**if you're looking for a stitchy post, come back in a day or two**
The weeks have been so busy that I haven't really had time time to fill you in on personal stuff. I've been meaning to but time has been flying. But I'm hoping that things quiet down in the next week or so so I can catch up on some stitching and get back into a gym routine.
Back around Thanksgiving, I made the executive decision to just take myself off the dating market in a way and focus on making friends. I still have myself up on the dating site but this particular one is a "mish mosh" site. Friends, dating, activity partners and the like. This has helped me out immensely. I find that I am more myself and "balls out" and less stressed and anxious about dating. Why am I anxious? Because most guys look to me as a booty call and I don't want to be making that sort of decision under pressure because of the new dating norms. Third date?! Get the hell out! I'm still old fashioned and I think I deserve to be respected. I want to get to know men and see if we really click and I find that after hanging out with someone for a month or so, their true colors start to show. It's hard to keep a facade for that long and things come up to the surface.
At this moment, I'm irritated with this approach. I know it's the right approach for me but I feel like the men I have met lately just proved that they just wanted to get to know me in hopes that I would "come to my senses" and have a relationship or sleep with them. For various reasons, I did not feel comfortable spending time with them other than friends. And I was very honest about that from the beginning. I seem to be a mess magnet. Deep down, I don't understand what is so hard about someone being employed, with their own living arrangement and transportation. I mean, isn't that normal? I've managed this arrangement for over 10 years...on my own! Everyone I've met recently has had at least one of the following wrong...no job, living with parents (at 40 this is not ok), no car or willingness to take public transportation to me or recently divorced with ex-wife still hanging around.
After the last go round, I have no patience for messy men. They have to have a job, their own place or roommate situation that does not involve living with their ex-wife or with parents and a car. I haven't met anyone yet who meets that criteria. Who knew that that was considered picky!
My answer on Tulip Man came swiftly. I was surprised he sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. Was it sweet? Yes. Was it a surprise? Yes.
Why?
My Tulip Man started off our friendship with a white lie. He wasn't honest about what town he lived in. Where he really lived wasn't so convenient to me. He seemed like a nice guy despite that and we had fun with happy hours. Each time we met, I paid my own way and there was no intimacy whatsoever. We were trying to be friends. At least I thought so. He was recently divorced with ex-wife drama. Messy and nothing I want to deal with. I admitted what my profession was but never disclosed my last name or where my office was located. So receiving a flower delivery at work was a surprise. He must have Googled me which you know, is kind of creepy. Heck, there's even the chance he found this blog but you know, bad behavior deserves to be outted. We were supposed to meet up this past Friday but I ended up having a conflict. I contacted him with enough time, apologized and offered alternate dates and ideas. Can you believe that he never wrote me back?! I had to text him to make sure he received it because I wanted to be sure he didn't show up and wonder where I was and all he responded was "yep. I got it." No...sorry to hear you have to cancel but I'm busy the times you suggested. NOTHING! I do not have the patience for douchey behaviour. This is his reaction because I canceled yet offered alternate ideas?! I have people flake and cancel on me all the time and I can be very understanding. If they do it a lot, then I get mad. But just once? So it just makes me believe that Tulip Man hoped that I would meet him on Friday night for our late night outing and he would score because he sent me flowers. Umm...what?
I've met two other men since Thanksgiving and they've disappeared after realizing I was serious about the friends thing. I carved out time for them, shared myself (in the form of time and knowledge and ideas) only to be discarded because I "wouldn't give it up". It's disheartening. I'm a really great person who deserves to be respected and treated as a real person instead of a pretty package that guys would like to "tap". So I've been feeling low. I know that I am better off without them and it's probably good that I didn't waste even more time with them and thank goodness I insisted on the friends thing because their true colors shone like you wouldn't believe.
Last night, I strolled the streets of the city with what is becoming a dear male friend. And I shared my woeful tale of these men that have basically made me feel like I am discardable because I won't be intimate or sleep with them. It's a terrible feeling to just want to be liked for who you are and not what sexual assets were bestowed upon you; and basically be cast aside. And he said all the things I was thinking and I am incredibly thankful that I had someone to lift me up when I was feeling low and to be getting the feedback from a guy. I deserve better. I'm a great person and tons of fun with a bazillion fun ideas of fantastic things to do and places to eat in the city. It makes me mad that men can be so douchey when it comes to being friends/dating.
Well, there's more to share but it's bedtime. I'll be back soon.
Until next time...
