Monday, October 30, 2006

The Dark Place...

I feel better. Not better as in I am so full of energy like one of those annoying, make me wanna upchuck, *I feel great* aerobic instructors. But I feel better.

I have my moments where I feel like another awful dating encounter may make me go off the deep end but I've done fine with the cards dealt my way the past few weeks and trust me...they haven't been pretty. But I've come to a conclusion.

It IS about me.

I really, really need to stop the random dating and enjoy time to myself doing the things I like to do. I know I keep saying that but I’m not really doing it. I preach a lot and don’t even follow my own example.

But now is the time! I mean it! It’s darker earlier. It’s cold out. The thought of being outdoors does not sound appealing. It’s truly hibernation time. Snuggling in front of the TV with my blanket, a cup of tea and some sort of project does sound appealing…and I’ve already started.

I’m trying to keep more of my evenings free and taking the time to catch up on my favorite tv shows and just…relax. Something so simple that seems so hard! It’s hard for me to relax. I end up feeling guilty because I’m young and should be out and busy and meeting people instead of home alone on the couch relaxing. But I miss it a lot and I’m getting back to it.

I know I won’t have any interesting stories outside of my everyday, what my projects are and just random thoughts and topics now, but it’ll still be interesting.

Crazy random dating is over! I can’t even take it! And it doesn’t even sound appealing. Not…one…bit! But I am cheap and I am riding out my subscription for 5 more days and then it’s over. Who wants to be dating over the holidays anyways? There is enough weirdness and randomness to begin with. I truly don’t want to be thinking about squeezing in dates with random guys amongst the holiday shopping, gift wrapping, holiday parties and general yuletide craziness. And then there’s the *Do I like him enough to think about getting a present or do I end it now* thoughts when you are starting something new around a gift-giving holiday. So if I’m not dating, I have enough things to worry about!

I am still super-sarcastic, highly cynical but I am not nearly as down in the dumps as I was recently. Maybe because I've found a kind person to talk to who is as sarcastic and cynical as me and there's no pressure for anything other than being myself. That's nice...but so is realizing that only I can make myself truly happy...and sacraficing my *me* time to duds was unfulfilling and was also taking me away from myself.

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