Friday, December 02, 2005
I need to clean...I mean...it's xmas time and I want to put up my tree...but I just started looking at apartments because...yup, I need to move. I want to move closer to work because the commute is killing me! So should I put up the tree of just pack up my stuff. I mean, I don't want to move right at the new year...just thinking about it freaks me out but at the same time...what the heck am I waiting for. I think I'll put up the tree and just start packing everything else to prepare fpr the day when I find THE place.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
A good friend of mine reminded me that one of the hardest times of transition for someone is when they start a new job and I cannot agree with her more right now. I started my new job in August…3 months ago! I am still trying to find my routine and without a routine…I am a scatterbrained mess. I am behind on calls, emails, blogging and cleaning. I have no time for anything other than commuting, working and visiting with the parentals/friends and making sure I get fed some way or another. Forget dating! I had to take my profile down because I was seriously blanking on whether I had already spoken to someone and what their name was. Seriously! I even went to the point of emailing this guy and telling him it was great chatting with him but that it would be nice to know what his name was (since he never signed off on the emails…HATE that by the way!). After I hit the send button, I realized that he had told me what his name was in his original email to me and I had just forgotten. Ugh!! So then I had to email back and make some excuse. Amazingly…the guy is still talking to me weeks later. Probably because we are both too busy to be starting over with other people and we have enough commonalities. Although, he is a little too serious for my taste…but we’ll see.
Overall, nothing exciting has happened. A couple of dates here and there, a longer commute and just plugging along. My parents are both finally back from their Nicaraguan excursion and in town through the holidays and I was able to escape to Puerto Vallarta for 6 blessed days of sun and nothing else. I’d give anything to be back on the beach. Two days back and I was back to the same daily grind.
So all in all…the same old stuff. Over the past month, I had things to talk about and I would make a mental note of “hey, must remember this to blog about”, but you know what, I can’t f-in remember what the hell those stories are now. So I will just leave it at this.
I hope everyone has a fantabulous holiday weekend and I’m sure I’ll have more interesting things to share after the weekend because, you know…family just does that to you.
Friday, October 21, 2005
It's hard to be bright and happy when you've felt as though your family has been under attack for years and all you want is justice and the right to retain what is rightfully yours.
Many don't know the details or the plight. It's depressing and stressful to talk about and when I do, I get agitated and mad at a man who uses connections for the wrong reasons and a country that is so behind the times. But I will now...the saga isn't completely over. More is to come...and how long this will take is beyond me but I can only hope that what happened today will open the eyes of many who protected the man who took so much away from all of us. From me, my brother, my sister, my mother but most importantly, from my father.
Four years ago, we began the battle to get a house back in Nicaragua. It is a house that has been in our family for five generations. My father grew up in this house and when he was younger, he dreamed of retiring back in Nicaragua. To find some repose after years of difficult blue collar work to support three kids. But after so many years in the states...he got used to the fog and I think a small part of it had to do that he couldn't bear to be far away from me. I'm the youngest...the only one he was allowed to hold right after being born and the bond between father and daughter became forever strong. Sure he drives me crazy and we don't see eye to eye but that's to be expected when there is a 47 year age gap.
About 6 years ago, my father decided to rent the house in Nicaragua. My great-aunt passed away and it was just sitting empty. Renting that house was the biggest mistake of our lives. Never did we think that man who rented the house was corrupt, a liar, an opportunist and a thief. Four years ago, he decided he didn't need to pay rent anymore and that he made enough home improvements to the house that wasn't even his...and improvements which he didn't actually do. And in his sick and twisted mind, he decided that the house was his and that he didn't need to pay rent anymore.
The court system in Nicaragua is still very corrupt. Many of the judges are old timers who were there under Sandinista rule and if someone is willing to grease their hand a little, they'll swing whatever way the money will despite who is right and who is wrong. We aren't that way. We believe in justice instead of out and out greed. The renter was lucky enough to have ties and connections and apparently money since he wasn't paying us rent to be greasing the hands of many a judge and many an attorney. Four years of headaches...four years of lies and four years of fighting to get back a house that was ours...IS ours. My great-grandfather is probably rolling over in his grave at the horror that we were so close to losing this house...HIS house to this monstrous man and his equally monstrous and selfish family. God forbid they WORK to retain property like my ancestors did...all in the hope of providing for their family and their family and so on. THAT house is a legacy! And for four years my father battled appeal after appeal for whatever stupid little discrepancy the renter's attorney could find. In the back of his mind, my father worried about losing out on the legacy...what he had counted on to leave for his family. And today...there was a sweet reward. For two weeks we anticipated the eviction would be today. And we waited with bated breath what the outcome would be. If we would be thrown a wrench at the last minute. We weren't...my father was given the key the night before and went to the house this morning with the judge and the police to take possession of our home.
And I think that FINALLY the judge realized what sort of a BASTARD we had been dealing with for the better part of a decade. What sort of man everyone protected. The fact that we had to plead with the President to ask for help and assignment of someone who could help us in this case. My mother pleaded with the President because my father was too proud to ask for help from a distant relative that he barely knew. Yes...the prez is a relative. My mother wasn't so much...we needed help. We needed a "clean" attorney. We were refused by so many attorneys because the renter was friends with everyone it seemed like, from his Sandinista days.
As with many things...there is a good side and a bad side. The good is that we now have possession of the house. The bad is that he took everything. All the antique furniture my aunt stupidly left in the house because she was to lazy to find storage. All of it...gone. All the wires from the electrical sockets...ripped out. Sink basins and toilets...stolen. Garden....dug up. Water bill and electric bill...left unpaid. He raped my entire family by doing this. He took everything, he sucked us dry. The money to fix the electrical, the garden, change the locks, pay the bills in default, buy an iron gate and hire a securty guard. It is endless. I hope my parents realize that this is done. To fix the house, sell it and just settle here. The only thing that Nicaragua holds for me...for us..is family. There is so much pain. This is the second attempt to get back property. We sold the first...this is the second. If you don't live there...it's not worth it. As beautiful as the country is, the people are opportunists. Who needs to live somewhere where people rob each other in such a blantant disregard of possessions and property.
The destruction was intentional and I hope to God...there being one...that his hand strikes down hard, heavy and precise. Justice still needs to be served in my eyes. Again, we must go through court proceedings to claim stolen property. My mother is besides herself at the loss of all that furniture. I hope this situation opened the judge's eyes. We are not dealing with a "respected member of society". He is a criminal and needs to be dealt with accordingly. May he rot in jail and may his family suffer as much as ours.
My father is thousands of miles away and I feel the intense need to be with him. I don't think he should be alone. He is 77 years old. He doesn't need this kind of stress. He should be relaxing and enjoying retirement instead of working to get a house back to it's former colonial beauty and protecting it from blatant criminals. To putter around the garden, to walk around the house with his TV Guide "bible", to bicker with my crazy mom and to tell me I am right and mom is crazy. I miss my dad. He's been gone since February and even though I was lucky enough to see him for a week in July...that isn't enough. With this second proceeding, who knows when he will come back . His man has robbed months and years of quality time between me and my dad in his golden years. He is not a young man...nor is he a healthy man but my dad is a workhorse.
And from thousands of miles away, I think about how much my dad has dealt with...oftentimes, alone. All for the sake of family...and I think about the man who almost took it all away...who still managed to escape with much...and I feel such deep and intense hatred that it makes me mad and sad. Mad that someone is so fucking blind at the justices of the world and the simple concept of right vs. wrong and sad that I can feel such hatred for someone else and of the time taken away from my father.
I can only hope that justice be served in one form or another...
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
To make myself feel better, I made a pie. No...I wasn't gonna eat the whole pie myself! I already have issues fitting into my pants. But the pumpkin festival is this coming weekend, I love pumpin anything (bread, pie, ice cream,pancakes). Yummmmmmmm! I made the pie to take to work...it was a hit. I knew it would be. Pumpkin pie is easy...and I make a good one. So I kind of redeemed myself.
As far as the curry..."if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". So...I guess I'll try again.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Here's his picture...isn't he dreamy?! His name is George and he's a Crime Scene Investigator. He works graveyard so I don't get to see him much...
Oh was I saying that out loud?! Oopsie...seriously though...isn't he friggin hot! I wish I was a super smart nerdy scientist so that I could clone him and have my very own George Eads.
I am now a CSI addict because of him. Well that and the fact it's a very good show despite the grody parts. I know when, what time and what channel the show is on. Thank goodness for Netflix too. I am on disc three of season one...I got lots of George to watch. Yum!
I am busy! And just because I am single does not mean I do NOT have a life. I resent being made to feel that way. Being single does not mean that work is my ENTIRE life. I am not sitting at home every evening waiting for the phone to ring or replying to endless emails. I am a busy single person. It's good and it's bad. It's good because I am not a hermit and at home all the time. It's bad because I don't have time to call, email or visit everyone who expects me to.
I work a full time job. I have to wake up at 6am to leave by 7am for my hour commute. Mornings suck...I hate mornings and leaving the house by 7am is one, impossible and two, painful. I work my hours and drive home, in traffic and get home around 6pm. Not bad unless I have to run errands...Target, the supermarket, produce market, gas station, passing by my parents house, doing laundry. If I don't have to run an errand, I come home, make something to eat, go through my mail, watch a little CSI, make a lunch for work the next day, go online and try to get through emails (I can barely email from work) and by the time I finish, it's usually past 10pm and I have to go to sleep to start the cycle over again. I obviously (!) barely have time to even blog, let alone do the things I truly enjoy like stitching, knitting, going to see movies, relaxing over coffee at the shop. I am always on the run.
Some days, I have a date, dinner plans with friends or an exercise class after work. Sometimes, I have to work on banking...mine AND my parents...that's double the bills to deal with AND double the math. I stop by my parent's house to collect mail, water the plants, check the house, call my dad and talk to the neighbors. My mom is back in town, that means more visits to the house, more errands because she doesn't get around very well and more headaches.
I am the product of older parents and with that comes more responsibilities...especially when my siblings don't pull their fair share. I live alone and there is only me. Only I am responsible for my well being.
I hope this explains my absense via blogging, phone, email or otherwise. I truly am a busy person. I always have been.
Welcome to my life...
Saturday, October 08, 2005
So let's break it down...
My junk car...is sucking me dry. It's a good car, it runs well, it hasn't really given me very many problems but it's getting old and needs those "old car repairs". Boots that are cracked, tires that are worn and God knows what else. I'm just not in a position to be dealing with this shit because I'm...well...I'm broke. Yea, what else is knew. But you know I am feeling the penny pinch when I am actually cooking and making things at home because I am trying to save a few bucks for...car repair. Yea, exciting. I'd feel better if I was doing it for something fun like...new shoes!
No significant other...this is driving me nuts. I've been single for a long time. I know how to do it, I'm fine with it but I am also bored with it. I want someone to go to live music with, festivals and fairs, to share the paper over coffee at the local shop, to cuddle with at the movies, to get dressed up, be arm candy and take the city by storm. But here I am, on a Saturday night, blogging my sob story to the world. I have been dating constantly since January and have met more duds than ever! Why can't I meet someone decent. I am cute, independant, funny, honest, loyal and an all around great person (if I do say so myself!). I am one of the last single ones in my circle of friends and it sucks the big one. I'm always a third wheel and it sucks even further that they don't have a pool of me to set me up with. I'm left to completely fend for myself. And after nine months of dating, I am still at the same place I left off. Single, alone and with no one. At 30, I'd always imagined that I'd have been married and maybe working on kid #1. Right now, I don't think I am ready for kids but I am definitely ready to settle down. Obviously that is not in the cards for me now...who knows if it ever will be. I know that I am made of strong stuff...I'm strong, stubborn, opinionated, capable, beautiful and independant. If I had to be alone, I could be but the thing is...I don't want to be. I really don't. I am tired of the dating though...but I can't seem to stop. It's like an addiction. I need to go to a "Daters Anonymous" meeting. I try and then I decide to go on another date with another dud because "well, you never know...". They are ALL duds and with each dud I go out with...I become more bitter and cynical. I really need to stop and reconnect with myself.
Crappy building...I want to move. I've wanted to move since four months into my one year lease three years ago. But again, the money issue comes into play. I am hoping that at the beginning of the new year, I can move out of the fog to a sunnier area...and cut some minutes off my morning and evening commute at the same time.
And the other stuff...I am always so busy and so tired, running from one place to the next trying to do things for myself and my parents. I spend a lot more time in my car and less time walking and I feel like I'm carrying extra pounds that will NOT come off.
I feel down, I don't feel like talking to people much, I am too busy to have the alone time I need and frankly, I am officially down in the dumps. Thank god I get to see hot firemen at work. Everything is not completely lost.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
"anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love...is a complete waste of time" and in this case...K was a complete waste of my time. I can't believe I put up with that shit for as long as I did.
And so I live my happily single existance.
So I've been at the new job for three weeks, now going on four and I LOVE IT!! It's challenging, fun and the people I work with are great. Oh and Ummm, did I mention I work with firemen?! *sigh* It's great!
Benefits are great, there's sun, I can get to work via car instead of the dreaded MUNI and it's completely different from what I was doing before. The only downside is that my commute sucks ass since I am NOT a morning person at all. I don't even have time to stop and get Starbucks! Hey now!! Getting good coffee in the morning is the only way some people make it through the day!
Oh, yea...and 80% of the firemen are already married. Oh well...I still love my job anyways!!
So on this day, September 11th, 2005, I reflect. Reflect on a day, four years ago when every red-blooded American sat glued to their TV in horror of an act of terrorism against our nation. Something so horrible, that I personally thought I had switched to some action movie before realizing, I had turned on the news and the scene of a plane hitting the World Trade Center, being played over and over and over again, had actually happened. What was going on?! I just remember watching the news in shock before making my way upstairs to see my dad watching the same thing as I had been on TV. We looked at each other in disbelief while I was trying to make sense of the how, the who and the why while trying to get ready for work. On my way to the Bart Station, my coworker called me to say our boss didn't want us coming in to work because since our office was close to the Transamerica and Bank of America buildings, two of the tallest buildings in San Francisco, he was scared they would be a terrorist target. So I turned around, went home and watched hours and hours of news coverage through my tears. And at some point, I turned off the tv, called the Ex and we spend the evening together just to have companionship with another person and have an excuse not to get sucked into the horror of the TV and the reality of the day.
In the end...I was lucky...no one I knew died that day. I was safe on the other coast. Some people I now know, were not so lucky. Friends, spouses, parents, siblings senselessly taken away. For what really?! I still do not understand it to this day. But despite me not understanding, I will not forget.
And we shouldn't...and that's why I take the time to remember this day four years ago and the people who were taken away from their loved ones and the people who stayed behind to pick up the pieces. And I sit here and think of those who worked ground zero, doing their duty as many were police officers and firefighters, hoping to find survivors and dreading finding bodies. A position I would never dream being in...yet these guys...they volunteer! The need to protect and serve their community lies so deep within themselves that they put themselves in danger everyday. And I sit here in awe.
As I now work for the fire department, four guys were deployed to assist with the search and rescue efforts due to Hurricane Katrina. Some of these same guys worked Ground Zero four years ago. They are part of a special task force...they endured hours of special training to be part of this special group of women and men that are called for in tragic emergency situations and they are confronted by situations and things that we pray not to endure ever in our entire lives. They work long hours in areas of great risk to their safety and in the end, despite the long hours, unstable terrain, finding survivors and victims and physical and mental strain, all they care about is that they are helping people. And then there are the folks who volunteer to do the same thing. They put their lives on hold to go to the assistance of others. And I wish I could be as selfless as them.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Welcome to my horoscope for today. And all I can say is that for once in my life, I can say that it is dead on...sadly. I forgot the uncertainly that comes from new relationships. The trying to figure out what the other is feeling, thinking, etc. The "do they like me as much as I like them", "are they truly attracted to me" and the "do we truly make a good couple". After being single for a good long time, I've forgotten about this part...and I'm not really liking it.
The past two weekends with K have not gone according to plan and I am feeling a little lost, a little uncertain and clearly...a lot miffed! I've been reassured that he is still interested in me and in seeing me, yet...I'm not feeling it. I'm not getting the attention I want and need and that's sad considering he already lives 80 miles away from me to begin with. We can't even see each other every day...we are committed to seeing each other during the weekends only. You'd think they'd be fantastic and planned and that we'd have options of things to do. At least I would...why can't he? Do I really have to be the planner? Even in a city I don't live in? I won't go into details here. I'll just say that I am taking a step back and taking in the scene. Things had better improve...or else the firemen working in my department are looking better and better by the minute!
Monday, August 08, 2005
Friday, August 05, 2005
Let me just say that I have been looking for a new job, off and on...for almost two years. Yep...that long. I've read hundreds of want ads, sent out loads of cover letters and resumes, had interviews and even tests and nothing. Zip, zero, nada. Until the end of July. I interviewed for a position that I had interviewed for last October and DID NOT get. I was crushed. It was what seemed like a dream job and I interviewed very well for it. Not to mention I was #2 on the eligibility list. Yea, I know...I ROCK! Obviously, the guy who interviewed me is blind. Well, fast forward to last month and they asked me to come in for another interview. I do a little research and find out that the people who interviewed me last year are no longer there. Interesting...
I go into the interview a little apprehensive because I am worried about being rejected again and despite feeling like I didn't do my best in the interview...I GOT THE JOB! Yay!!! I am so excited and even better is that it's a support job for the Fire Department. Yep...that's right. Hot guys in uniform. *sigh* I can't wait.
Even better is that things with me and my guy (aka Guy #2) are going well...fast but good. We'll see where things lead...
Someone pinch me...I actually have a little string of good luck going here! Actually...don't pinch me...let me ride it out a bit.
Guy #1...Mr. Brazilian I wanna sleep with you guy who obviously must think I truly am a "repressed american" since I never heard from him after our second date. Yea, the one where he asked me if we were going to my place or his. I am NOT in this dating game for a booty call...well, that's a perk but I am in it for the long haul. To find a guy I feel is worth opening myself up to and to experience the ups and downs of a long term relationship with. Obviously, this guy was NOT it. And Valerie moves on...
Guy #2...Mr. Lives Far but is Cool guy. We have talked practically everyday since the week after I got back from my vacation. We've had three dates with date #4 and date #5 coming up this weekend. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day and wanting to talk to him. I haven't liked someone this way in so long that I am finding it very strange...but cool. I think he may just be feeling the same way. Things are still very new and I am not sure where they are headed but I am looking forward to the possibilities. Guy #2 is a keeper in my book.
Guy #3...Mr. Needs to Get Over Himself. If there is one thing I cannot stand is last minute planners and those that insist it be on their terms. I had a date set up with this guy two weeks ago to the day. We were supposed to meet up for drinks and see where things went. At 7pm, that Friday night, he calls me to arrange the actual meet up. Um, yea...this does not fly in my book. I already had one foot out the door to go shopping! He calls me and I ask him what is going on and he says that he would still like to meet..at 930pm! Yea, I don't think so. I ask to reschedule and he says it's either that night or we cancel outright because he was going to leave for Mexico City in a week for a month. What?! Well, what was the point of meeting if he was going to leave for a month. I told him if he still wanted to meet me after he came back to call me and we'd see if we set something up. He says fine and that he would send me pictures during his trip so I "wouldn't forget about him". Yea, whatever...I haven't heard from him and I'll die before being a "beck and call" girl. I've tossed that one in the crapper.
Guy #4...Mr. On my Time. A little reminiscent of Guy #3. Calls at the last minute like I have nothing better to do than wait for him to call me on the weekend to go out for the same day. Doesn't he know that there are rules? You do not call a girl Saturday afternoon to go out that same afternoon or evening unless you two are very good friends or already in the midst of dating. In the beginning and especially for a first date, that is a huge no-no! We had been playihng email and phone tag for the longest time and I finally heard back from him last night. Considering things with Guy #2 are heading in a direction that I like, I don't want to meet Guy #4. So I've bid him adieu. Bye Guy #4.
So all I have is Guy #2 who I hope sticks around for a while. Wish me luck!!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
The whole purpose of the trip was to spend time with the family and see my relatives and basically have a little reunion back "home" in Nicaragua and to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my parents. Can you believe it!? I think it's a miracle they didn't kill each other! But despite their differences, it's easy to see now how much they care and love each other. They got married in 1955 and my dad headed to America in search of the "american dream" and better opportunities. My mom stayed behind with a newborn and waited until my dad had saved enough money to bring them both back to America with him. That took about a year. Since then, they had two more kids, lived in two houses, managed to make the payments on blue collar jobs, lived through car accidents and hospitalizations and have two grandkids. There have been a lot of ups and downs over the last 50 years but they've stuck through it...and I am proud of them. They wanted to celebrate this in Nicaragua, surrounded by the original members of the wedding party at the church they got married in way back when. So details went into full spin just a mere month ahead of the anniversary. It was difficult figuring this stuff out when thousands of miles away, working like crazy, looking for a new job AND interviewing, dating very attention-needy men and trying to keep my life from falling apart all together. But you know what? It all worked out really well.
The renewal of vows was at the same church they got married 50 years ago and for the part where they actually exchanged vows again, we were moved from the main alter to the mini alter they knelt before 50 years ago. It was very heartfelt and touching to be there and experience what they had so many years ago. The love was evident. And that made the bad things about the trip so worth it. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't even be here and despite the bickering and the fighting that I would always hear growing up as a kid, it was determined that day that under it all...love existed and that was all that mattered.
But I have to mention the bad...the mosquitos, heat rash and sunburn. Ack! Now I know why I live in foggy SF. There is no or very limited A/C and I can barely stand 75 degree weather. It was 90+ and humid in Nicaragua and I was dying and sweating everyday. Not to mention the mosquitos! OMG, they were eating me alive and ummm, did I forget to mention that I am allergic?! Yea, these bites swell up, get inflammed, itch like mad and I look like some weird pink polka dotted freak. I am not a happy camper!! Add heat rash cuz I am sweating (see 90+ and humid) and a sunburn. Luckily not a major one but seriously, I was out in the sun for like 15 minutes without any sunscreen and *ka-blam*, I'm all pink. *sigh* All a girl wants to do is tan around here!!
So...YES, there were some rocky parts about my vacation (which was almost a month ago...can we say I am behind on blogging!!?) but I had a good time, the parentals were happy, I bonded with my cousin and I left sad and wishing I still had a day or two to do the rest of the things I didn't have time for. I mean, I was even starting to get used to the heat! Can you believe it!? Me...used to heat? It's unheard of!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I came back from vacation (yea, still working on that story) and decided that since I was paid through this past Wednesday, I would put my profile back up on Match.com...and I got bombarded!
And I am now juggling 4 guys...four! My personal limit is 3 because after that, I start getting confused and freaking out and we all know you don't want to be near me when I am freaking out. So here is the lowdown.
Guy #1 = Actually met him off another site that I am up on but not a member of. Since he included his email in his initial contact, I was able to touch base off the site. All I can say is tall, dark and totally handsome. Brazilian, new to the city, into design, loves music, plays the drums (uh-oh!), has a touch of ink, loves old cars and motorcycles, has biker persona and is a total flirt. And when I say total flirt, I mean totally brazilian, agressive and open about sex. At the end of the second date, which was last night, as I attempted to say my goodbye, he asked me if we were going to his place or my place. I told him we were going to our own places and we'll figure things out later. After only having spent a total of five hours in each other's company, he asked me if WE were spending the night at his place or my place! Hmmmm, never had that approach before!Those Brazilian boys move fast!
Guy #2 = Met him on match. He actually resurfaced from a year ago. We had gotten to the point of talking on the phone and I blew him off after it dawned to me that he lived far and I wasn't willing to drive that far to meet someone or carry on a relationship. After the amount of stalkers, freaks and smotherers I have dated over the last two years, a little forced distance doesn't seem so bad...at least for the beginning. He is another of those established, older, successful guys that are sporty, meaning into golfing, swimming, skiing and baseball. *cough* Yea, I don't do any of those! I'll watch....well...I'll watch baseball. Ferget the rest of that stuff! This should be interesting. But he makes me laugh, we talk on the phone for a bit almost everyday and he isn't stressing me out...which is nice.
Guy #3 = Another match guy. He is the declared *hottie* by my friends. And he is...a hottie...but I think Guy #1 is the ultimate hottie in my eyes. He's another latin guy with the cultural background and love of tequila. ..successful, established, etc. Why are all these guys successful and established?! It's good and all but it just points out the fact to me that I am NOT! Anyways...we've talked and hit it off and we hope to meet tomorrow.
Guy #4 = Yet another match guy...it's the only place I meet men! We have been emailing off and on for over a month and can never connect to talk on the phone or meet. Lots and lots of phone and email tag going on lately. Hopefull we'll connect soon and just schedule a time to meet.
So I am back to juggling despite my profile finally being down. I am adamant about keeping it down for a while. Yea, yea, I know...you've heard that one before!
I mean it...I swear!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
For me, the main draw is that there are loads of Sinatra and Cake songs...and I am addicted to both. It's 1/2 in black and white and 1/2 in color and Ione Skye cracks me up. She is sarcastic and cynical and she believes that the guy of her dreams is out there and she will not settle for anything less.
"anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love, is a complete waste of time".
And you know what...I agree with her. Why settle for anything less? During all my dating frustrations, I remember that. I deserve it, I want it and I need it...and I will not settle for anything mediocre or lackluster just to have a "someone" in my life.
This other thought has popped into my head. Do you believe in "love at first sight"? I don't think I do. I've never fallen in love with anyone at the sight of them. It's been a slow gradual process. As I was watching Sex in the City last night on cable, Carrie asked one of the other girls (I don't watch this show usually so I don't remember) if she believed in love at first sight and she replied, "No, but I do believe in lust at first sight". YES!! I SO believe in lust at first sight. I'm totally in the throes of this at the moment. The minute you see a totally hot guys picture and you fall in lust and imagine the possibilities. It rarely ever works out but it can be fun!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I was flipping through the channels and decided to skip my usual choice of CSI (George Eads is a hottie!) and tuned into some new reality show called "Hooking Up". Wow, too bad I don't live in New York...I could have been on live TV since that has basically been my life for the past 6+ months. It was hysterical! Some of the guys were bizarre and the girls...OMG!
Let's see what do I remember....Cynthia was having bad date after bad date...yea, been there, done that. But I have never had some 43 year old ex-British model show up 30 minutes late looking as old as dirt and surprising me because he had sent me a 15 year old picture. 15 year old picture people! Yea, it's great that you were a Fabio stud muffin 15 years ago but now...like today...you look as old as dirt and falsly advertised yourself. Not cool...I would have done the same thing as Cynthia. Gone to the ladies room, called a friend, begged them to call the restaurant with the excuse of an emergency and hightailed it the hell out of there! Ewww! But I do have to say I had someone send me a 10 year old picture. That person still did look relatively the same...having gracefully aged. But it's still not good...that totally rubbed me the wrong way. And then she had another date in which the guy basically told her she was "cold hearted" and asked her is "she needed some love". What?! Yea, I would have left too...I think I really did identify with this girl...maybe just a little. She WAS a bit edgy and high maintenance.
Lisa..or Jen..or Lisa. What the hell is up with this chick. You know she is smart...she's a doctor. I can understand not wanting to put a picture up considering she is a doctor and she want's some privacy but hiding the fact from guys and even more so...going by a different name is ridiculous. Her "dating" name is Jennifer but her real name is Lisa. How would you feel if you were on a date with this girl and halfway through the date she drops the "bomb" of "oh yea, I should tell you that I am really a doctor...oh and I'm really Lisa". Yea, I'd think she was a freak and hightail it out of there too. Who cares if she is smart and attractive and has a seemingly fun personality...she's a freak. Telling a guy you are a doctor and what your real first name is not going to hurt anything! I mean...seriously...with that whole approach...her clock is going to be ticking a LOT longer!
Claire...so cute! She's smart...seems to go for the edgy guy...Jason (I think)...too bad she is so totally into him and he seems into her, gets nervous about how well it's going and then dumps her via EMAIL and she's crushed. I've been on both sides of that...yes, I'm guilty of the dumping via email. Confrontation scares me...I'm a libra. The other two guys she went out with were nice but seemingly passive and the other, Hunt, was a "model/actor" who seemed more gay to me and what is up with guys going on dates in jeans and ratty tee shirts?! *sigh* I don't ask for a lot...a tee shirt is fine as long as it's like a nice ribbed one and not some faded, blah stretched out mess!
And let's not forget Amy...the gal living in New York from South Dakota who straight up told this guy that she is "looking for a husband". Now we know that in the long run, people are looking for a mate. The guy or gal that they hope to spend the rest of his or her life with. But to come right out and say it during an initial date. Ummm...a little crazy! I guess that's why she's on Paxil. Her words...not mine.
Tune in Thursdays at 9pm on ABC for some hysterical luaghs that I can, sadly, TOTALLY relate to!
So the background...
I must confess that I was giving one of the guys I had previously dated a second chance. I won't say who because I don't want to get yelled at by some of my friends (you know who you are!!) by being so incredibly stupid yet hopeful. It has to do with that whole "coupling" shit. I've been brainwashed. Whatever...come up with whatever excuse you want and we'll go with that.
Anyways, after or at the same time as the V#3 distancing, this guy contacted me and I agreed to meet up again to catch up and we had a fabulous date. Lots of conversation and laughs...probably due to the 5 gallons of sangria we both drank. Gawd, I love sangria! Anyways, after much guilting on his part to see me before I left for tropical Nicaragua, I saw him play (huge hint here!) at a local cafe and we went to dinner. I was cranky for a good portion of the date since I worked 10+ hours that day with no lunch break and had to take the train to see him play. I admit I did want to see him but considering my work load, the fact that I hadn't even packed and was leaving in two days and I was basically stressed, tired and freaking out. Not ideal circumstances for me to be dating. Lesson learned...but he guilted me into it so it's his own damn fault.
Now I was hesitant in even seeing where things might go the first time around because I am picky and there are few things I will put up with. I will NOT put up with constant calling, guilting, smothering and the want or need to be with me 24/7. I have been out of a relationship for over 5 years now and have gotten pretty used to being independant, strong willed, blunt and opinionated. Because of this, I now tend to attract needy, clingy guys who want to be taken care of. Yea, I don't THINK so! Despite me being independant and all that, I would like to be taken care of but have established that I don't need a guy around to do that. But it would be nice to have a guy around for the times I have to drag a 50 pound suitcase or one of those 35 count water bottle packets from Costco up two flights of stairs. I can do it...but I'm pretty winded and tired after that! Anyways, this guy is clingy and needy and honestly, sometimes acts more like a girl than me. I am the GIRL not HIM! That really should have been the clue I listened to. *sigh*
Anyways, while on my vacation, I emailed said guy twice...the second time being the day before I left to come back home. I emailed him on Monday and I came back VERY, VERY early on Tuesday. I basically told him that I brought back a couple of things for him that I thought he would appreciate and that I would call him when I had a chance but it probably wouldn't be Tuesday...the day I got back.
I got in on Tuesday at 1230am, my dad was nice enough to wake up up at 7 in the frickin morning on the only day I got to sleep in and then at 11am...said guy called. Ummm...didn't I say that I would call him?! Why don't guys listen? I had plans with my old neighbor, Kel (hi!) and when we got back, I went grocery shopping and came back to my parent's house where I had crashed for the night. Their place is closer to the airport than mine. Anyways, said guy calls me AGAIN at 5pm and I call him back soon after. He starts in about how he's missed me and when will he see me and then tells me he'll call me back...which he does, about an hour later.
During this phone call...there was a lot of guilt tripping and frustration. He wanted to see me and I kept telling him I couldn't. Hmmm...let's see why. I JUST got back(that same day...helloww!) from a 10 day vacation out of the country...I was still at my parents and had to do errands and pay bills and basically keep two households afloat AND I hadn't even made it HOME yet!! Dude, I haven't stepped foot in my apartment, haven't slept in my own bed for days and frankly, was pretty cranky of suffering days of mosquito bites and heat rash (more details on this coming). I HAD TOLD HIM that I wouldn't be available that day...that I would call HIM and we'd figure things out then! I hate, HATE it when I am not listened to because so many people don't and if I expect anything at all, I expect that my friends (true ones at least) and the guy I am dating, listen to what I am saying and take it to heart. If I say I will call, I will and if I say I can't do something, I can't. It's pretty simple people....really....simple. Not complicated at all. SIMPLE!
So I go off on a mini rant to said guy and tell him I said in my email that I would be busy and he responds to me by saying "I can act cool too. I tell him, "you can act however you want". Have I been acting "cool"? Yes. Why? Because of all the aforementioned neediness, clinginess, constant calling, guilt tripping and basically driving me frigging nuts because starting a relationship with someone shouldn't be that hard. I had sensed it before and stupidly went in to another attempt thinking it would be different and maybe me having distanced myself before made him realize that he was being just a tad intense. Umm...obviously not!
He continues with the wanting to see me and I have to repeat that I am busy, just got in that morning, stayed at my parents, hadn't even been home yet and had errands to run still...and he says, "so THAT'S why you're being so BITCHY". *stunned silence* What?! I say, "I can't believe you just said that to me!" *more silence* and then I tell him, "I think I'd better go now". His response was, "thanks for the call" and I reminded him that "you called me". And his response to THAT was, "oh, I meant, thanks for calling me earlier." Ummm...can we say IDIOT!!
After I hung up, I was surprised that I didn't go off on him because I can't remember the time any guy has ever insinuated I was being or am a bitch. Cranky...yes. Reserved....yes. But a bitch...completely uncalled for. I packed up my stuff, loaded up the car and headed home when my phone rings again. It's him...calling to apologize. All I can say is that I don't understand why he has to see me today and that I will call him later because at this point...I'm over it. I am ticked off, insulted and don't want to get into it with him when I am driving.
I haven't called or emailed him. I think he knows that he crossed the line and if he is calling me a bitch after 4 dates and sporadic conversation over the course of the last two months, what will keep him from doing it again? From insulting me because he isn't getting his way. I may be a forgiving person but I am not stupid. I guess after some reflection, my two friends were originally right (no gloating allowed, 'k). I feel like I need closure in this situation but I cannot bring myself to contact him. To tell him that despite apologizing, I can't do it anymore. I cannot conform to what he wants and he will not allow me to be...me. We obviously want and expect different things out of a relationship. He: someone available to him 24/7. Me: someone to spend some time with, talk to once in a while but also to be able to spend nights by myself or with friends. I value myself, my independance and my values too much to compromise or lose myself to the whims of someone else.
So I have learned that despite me juggling 3 guys at a time, I don't appreciate knowing that I am one of however many girls some guy is juggling. It's a pretty fucked up feeling and I am thankful that my match stint is coming to an end...in 6 days to be exact.
I am tired of the jerks, stalkers, freaks, momma's boys and nimrods. Aren't there any normal guys out there? I am really starting to doubt it. But I'll get into the mix of things, keep busy and maybe I will be pleasantly surprised at some point....maybe.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
So I am now trying to remember what my life was like before trying to "couple". To remember what I liked to do. Remember what it was like to know what you had to do on any given day...ummm...like pay bills. Yea, that concept has almost escaped me on many occasions as I look blankly at the calendar and try to remember what day, week or month we are in since my days run into one another and it's all one huge frustrating blur. Oh crap! It's the 30th...I gotta pay rent. Yea...can't forget to pay rent on time especialy since I am on the shit list with my landlord.
Hmmm...what else? Oh yea...knitting. You know, that thing you do with yarn and two sticks and make for yourself and people. Yea, I got two major projects to finish by the end of the year and have I even started....yea...you sense the answer right?! Ding, ding, ding!! The answer is a huge and resounding NO! Fuck...I gotta knit. Which may actually be a good thing since I already have the supplies and am so damn broke that I should really be a shut in for the next couple of months to at least get my budgeting back in order. *sigh*
Not to mention I have 39 continuing education credits to complete by the end of August for my insurance license at work *yawn* and seriously have to get this done sooner than later. AND do that online real estate course because that may open up more job possibilities for me in a field I do have some interest in. Not necessarily the real estate broker part but more the property management/leasing consultant/mortgage broker side of things. There are so many possibilities with this license but that means studying which also means more being a "shut-in" at home studying or sitting in a coffee shop with this book that is bigger than my ass. Umm...that means pretty big by the way. AND, yea...there's more...and I want to enroll in the legal assisting course at the local college to see if that may be my answer to a higher salary bracket. Did I meantion I was broke?! Oh yea....I did...well, I'm just reminding you!
So, yea...lots to do. Taking dating off my plate is probably a good idea but it's hard to get adjusted to when you've been a hard core dater for a long ass while. I still need to find a new job which pays more than I make now AND paint my apartment. Anyone up for a painting party?! Sangria, beer and pizza is on the house!
And most of all...keeping current on the blog! It's been almost a month. Yea, I know...you're all ticked off too that I haven't updated it. I've been busy!
Wow, I am making myself really tired listing out all the things I need to do in a seemingly limited amount of time. Why is there always so much to do and so little time?!
But I am back...more updates to follow.
Friday, June 24, 2005
And it doesn't help that I am going through boy dilemnas. I wish boys would just be honest and straight forward instead of acting like they are all interested but proceed to date a bunch of girls at the same time as you and then drop off. That makes me think that said boy isn't interested and I will proceed to scout for new dates because I am now addicted to dating after having my face plastered on match forever and a day. So I have scouted, have a date set up for this weekend, another for next week and am getting back into the dating groove until I leave at the end of next week and then...I hear from said boy. Great...he says he was really busy this week and wants to make his appointment to call me. I am really starting to rethink this. Do I really want to be with someone who needs to make "appointments" with the girls he is seeing to talk on the phone? This is like the relationship my boss has with his wife. They make phone conference appointments or meetings to talk about important household issues because they are both so busy that they don't have the time to deal with this stuff in the normal day to day routine. I think that's sad...and it's not what I want. So it looks like I am juggling three guys...again. At least for now. But seriously...what the hell is up with the number three? I always end up with that number and sometimes I don't think it's as lucky as I would like to believe.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
So how did I fall...I was rushing down the stairs in my "vegas heels" to meet V#3 for our second date and my heel slipped out from under me. Owww! I slipped and slid down about four stairs and handed on my left butt cheek and left elbow. Both are looking pretty purply. I spent the last two days sitting on an icepack!
Luckily I didn't break anything and was able to muster enough energy to get up, meet V#3 downstairs and last thoughout the date which was a lot of fun...despite confirmation that V#3 is juggling 5...yes, as in f-i-v-e girls. Grrrr!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Friday: Was probably the highlight of my weekend. I had a friend in from out of town and it was nice to get past a couple of things and just talk. Of course, I am so frazzled, I'm not sure how much I actually retained. Dinner was good despite the rude old biddy that made us move tables. Go C for yelling at the old lady! Even I wasn't about to do that. Apologies were made for the rudeness and Tia Margarita is still on my list for neighborhood mexican. After dinner and a pit stop for dessert, I was in major food coma. "Must go home and sleep NOW" food coma. So I went home and tried to sleep.
This is the part where the neighbors come in. Kel, did you really have to move to Portland?! F-in A...the "bimbette sisters" are at it again. The bimbette sisters are the girls who live directly below me and like to get fucking drunk on Friday and Saturday nights with their boyfriends and they get so damn drunk and loud that it's like they are talking through a megaphone...yet...amazingly they are not. But at 10pm this is annoying. At 2am, it's outright ridiculous. I am tired, in food coma, kinda buzzed and tired. Oh yea, I said tired already. Too tired to put something over my ratty pajamas and yell at the bimbette sister and her boyfriend. Around 3, neighbor B did that for me and yelled at her. But what did that do?! She slams the door and then has an emotional drunk episode. The sobbing, the crying, the yelling with her boyfriend who is trying to calm her down. Umm...helloooo...I can still hear you. Shut the fuck up. SOME people in the building would like to sleep you know. After about 30 minutes of that, it was finally quiet. All I know is that next time, I am calling the police because I am sick of this and it's ruining my beauty sleep. I've been using too much makeup and do I REALLY need to sleep with earplugs in? They are annoying. Earplugs and the neighbors.
I finally fall asleep around 5am and at 8am...BBZZZZZTTTTT!!!!!! Wha?? What's that? It's my super loud, freak me out buzzer. The roofers are ringing ME to let them into the building. So I barely get 3 hours of sleep and then have to deal with pounding on the roof for the next 5 hours while I am in this sleep deprived stupor on my futon while dozing to videos. Saturday sucked ass!
Boys: So Saturday in my stupor...I had 3 boys call me to meet up with them. Ummmm, hellowww boys! Calling a girl to meet up at the last minute is a huge no-no...especially on a Saturday. What the fuck are these guys thinking?! Haven't they learned anything in the online dating world? Obviously not...so instead of drag myself off the futon...remember...I'm working on no sleep...to meet these boys, I blew them off and went to the movies to see Monster-In-Law, went to Joann's and Nordstrom to wander my evening away.
Mom: My mother is insane and that worries me since she's my mom and I hope that her insanity isn't something I inherited. Sometimes...I think I may have. We were supposed to go do HER errands on Sunday and she calls me at just shy of 10am to tell me she is "too busy" to go and do these errands with me. Let me say that my mother barely leaves the house and if she does, it's to go to the store, bank, post office or doctors...all of which are within a mile radius of the house. I call her and after a much heated debate, find out she's too busy because she has "to make soup". MAKE SOUP! She's crazy! Like making soup couldn't wait. We had made these plans days ago and I made sure not to schedule anything that day so I could take her around. Annoying...
So between neighbors, boys and my mother...my weekend was a shambles!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
We met at a trendy bar *not my pick*. I don't do trendy all that great. I do dive fantastically. I mean dive bars...not dive as in head first into a pool. Yea right...I barely swim, forget diving. What? Oh yea, meet at this bar. It's raining...again. It always seems to rain when I have one of these meet and greets. Why?! So I am standing outside in a nearby doorway, with my umbrella tucked in low near my head waiting for V#3 to show up because there is a private party at this bar until 8pm, which is the time we decided to meet. I look up and there is V#3 right in front of me as I blow a big bubble with my gum. Nice...yea, I got the timing. Whatever...I think he barely noticed. He's cute, he's stylish...he's on time. Awesome. We head into the bar and don't leave until three hours later. We had a fantastic time! We talked and talked and there was no real lag. He even said at some point that "what do you do if one of these things go well?" Ummm...well, you set up another date! So we have another date tentatively set up for next Monday.
So why do I feel so "eh"? He's great...I like him..he seems to like me...we hit it off fantastically...we can talk...we have common interests and experiences. So what's the problem?! Yea, the problem...what I have been thinking about for the past week. I keep telling myself not to get "latched on" to V#3 because he's new. He's new to SF...he has a new job based out of NY but he's setting up the SF office for the company...he'll be traveling a lot...he's new to match....he's back in the dating scene after a long time not really dating. So he's new. He's told me that he's overwhelmed with match and the online dating scene yet he is ALWAYS online. I know he's juggling but I don't know how many. I DO know that one is "out of the running" because he had a bad date on Tuesday. I was only the second meet and greet he's EVER had (OMG!!! I've been on the site way too fricking long!). I'm sure this is still super exciting to him since it's new and he wants to "see what else is out there". He didn't tell me this...this is all the stuff flying around in my head. I mean, isn't that the guy mentality anyways. To roam the pastures and see what else is out there?
But the emotional investment is there because we did spend 2.5 weeks emailing and talking on the phone before we actually met. Two and a half weeks is a really long time in the online world. All I know is that I need to emotionally distance myself from him but still have a good time until I can sense where things are or he actually tells me where I stand. For the time being, I will "go with the flow", send mini emails, have little phone conversations and see where date #2 on Monday night will lead me.
I think I will do the dating and match thing until the end of the month. Then I go on vacation for a week and will be back mid-July. And I am going to focus on other things like the job search, picking up the books and the sticks (knitting ones that is). I've got enough things to keep me busy and at the moment, I'm getting pretty f-in frazzled with it all right now and a tired of playing the mind games dating involves in the beginning.
So that's how I feel...dating stories are coming to a close at the end of the month for a while and you'll get to hear about boring stuff like real estate crap for the course I will take and what a pain knitting can sometimes be. It is NOT "relaxing" when you make mistakes and mess up!
Monday, June 06, 2005
Anyways, to S...thanks for the visit on Saturday and congratulations to you and V#1. I'm really happy for you guys!
And to Kel, the loud mouth commenter on the board and my old neighbor who would feed me ALL the time, congrats to you and K on the anticipation of "alien" baby. I'm excited! I miss you! I guess you have enough practice to be a mom since you fed me and still give me loads of "tough love" and have a kabillion cats! Dude, really...so many cats!
Congratulations to you both!
Friday, June 03, 2005
So this week, I am supposed to have a meet up date with a match guy...I'll call him V#3. I wonder if this will be a good date because I already know a V#1 and a V#2 and they are great friends, good guys and (obviously) have the same name as V#3. I wonder if this is a good omen. All the guys I have met with this name are great guys!
I guess only time will tell. I'll find out Wednesday. I have come to the realization that whenever I am on the phone with V#3...I become a chatterbox. What is up with that?! He's new on match which means he is overwhelmed from being bombarded with girls contacting him. How many he's juggling, I've no idea. So he is juggling girls, starting a new job based in SF but headquartered in New York and did I mention he's moving up to SF from Central California? Yea, what the heck is this boy thinking. I would have already cracked under the pressure but he seems to be a good juggler. Ummm....good juggler...this could be bad...for me. So he moves to SF today...as we speak. He is driving up with a month's worth of supplies to live in corporate housing before he finds an apartment and moves everything next month.
Seriously...don't know if this is good or bad. Only meeting him will tell me anything. I just hope he's not a freak. I mean...last week was full of them! I need a break.
First, my brother. Yea, he's my brother and I love him but he's a freak.
Then, CSB and his match weirdness about wanting to say something but not. Total freak!
And now, Bank Guy...he is the King Freak! Well, at least for the week because who knows what next week has in store.
So a little background...Bank Guy was this guy I went out with ONCE about two years ago and it was totally a "pity date". I feel weird saying that but it's true. I ran into him every two weeks when I did the deposit for my boss. He was my teller 8 times out of 10 and after two years doing the deposit, he asked for my name and then for a few months after that would ask for my name again because he had forgotten. Idiot...clue #1...forgetting girls names. So then he asked me for my phone number because he wanted to go out with me. Alright...not totally interested but he was nice despite the name forgetting thing. Why wasn't I interested...hmmmm....he's asian (not what I usually "go for"), he was short (i'm pretty tall) and he has a lazy eye. But he was nice hence the "pity date". The date was AWFUL! Not planned, disorganized, he had a dirty sweatshirt on and when I asked him to take me home, he said, "ok, but I need to stop off and buy my lotto!" at 130AM. That's bad...even worse is that he HAS to go buy it in the MARINA (insert eeewwww! here) and that's a very roundabout way of taking me home. In the days after the date, Bank Guy kept calling and calling and calling and I had to tell him I wasn't interested and he kept calling and calling and finally stopped. Finally!!
But since I have my face plastered on match (goddammit! When am I gonna meet a cool guy!?), Bank Guy found me as his mug is now gracing the site. Grrrr!!
hey valerie - it's nice to "kinda" see you again - it's been quite a while - let's see, i still live in the city, i still attend mass at st. ignatious regularly though i work in san rafael now - it's so nice out there - but hey, hopefully you can write me back or something - i do hope things are good and well with you - til next time and thanks bank guy-
I ignored the email. Then one week later I get...
why didn't you wanna write back? - just curious : )thanks
I ignored that one too. And then today, I got...
are you upset with me? bank guy-
OH MY GAWD!! He is a stalking freak! Seriously...what is this!? Yea, I rushed onto the site to BLOCK his ass and remove him from searches. Is this guilt trip via email from someone I barely know and only dated once?! At least I know he's working in San Rafael now. I've been avoiding THAT bank branch for over two years now. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I walk three blocks to the next nearest one since I didn't want to be confronted with the freakiness of this Bank Guy. Now I don't have to do that anymore.
So that is the conclusion that things come in three...usually bad...or in this case, freaky.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Back in February, I dated CSB (cat stench boy) for three dates. He seemed nice if not a little indecisive about date planning. One thing that drives me nuts is boys who can't plan a date...or at least come up with options to pick from. As a girl, I like dates semi-planned...because hellow(!), I plan enough at work! But with CSB, I did all of the planning...annoying! So by date #3, I met him at his place (everything was very G-rated...no worries or "scoop" there) and was assaulted by cat stench. We went out, saw a movie, had dinner and then went back to hang out and talk. By the end of the night, I had a headache from breathing in cat stench and there was no way in hell I could picture myself "getting it on" in a place that smelled like cats. Seriously...ewww!! Yea, wasn't gonna happen not to mention, we didn't really have much in common beyond movies, tv and being "low-key" people. But he was TOO low-key...he was dressed in a faded company logo tee shirt and ratty chinos for our 3rd date. I like casual but dating is about going out and having fun and not going out with a girl you may or may not want to be your GF in clothes you lounge around the cat stench apartment in. So I let CSB go, he didn't take it all that well and I moved on to date the many guys that have filtered in and then out of my life.
So I notices CSB checking out my profile on match since that site has become so incredibly voyueristic. Why is he checking me out? We've dated and I gave him the boot. He thought I was a bitch for doing so. At some point last month, I clicked on his profile and he changed it all around. If this was the profile he had up when he initially contacted me...I would never have gone out with him. He sounds like a bitter freak! So over the course of the last month, he's checked on my profile. I may have checked his but I am pretty sure I was logged off the site when I checked.
So last night, as I was running out to do laundry, I saw I got an email from him (!). This is what he had to say:
Hey Valerie,It's CSB*, I've noticed you on match and It seems you want to say something to me or you want me to say something to you? Or maybe I'm wrong and completely misreading it, I've been known to do that. So I thought I would send you a email and see if there's anything to be said?If I'm wrong about this than I apologies for bothering.CSB
What?! What does he think I have something to say...and what does he think I would even say? That I realized he was the guy for me and I would love to take him, his two cats and his cat stench apartment?! Yea, I don't think so. Dream on!
But seriously...what's his deal? I am NOT writing him back. I don't need more drama than I already have, thankyouverymuch!
Note to those thinking about getting a cat or already having cats...especially guys:
1. Clean out litterbox frequently and throw out grody litter OUTSIDE so that the stink is outside living area.
2. Ventilate! Get screens or whatever and OPEN windows and sliding doors to get air circulation in the apartment.
3. Vacuum and/or sweep frequently to get cat hair off the carpet, floor, furniture. I mean jeez, I have enough or my own hair shed all over me...I don't need cat hair thrown into the mix.
4. Air freshener can do wonders! Better yet, one of those ionizer thingies from Shear Image.
Hmm, that's all I can think about for now considering I don't even HAVE a cat...but isn't that common sense stuff?
* CSB...obviously not his real name. Must protect the innocent...or at least make it more difficult for them to find me and the things I say about them on my blog.
hello, i am here in nicaragua. my parents anniversaryis july 2, sis and her family is coming down on the3rd my mom will be coming. my dad is staying tillseptember. the airfares are outrageous, but we arethrowing a party for them that weekend in san juan delsur. you should try to come for a week.please dont whine. it only happens once. youprobably wont have to come again till there is afuneral.
OMG! Can you feel the love. I often wonder if I am adopted. People wonder why I am angsty towards my family and willing to adopt almost anyone else's? This is why! I've often dreamed that I was adopted but frankly, I am close to being a spitting image of my dad...in girl form, or course...and have the insane paleness of my mom. Oh, and me and my brother pretty much look similar except he has the priveledge of tanning and I get to bake, turn red, peel and start the insane cycle again.
Do you notice the amount of times he used "my" in a 5 line email? "My parents"...ummm, hellow! my parents too...they are OUR parents! So possessive! "My dad"..."My mom". They are OUR mom and OUR dad. He is 20...yes, 20 years older than me. You'd think he would have figured out this crap by now.
"We are throwing them a party". We are? We who? Um...shouldn't I be included in the planning of this as they are also my parents? WTF?! It'd be nice to be in the loop..I am ONLY YOUR sister. God forbid...I be included in this shit.
"Please don't whine". Oh, WTF!? I do not whine. I state facts. Sometimes they may be in the negative like, I don't really want to go because I don't have $800 for the fare. He sees that as whining. I see that as fact. And seriously, I cannot help having an, at times, nasally voice. Be thankful I don't sound like "The Nanny". Nasally = whiny SOUNDING. Not whining! So fuck off! Sheesh...I do not like being hasseled as the youngest and a girl.
Oh, and bringing up funerals are not cool...why is he thinking about that stuff. I would rather not think about my parents and their death and the consequent trip to Nicaragua when that happens. Hopefully not anytime soon *knock on wood*.
So in 5 lines...my loving brother has managed to irritate me and send me into an anxiety frenzy because a trip to Nicaragua means a lot of things. Costly when I have no money, loads of family = no privacy, time off from work, interrupting my newly established job search...but it also means, seeing family I haven't seen in over 4 years, sun, beach, hopeful tan and a getaway from SF.
So after two days of trying to figure out if my loving (i'm being sarcastic when I say that too!) brother was going to front the money for my ticket which would probably take me months to pay off considering my money situation OR I wasn't going to go. But I found a loophole. I can use my miles for a partnering airline and go for free which...does wipe out all my miles...but that is ok. So I am off to Nicaragua for one full week in July.
Now I gotta figure out my mom's flight arrangements considering she is the other half of the party we are celebrating. Stupid brother...he only plans half of the shit. Seriously, how can I be related?! If he gives me shit on my trip, I am flat out kicking him in the ass and he can go spouting off to the family. I don't give a shit. "MY" dad will always side with me. Alhtough I DO get the lecture about sometimes needing to be the "bigger person". WTF does that mean?! He's OLDER...he should be the "bigger person".
Whatever...seriously...can you feel the love?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
So if anyone hears of any cool leads or opportunities, please, please, pretty pu-lease...send them my way!
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Wait...this wasn't where I was going with this post. Blast from the Past...It was weird enough bumping into Larry Bird Lookalike last week but again! Now really...very, very strange. Me and C were at a favorite breakfast spot and we sat down and can be pretty oblivious. So we were chatting until I realized there was a baby sitting with the couple next to me. I look over at baby, lean back to look at the "dad" and OMG, it's old buddy Larry Bird Lookalike. A little strange to bump into each other 2x in a week. I met his wife, met baby...cute! and just chitchatted but let him be since I wanted to catch up on my week and enjoy breakfast. But it's all very weird.
Otherwise...no real stories..It's been a busy weekend but nothing to really chat about here...
* recommendations for cleaning people gladly received to take care of mutant dust bunny situation.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
I think about "The Ex" and he called me Valerie and I appreciated it. I think at one point I told him he could call me Val and he said he liked calling me Valerie and would stick with that. I think in his mind, he felt that calling me Val would be a step too far into the "friends" realm and calling me by my given name was a "respectful, this is a serious relationship" sign. I could of course be coming up with this stuff out of the sky. But it makes sense to me so I'll stick with it. Although he also preferred being called by the long version of his name.
So how do I get these guys to call me Valerie. I sign my name to *dating* emails as Valerie...I introduce myself as Valerie and I have never, ever said to ANY of these guys, "Hi, I'm Valerie but you can call me Val". So where do they get off with the shortening to casual pal Val? I don't understand....what do you all think?
Sunday, May 22, 2005
In my bummed out and ticked off mood Friday night, I reposted on CL and got a few responses despite posting in the non-optimal time of a friday night. Depsite that, I got a response from Tiara Man. I'll call him that because the picture he sent me with his reply sported him wearing a tiara as a "honorary bridesmaid" for whatever friends bridal shower.
We talked, we laughed..he's cuter than that stupid picture and he's also skinnier than I expected. But I have so much respect for a guy who will show up to a meet and greet in torn jeans and an old tee shirt. You wanna know why?! Because that means I can dress as casual as I frigging want and he told me that off the bat. So I showed up in my classic jeans and a tank top with a hoodie. Love hoodies...the classic sign of comfort for a girl...short of the yoga capris.
Do I know if I have a second date on the horizon with Tiara Man? Nope. Do I care...Nope. Why..because I'm here to date around and I am the third girl in a weekend out of my circle that has been given the "brush off" by a "match.com man". Guys are frigging stupid! So I may as well go with the flow and have fun. Tm said he had a busy week before we even met so definitely not holding my breathe.
On the other hand...I have another lunch date with DB. He resurfaced...and I know he is way into me. I stopped by to say hi during his gig today and he was so happy to see me. It made me smile just to see him light up and the hug and kiss on the cheek he gave me as a greeting took me by surprise. I just need to determine how into him I am. Tuesday's lunch may help me figure it out.
Just me..playing the dating game until I have THE reason to stop
Friday, May 20, 2005
Karma is a bitch! I have done this brush off to guys who have been in the same situation as me. They are having a great time and there is me, trying to figure out how to get out of the cat-stench apartment or the bad kissing situation. Crap! I guess it's my due this time around...it's just been a while. I forgot what it felt like. To hear the I'm not into you...when you are into them. But I DO give him credit...at least he called to tell me and didn't leave me hanging and wondering. That shit will drive any sane woman crazy and well...I'm far from sane!
So I was surprised...but not totally. Now I am bummed and feel like that girl on the "crushed" postcard on my damn refrigerator. As much as I want to just crawl into bed, sleep for days and forget that I was starting to really like this guy...I'm gonna pick myself up, brush myself off and get back into the game. Ugh...the game. I am really tiring of the dating game...but better to play the game than stay at home all the frigging time.
So I best cut this short so I can write some "witty and cute" emails to future potentials. Gotta pack the social calendar.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
So we ate, laughed and talked lots. At some point, I noticed that the two girls sitting at the table next to us were making eyes in Mr. D's direction. Oh hellow, so obviously on a date...take your little looks elsewhere please. But he didn't even notice which was nice and at some point he made some comment about being borderline attractive so I decide to give him the little ego boost of letting him in on the looky-loo girls who had been sitting next to us. He hadn't even noticed but said "I hope you noticed who I was paying attention to!". Awww...that'd be me! We talked a bit more and then this server came up to us with a cosmo neither of us ordered and I said "it's them girls!" and we both cracked up. The server got the wrong table besides a cosmo is SUCH a girl drink! So much so...I rarely have one! Too girly...and everyone knows I don't play into the girlie mentality. After we finished dinner, we migrated to the bar and had a couple of cocktails and it was so comfortable just sitting there together, bodies so close we're almost touching but not and just talking and laughing up a storm. I think I got more laugh lines from all the smiling and laughing! We closed out the restaurant and got the keys from the valet and as he was walking towards the car, I go "I thought we were going to walk." So walk we did. It wasn't the ideal weather to be walking around in...that foggy mist that slowly coats your clothes and hair in this fine wet moisture. And I also wasn't wearing the best shoes for it either. I figure with Mr. D being 6'4", I can take full advantage of wearing my heels and I had my 4" strappy "Vegas" sandals on. If I fell down...I was gonna fall down hard from that height! Ha! Thank gawd I didn't fall...a huge feat considering my track record. But I wasn't ready to call the night to an end and I don't think he was either. It was pretty warm in the bar and we just had a couple of drinks. Better to walk around in the cool air and just take it all in. So we walked along the water...talked about this and that. And despite my 4" heels, as I was brought in for the classic bear hug *sigh...so love those* I was the perfect height for him to rest his chin on the top of my head. I got such a kick out of that! I did step in puddles and through wet grass but I didn't care. I was having such a great time and it was nice to just walk and hold hands and occasionally point out things in the city which I think he has learned better in his one year here than in my 29. Go figure!
After our little walk, we drove to my place taking the long route and making a little stop at the Marina Green in his hope that the view would be nice. But with all the fog, mist and drizzle...that wasn't going to happen. But I didn't mind being out and we talked about hijacking one of the sailboats and jetsetting around the bay and asking why his 007 car couldn't sprout wings and fly. All in jest, you know. We weren't about to commit a felony or anything. But fun to joke around. We headed back to my place and said our goodbye. He stood me up on my entry step and he stood below so that we could be almost the same height for our goodnight kiss. Thank the heavens that he can f-in kiss! And then he held my face in my hands and said "don't get sick, don't get sick, don't get sick! and kissed me again. Yes, I just spent more than an hour walking in mist, puddles and wet grass in high strappy sandals. My feet were wet, my hair was damp but getting sick was really farthest from my mind. Sweet that he was so concerned...
*Sigh*...so I had a great time. So much so that I was excited at 12:30am when I got home and called C cuz I had to express my excitement of having had such a good time to someone and she is the only one I know would be awake. She answered with "are you ok?!". Poor thing....freaked her out calling so late!
So all went well...we didn't make plans for a third date but I'm sure (I hope!) I'll hear from Mr.D to plan something soon. Hope, hope, hope *fingers crossed*.