface.
At this moment, I'm irritated with this approach. I know it's the right approach for me but I feel like the men I have met lately just proved that they just wanted to get to know me in hopes that I would "come to my senses" and have a relationship or sleep with them. For various reasons, I did not feel comfortable spending time with them other than friends. And I was very honest about that from the beginning. I seem to be a mess magnet. Deep down, I don't understand what is so hard about someone being employed, with their own living arrangement and transportation. I mean, isn't that normal? I've managed this arrangement for over 10 years...on my own! Everyone I've met recently has had at least one of the following wrong...no job, living with parents (at 40 this is not ok), no car or willingness to take public transportation to me or recently divorced with ex-wife still hanging around.
After the last go round, I have no patience for messy men. They have to have a job, their own place or roommate situation that does not involve living with their ex-wife or with parents and a car. I haven't met anyone yet who meets that criteria. Who knew that that was considered picky!
My answer on Tulip Man came swiftly. I was surprised he sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. Was it sweet? Yes. Was it a surprise? Yes.
My Tulip Man started off our friendship with a white lie. He wasn't honest about what town he lived in. Where he really lived wasn't so convenient to me. He seemed like a nice guy despite that and we had fun with happy hours. Each time we met, I paid my own way and there was no intimacy whatsoever. We were trying to be friends. At least I thought so. He was recently divorced with ex-wife drama. Messy and nothing I want to deal with. I admitted what my profession was but never disclosed my last name or where my office was located. So receiving a flower delivery at work was a surprise. He must have Googled me which you know, is kind of creepy. Heck, there's even the chance he found this blog but you know, bad behavior deserves to be outted. We were supposed to meet up this past Friday but I ended up having a conflict. I contacted him with enough time, apologized and offered alternate dates and ideas. Can you believe that he never wrote me back?! I had to text him to make sure he received it because I wanted to be sure he didn't show up and wonder where I was and all he responded was "yep. I got it." No...sorry to hear you have to cancel but I'm busy the times you suggested. NOTHING! I do not have the patience for douchey behaviour. This is his reaction because I canceled yet offered alternate ideas?! I have people flake and cancel on me all the time and I can be very understanding. If they do it a lot, then I get mad. But just once? So it just makes me believe that Tulip Man hoped that I would meet him on Friday night for our late night outing and he would score because he sent me flowers. Umm...what?
I've met two other men since Thanksgiving and they've disappeared after realizing I was serious about the friends thing. I carved out time for them, shared myself (in the form of time and knowledge and ideas) only to be discarded because I "wouldn't give it up". It's disheartening. I'm a really great person who deserves to be respected and treated as a real person instead of a pretty package that guys would like to "tap". So I've been feeling low. I know that I am better off without them and it's probably good that I didn't waste even more time with them and thank goodness I insisted on the friends thing because their true colors shone like you wouldn't believe.
Last night, I strolled the streets of the city with what is becoming a dear male friend. And I shared my woeful tale of these men that have basically made me feel like I am discardable because I won't be intimate or sleep with them. It's a terrible feeling to just want to be liked for who you are and not what sexual assets were bestowed upon you; and basically be cast aside. And he said all the things I was thinking and I am incredibly thankful that I had someone to lift me up when I was feeling low and to be getting the feedback from a guy. I deserve better. I'm a great person and tons of fun with a bazillion fun ideas of fantastic things to do and places to eat in the city. It makes me mad that men can be so douchey when it comes to being friends/dating.
Well, there's more to share but it's bedtime. I'll be back soon.
Until next time...
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
~I have no idea how it's the middle of February. Serious? I must be dreaming. Someone pinch me...ouch!
~I am very anti-Valentine's Day. Those on my FB can attest to the interesting cartoon I posted. So color me surprised when I received tulips delivered at work, some sweet emails from friends and a guilt-free phone call from my mom. It was a nice Valentine's Day. I hope yours was too.
~Don't start asking about the tulips. I'm not quite sure what to think. But they are pretty and brighten up my desk.
~In the past week, I've been told I have to be nicer and that I'm a cranky-pants. *Sigh* I think I'm a nice cranky pants. I say please and thank you and have a nice day to everyone. I just don't deliver all my news with ego-strokes and smiles. So I'm working on being a nicer not so cranky pants.
~I've been very domestic the past week. I made beef stew, minestrone soup and meatballs. On the last, I managed to smoke out the apartment. Do you know that smoke detectors can talk now? So not only do you have to deal with the beeping, you now have some lady yelling "fire, fire, fire" at you while you are trying to open windows and having to climb up a step ladder to try and get it to be quiet while wishing you grabbed a hammer. I'm happy that no one called the fire department because we all know how embarrassing that would have been!
I'm exhausted and scatter brained so the randomness returned. I feel like I've been running nonstop and doing all these fun things but it's been such a blur that I can't totally remember what I even did to share with you all.
I'm shopping around for new glasses. This is hard for me to do solo since I'm indecisive and glasses are a huge part of my look. I like them to be classic yet make a statement. Be a little hip and a little nerdy librarian. I am also a hard fit for the types of frames that I like. Narrow face, narrow nose bridge and most styles don't come with nosepads which I definitely need. This is where I got called crankypants. Some frames made me look like a girl version of Drew Carey. Others had bling. Some had pink on them. Some were weird colors. Some were thin wire. I got it narrowed down to two styles. Either black/clear or brown/teal. One of the brown/teals would be a complete deviation from what I normally go for. Yet, they're fun. I guess I'll decide in a week when they are all here for me to try on at the same time.
I received a lovely surprise in the mail from Sally! Look at this cute little pincushion!
Sally is such a sweetheart. She was looking for a pattern so I let her borrow mine and she stitched this up as a thank you. I was just so happy to help. This is a bonus. I just love it and am hoping this little sheepie brings me some luck! Thank you so much Sally! Sorry it took me so long to post and share.
Well, I've barely had much time to stitch lately. Since finishing up my stocking, I've been plugging along on my new start with every spare minute or five that I can find. Here is what I've completed so far.
Here's my start on Jingle All the Way by Notforgotten Farm. I'm stitching it on 40 count Lakeside Linens Pearled Barley with the recommended DMC.
This weekend is IHSW! Yay! I look forward to this each month no matter how quiet or hectic that weekend happens to be. This weekend will be busy but I have stitching group on Saturday. Yay! I am hoping to stitch more and gab less but we'll see what happens. If you want to join in on the fun, go sign up on Joysze's blog. She does a great job hosting and bringing us all together each month. Thanks Joyzse! :)
I hope everyone is having a nice week. I'm heading to bed early tonight. I've been so tired lately!
Until next time...
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
As I listened to the lyrics, it felt very appropriate as a follow up to my Hope post. So take this as a public service announcement for the week. We all have days we feel low and unsure of ourselves and people say nasty things. Where we want to hide under the covers and shut ourselves from the world. Especially if there are a lot of things going on in life.
But I think that as long as we remember that we are beautiful (inside and out) and that every day is wonderful, we're good. The small things really make all the difference.
The following lyrics are just part of the song...the ones that seemed to speak to me.
Every day is so wonderful...
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed...
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down...
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?...
'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
We are beautiful in every single way. Having a tough day? Just remember that. And have some m&m's and a cup of tea as a treat.
I'll be back with some stitching stuff over the weekend.
Until next time...
Sunday, February 05, 2012
La speranza è l'ultima
cosa mai perso.
Hope is the last thing ever lost.
~ Italian Proverb
So it's no secret that I went through a rough patch for a long while. I don't believe in hiding my feelings on this little blogspace of mine and I've laid it all out there for the world to see. I don't regret it. In fact, I'm kind of proud of myself about that. Honesty is huge in my world...especially after wasting so much time in the most dishonest relationship I have ever been in in my life. This does mean that I say things people don't want to hear. That I may be blunt and to the point. I don't say things to be hurtful though. I say things with my eyes and heart wide open...all for the sake of truth. Life is too precious to waste on lies and innuendo.