Friday, April 14, 2006

Dear Neighbor...

I’m the new girl who lives above you. I’m a pretty good neighbor. I don’t throw parties, I try to take off my high-heeled shoes when I get home so I don’t clunck around the apartment and stomp all around your head. I haven’t been playing music or movies loud since I’ve barely been home. Yes, there’s the occasional Cash or Buble singing moment but they are legends in their own time and I have a pretty decent singing voice so you are getting entertained for free!

You’re a pretty decent neighbor. I don’t hear *much* noise. But I don’t care what the landlord says, I *know* they haven’t insulated the ceiling between our apartments. I can hear the mumbling of voices. I can hear your wife or girlfriend’s laugh, which is kinda high-pitched. I also can hear when she slams the frigging door to the apartment and yells at you in the hallway. Hellow!! The hallway is communal…you want to quiet it down over there?! Jeez…all I want in life is quiet...like that’s so much to ask. Especially at night! Thank god I’m not hearing you guys go at it because frankly, I can’t even deal with that stuff.

But what drives me close to insane is the snoring. Dude...really...go to a sleep clinic. Your snoring wakes *me* up. I sleep in a different apartment and hear you! And even though the high-pitched laughing, yelling at you girlfriend/wife annoys me...I feel bad for her being stuck sleeping with you. You must be hot or something...or she must be a very deep sleeper. But unfortunately, I'm stuck being a light sleeper now...and your snoring wakes me up! It makes me very cranky and tired on those mornings that I wake up wondering what woke me up and then listen carefully and hear the low but constant rumbling coming from your apartment. Grrrr!! Stop snoring! I'm sleep deprived because of you!

Would it be ok to slip a sleep clinic brochure and the bill for my earplugs under your door?? *sigh*

4 comments:

Steph said...

hahaha...poor Valerie! You need a whit noise machune! It really works!

AM said...

Awww ... I can relate. My former *upstairs* neighbor would snore so loud that I would wake up in my apartment. And then there was the night that the neighbor, the fiance, and the puggle were all snoring! Maybe you need some super industrial strength ear plugs.

Pixy9313 said...

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Kelster said...

Poor Val

When we lived in SF, we had this awesome upstairs neighbor. I loved her, even cooked for her. She didnt know how to boil water. I hear she could nuke a mean Eggo, though.

I miss her.

If only you had such a cool neighbor. Life would be wunnerful. I agree with Steph...white noise machines rock