The Most Boring-est Guy Ever

In my life, I’ve met a lot of guys. Frankly, more guys than I could ever have kept track of and I know that labels me as a serial dater but I don’t care. In the beginning, I was really good about remembering who I’ve met. I finally realized that I am now bad at that when I saw a guy’s Match profile last week and thought he looked familiar but he was one of those guys with just one photo posted. I hate that…I mean, is that the best photo they have taken in all their life and they don’t want to admit what they really look like? People usually have more than one photo they can post on a site they are trying to attract women in which to date. He emailed me and I realized that not only had we emailed before…we had gone on a date. Gah! Not a very good date either. I was not impressed and I remember now that he was super late, talked only about real estate and thought that girls with tattoos in the small of their back were great because it made “the sex even hotter”. Yea, I don’t really see the correlation there since there is only one position out there that allows the guys to see the small of a girl’s back while doing the nasty. Hellow! Oh yea…well that was a rant right there. That wasn’t the purpose of this post.

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So, I’ve met a lot of guys. Some fun, witty, intelligent, engrossing and truly a pleasure to spend time with whether it be on the phone or in person. Others, dull, boring, conceited and cocky whom I never, ever waste more time on again. I have standards and I feel that if I am witty, fun, charming and nice, then the guys I spend time with should be too. That’s pretty simple. I was surprised a couple of weeks ago when I was contacted on Match by this guy who I can only describe as model-cute. I don’t attract model-cute guys. I attract nerdy, tech guys who border on being teddy bear-ish. There’s nothing wrong with that but I do like hot guys with a bit of a bad-boy edge. I realize that hasn’t really worked for me in the past but I can’t help it…that’s what I like. I do, I do, I just do! So this guy is model cute and I figure that I can at least see what he’s all about. We emailed a couple of times and decided to talk. First a little background about the guy before I go into the conversation we had. He was 39, a consultant, lived in the bay area for the last 8 years and seemed nice. But once we got on the phone, he was the most inarticulate, hypocritical, talkative and incredibly boring! So boring, I could have done anything to shut him up. Never in my life have I heard anyone use *ummm*, *you know*, *sucks* and *like* as much as this guy and he’s 39 years old! You would think that his vocabulary would be much, much better considering his age and that he’s a consultant. I don’t get how he obtains clients when he can’t even construct a full sentence without at least one of the above words scattered within it. That doesn’t seem very professional to me. He basically told me that I was lucky to have the family situation that I have even though he has one that is similar and completely distances himself from his own family. How is it that I am lucky and don’t appreciate what I have but he doesn’t. Hypocritical jerk!

Like that wasn’t enough…then he went on to say that the Bay Area is so expensive and starts capping on the city. Bud, if you don’t like the city…get the hell out! We don’t like people like you living in the city anyways! Yet, he’s lived here 8 years. The city isn’t keeping him here. He’s a self-employed consultant and he can basically work anywhere. Then he proceeds to tell me that he could never be a teacher in the Bay Area because teachers get paid poorly and the cost of living is too high to survive as a teacher. He has a friend that lives in Florida who’s a teacher and she owns a home and lives very well on a teacher’s salary. My response to that was *yea, but that’s in Florida*. And you know what he said? He called me a snob!! Whatever buddy…it’s the truth! That is in Florida. Who wants to live in a state that is so hot and humid all the time and has hurricanes every year?! If you want to be a teacher and own a home, I guess Florida is the state to do it in but I’d rather not deal with intense heat, humidity and my home being damaged every year because of damn hurricanes! But I don’t deserve to be called a snob for pointing out the truth.

So not only am I irritated by his lack of conversation skills, I’m pissed that he basically insulted me and keeps bringing up these heavy topics when I am trying to get to know him but frankly, he was boring me to death. I would have excused myself 15 minutes into the conversation if he would have stopped talking and let me say something...anything! Instead, I was stuck on the phone with this nimrod for an hour!! An hour of my life I would love to get back! But I guess I should be happy that I didn’t skip the formality of the *get to know you* phone call before actually meeting him because if I met him personally first, I’d have had to run out of the coffee shop screaming. I doubt that would have done either of us any good. But I seriously think he takes the cake for the most boring-est guy ever!!

Lesson learned…looks aren’t everything. Model cute can mean the guy is a nimrod, boring jerk. At least that’s what it meant in this situation.