The UnSpoken...Faith

Despite being raised Catholic via private schools and super religious parents, I don't talk about faith or religion very often. Fact is, I kind of fell off the wagon and turned my back on faith because of the whole "if so much bad stuff can happen, there really must not be a God" thought process. And I feel like I am the living proof that "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". I know, my soul must be saved.

I hold a lot more stock in the belief of Karma. That you should treat people how you would like to be treated and do unto others what you would do unto yourself. Based on this belief and the happenings and treatment of the last few years, I have some wonderful things coming my way. I just wish they would come now. I also wish that others felt the same way about karma.

So at the beginning of the year, I decided I'd explore faith and try to get back to church...along with yoga and meditation to come to center. The church I go to isn't close so it's a commitment each Sunday to go but it's a little easier if I have plans after or a buddy to go with. One of my new friends is doing the same resolution so we try to meet up and go together. Sometimes other plans get in the way. But it's been a nice exploration so far.

Last Wednesday was the beginning of Lent and so I decided to give up sugar for the following 40 days. I love sugar but I've been finding that I look for something sweet after every meal and that probably isn't helping my weight loss resolution any, especially since I've fallen off the gym wagon. So no sugar for coffee (Splenda ok), no hard candy, no baked sweets and very limited chocolate. I would say no chocolate but I have a stash of Luna and Kashi bars that have chocolate in them plus I pre-paid weeks ago for my ticket to the Chocolate Salon on Sunday.

I'm already dreaming of cupcakes and peanut M&Ms and I'm only 6 days into this little challenge of mine! I hope I survive til Easter! I think I'll have to treat myself to a coconut cupcake at the end of Lent.

Is anyone else giving up something for Lent?

Until next time...

I Did It...I Finally Did It!

I started Fairy Moon!

If you've been a longtime reader, you've probably seen me mention Fairy Moon a few times. Then I go comment on every blog I find who's worked on it and say how much I love it and how I'm going to start it soon. Ha!

And then I tell everyone about my Mirabilia/Nora Corbett "to stitch" list and Fairy Moon is always number 1 on that list. And, uh, my Mira list if getting obscene. So much to stitch!

For years...I've been saying I'm starting it "soon".

For years, it's been kitted up and languishing in a jumbo ziploc in the stash closet. Waiting to be started. For the day to come when I would get over the BAP cold feet and just get on with it already. Valerie...get the heck over it!

And Friday was that day. All irritated with my Christmas stitching with running out of threads and weird colors, I rushed home...slapped that fabric on scroll rods and just started stitching!

And here is what I managed to stitch on Friday and Saturday nights. Not much but its a good start! I started in the middle because I get too nervous starting at the top on projects that don't have a border. This purply part is the fairy's shawl. The fabric is a piece of SMF Dragon Moon which is long discontinued. I think it will really pop and create a night-time illusion of the fairy chasing the moon.

***

I'm having a quiet weekend. Yesterday, I slept in til 11am and just relaxed and caught up on The Voice. I love that show! I ran my errands in the neighborhood and headed to my parents to do laundry and had a nice visit with my mom. She planted a bee in my bonnet a couple of weeks ago about how I should try to find a small condo/apartment to buy. Something about it being a buyer's market with low interest rates. My budget for such a thing is quite low but out of curiousity, I looked on the real estate sites. I found the one of my dreams! Gorgeous. And only $500K for a one bedroom. (!!!) Needless to say, I can't afford that but I think it put things in perspective for my mom that I'd rather rent my lovely apartment than buy something I don't love but can afford. I guess I just have expensive taste or San Francisco is just too darn pricey.

Today is the Oscars!! I've been pretty lax the last 3 weeks or so in my movie viewing so I didn't see everything I had hoped to but I saw a lot of the nominated films. This year, I bought tickets to see a live telecast of the Oscars in a movie theater and they will have an emcee do skits and drawings and such during the commercials. I've always wanted to do this so I hope it's as fun as it sounds! So excited!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

Until next time...

IHSW and TUSAL

So this past weekend was IHSW. It ended up being a busier weekend than I had planned. Of course...doesn't that always happen?! I did go to stitchy group on Saturday and it was great to see all the ladies and gab, gab away. When I wasn't gabbing, I was stuffing my face with dessert first and healthy stuff later. But I did get a little bit of stitching done on my Merry Be.

I decided to stitch this with 2 threads over 2 which means I am running out of a couple of the colors. It just seemed like 1 strand over 2 was too skimpy on 30 count linen. I really have to remember this when I buy these Shepherds Bush kits!

I pulled out Merry Be because Jingle All the Way was throwing me off. I got the reindeer stitched but when I went to the sleigh, I was stitching with orange and lime. See picture to see what I'm talking about.

Um...orange and lime sleigh. I don't get it. When I look at the cover, I know that the designer tea dyed it after stitching but I'm not sure how I feel about tea dying lakeside linen. So I am left with doing substitutions which I hate doing especially when I'm all frazzly. I did see a photo of it finished with what looks like the recommended threads and I liked it. Maybe I just need to get over it? What do you all think? I'm going to sit tight and ponder it a little more.

Here is the cover photo as a comparison:

It was also TUSAL report time. My little jar is filling up little by little. The threads from this month were from the two projects above.

Just a quick post today. I'm still peeved about the things I discussed in my last post but I'll get over it. The weather is beautiful and it's FRIDAY! I'm trying to keep things quiet this weekend and just stitch, relax, do laundry and see the Oscars (and not get annoyed with any stupid men). I'm hoping that I make it to the gym. I've fallen off the wagon and am sooooo unmotivated and I find every excuse not to go.

Hmmm, maybe if it's quiet enough, I can actually write another of the many posts that are only residing in my head at the moment.

Hope you all enjoy the weekend!

Until next time...

The UnSpoken...Dating

**if you're looking for a stitchy post, come back in a day or two**

The weeks have been so busy that I haven't really had time time to fill you in on personal stuff. I've been meaning to but time has been flying. But I'm hoping that things quiet down in the next week or so so I can catch up on some stitching and get back into a gym routine.

Back around Thanksgiving, I made the executive decision to just take myself off the dating market in a way and focus on making friends. I still have myself up on the dating site but this particular one is a "mish mosh" site. Friends, dating, activity partners and the like. This has helped me out immensely. I find that I am more myself and "balls out" and less stressed and anxious about dating. Why am I anxious? Because most guys look to me as a booty call and I don't want to be making that sort of decision under pressure because of the new dating norms. Third date?! Get the hell out! I'm still old fashioned and I think I deserve to be respected. I want to get to know men and see if we really click and I find that after hanging out with someone for a month or so, their true colors start to show. It's hard to keep a facade for that long and things come up to the surface.

At this moment, I'm irritated with this approach. I know it's the right approach for me but I feel like the men I have met lately just proved that they just wanted to get to know me in hopes that I would "come to my senses" and have a relationship or sleep with them. For various reasons, I did not feel comfortable spending time with them other than friends. And I was very honest about that from the beginning. I seem to be a mess magnet. Deep down, I don't understand what is so hard about someone being employed, with their own living arrangement and transportation. I mean, isn't that normal? I've managed this arrangement for over 10 years...on my own! Everyone I've met recently has had at least one of the following wrong...no job, living with parents (at 40 this is not ok), no car or willingness to take public transportation to me or recently divorced with ex-wife still hanging around.

After the last go round, I have no patience for messy men. They have to have a job, their own place or roommate situation that does not involve living with their ex-wife or with parents and a car. I haven't met anyone yet who meets that criteria. Who knew that that was considered picky!

My answer on Tulip Man came swiftly. I was surprised he sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. Was it sweet? Yes. Was it a surprise? Yes.

Why?

My Tulip Man started off our friendship with a white lie. He wasn't honest about what town he lived in. Where he really lived wasn't so convenient to me. He seemed like a nice guy despite that and we had fun with happy hours. Each time we met, I paid my own way and there was no intimacy whatsoever. We were trying to be friends. At least I thought so. He was recently divorced with ex-wife drama. Messy and nothing I want to deal with. I admitted what my profession was but never disclosed my last name or where my office was located. So receiving a flower delivery at work was a surprise. He must have Googled me which you know, is kind of creepy. Heck, there's even the chance he found this blog but you know, bad behavior deserves to be outted. We were supposed to meet up this past Friday but I ended up having a conflict. I contacted him with enough time, apologized and offered alternate dates and ideas. Can you believe that he never wrote me back?! I had to text him to make sure he received it because I wanted to be sure he didn't show up and wonder where I was and all he responded was "yep. I got it." No...sorry to hear you have to cancel but I'm busy the times you suggested. NOTHING! I do not have the patience for douchey behaviour. This is his reaction because I canceled yet offered alternate ideas?! I have people flake and cancel on me all the time and I can be very understanding. If they do it a lot, then I get mad. But just once? So it just makes me believe that Tulip Man hoped that I would meet him on Friday night for our late night outing and he would score because he sent me flowers. Umm...what?

I've met two other men since Thanksgiving and they've disappeared after realizing I was serious about the friends thing. I carved out time for them, shared myself (in the form of time and knowledge and ideas) only to be discarded because I "wouldn't give it up". It's disheartening. I'm a really great person who deserves to be respected and treated as a real person instead of a pretty package that guys would like to "tap". So I've been feeling low. I know that I am better off without them and it's probably good that I didn't waste even more time with them and thank goodness I insisted on the friends thing because their true colors shone like you wouldn't believe.

Last night, I strolled the streets of the city with what is becoming a dear male friend. And I shared my woeful tale of these men that have basically made me feel like I am discardable because I won't be intimate or sleep with them. It's a terrible feeling to just want to be liked for who you are and not what sexual assets were bestowed upon you; and basically be cast aside. And he said all the things I was thinking and I am incredibly thankful that I had someone to lift me up when I was feeling low and to be getting the feedback from a guy. I deserve better. I'm a great person and tons of fun with a bazillion fun ideas of fantastic things to do and places to eat in the city. It makes me mad that men can be so douchey when it comes to being friends/dating.

Well, there's more to share but it's bedtime. I'll be back soon.

Until next time...

Randomness, a Giftie and a Start

Randomness

~I have no idea how it's the middle of February. Serious? I must be dreaming. Someone pinch me...ouch!

~I am very anti-Valentine's Day. Those on my FB can attest to the interesting cartoon I posted. So color me surprised when I received tulips delivered at work, some sweet emails from friends and a guilt-free phone call from my mom. It was a nice Valentine's Day. I hope yours was too.

~Don't start asking about the tulips. I'm not quite sure what to think. But they are pretty and brighten up my desk.

~In the past week, I've been told I have to be nicer and that I'm a cranky-pants. *Sigh* I think I'm a nice cranky pants. I say please and thank you and have a nice day to everyone. I just don't deliver all my news with ego-strokes and smiles. So I'm working on being a nicer not so cranky pants.

~I've been very domestic the past week. I made beef stew, minestrone soup and meatballs. On the last, I managed to smoke out the apartment. Do you know that smoke detectors can talk now? So not only do you have to deal with the beeping, you now have some lady yelling "fire, fire, fire" at you while you are trying to open windows and having to climb up a step ladder to try and get it to be quiet while wishing you grabbed a hammer. I'm happy that no one called the fire department because we all know how embarrassing that would have been!

I'm exhausted and scatter brained so the randomness returned. I feel like I've been running nonstop and doing all these fun things but it's been such a blur that I can't totally remember what I even did to share with you all.

I'm shopping around for new glasses. This is hard for me to do solo since I'm indecisive and glasses are a huge part of my look. I like them to be classic yet make a statement. Be a little hip and a little nerdy librarian. I am also a hard fit for the types of frames that I like. Narrow face, narrow nose bridge and most styles don't come with nosepads which I definitely need. This is where I got called crankypants. Some frames made me look like a girl version of Drew Carey. Others had bling. Some had pink on them. Some were weird colors. Some were thin wire. I got it narrowed down to two styles. Either black/clear or brown/teal. One of the brown/teals would be a complete deviation from what I normally go for. Yet, they're fun. I guess I'll decide in a week when they are all here for me to try on at the same time.

Giftie

I received a lovely surprise in the mail from Sally! Look at this cute little pincushion!
Sally is such a sweetheart. She was looking for a pattern so I let her borrow mine and she stitched this up as a thank you. I was just so happy to help. This is a bonus. I just love it and am hoping this little sheepie brings me some luck! Thank you so much Sally! Sorry it took me so long to post and share.

A Start

Well, I've barely had much time to stitch lately. Since finishing up my stocking, I've been plugging along on my new start with every spare minute or five that I can find. Here is what I've completed so far.
Here's my start on Jingle All the Way by Notforgotten Farm. I'm stitching it on 40 count Lakeside Linens Pearled Barley with the recommended DMC.

This weekend is IHSW! Yay! I look forward to this each month no matter how quiet or hectic that weekend happens to be. This weekend will be busy but I have stitching group on Saturday. Yay! I am hoping to stitch more and gab less but we'll see what happens. If you want to join in on the fun, go sign up on Joysze's blog. She does a great job hosting and bringing us all together each month. Thanks Joyzse! :)

I hope everyone is having a nice week. I'm heading to bed early tonight. I've been so tired lately!

Until next time...

Beautiful

I finally had some downtime today and am catching up on the shows on my Tivo. One of them is the Smash pilot. I love singing/musical shows so I was eager to watch it and I loved Katherine McPhee's rendition of Beautiful in it! I wish I could find a better video of the actual scene which isn't all promo for NBC so this one is the next best thing.

As I listened to the lyrics, it felt very appropriate as a follow up to my Hope post. So take this as a public service announcement for the week. We all have days we feel low and unsure of ourselves and people say nasty things. Where we want to hide under the covers and shut ourselves from the world. Especially if there are a lot of things going on in life.

But I think that as long as we remember that we are beautiful (inside and out) and that every day is wonderful, we're good. The small things really make all the difference.

The following lyrics are just part of the song...the ones that seemed to speak to me.

Every day is so wonderful...

Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed...

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down...

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?...

'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today



We are beautiful in every single way. Having a tough day? Just remember that. And have some m&m's and a cup of tea as a treat.

I'll be back with some stitching stuff over the weekend.

Until next time...

Sadie and Hope

La speranza è l'ultima
cosa mai perso.
Hope is the last thing ever lost.
~ Italian Proverb

So it's no secret that I went through a rough patch for a long while. I don't believe in hiding my feelings on this little blogspace of mine and I've laid it all out there for the world to see. I don't regret it. In fact, I'm kind of proud of myself about that. Honesty is huge in my world...especially after wasting so much time in the most dishonest relationship I have ever been in in my life. This does mean that I say things people don't want to hear. That I may be blunt and to the point. I don't say things to be hurtful though. I say things with my eyes and heart wide open...all for the sake of truth. Life is too precious to waste on lies and innuendo.

I may be a little jaded but I always have hope. I carry a lot of hope around with me every day. Some of it feasible and simple; some of it ridiculous. I hope I make it home in time to watch my shows tonight. I hope that bagged salad in the fridge is still fresh and I don't have to eat top ramen. I hope I meet a fantastic guy who is fun, loving, honest, successful enough (i.e. job, place, car) and worthy of my time and affection. I hope I win the lottery so I can retire! I hope I meet some wonderful new friends this year. I hope my parent/sibling relationship improves. I hope to develop a better support network. I hope to always be treated how I deserve to be treated. I hope to find my patience again.

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break. -Thomas Fuller

When I went to the Shepherd's Bush Retreat in 2010, I knew I wanted to get a stocking kitted up. My heart was set on Anna's stocking. Mainly because of her red dress. But when I arrived to the shop, they were sold out! Retreat was the same time they released Sadie's stocking. It was fresh and new and completely stocked! She was cute. I loved all the snowflakes and the sheep and the tiny sheep and the little village. I'm surprised I did buy her because I am not a pink person and her dress is pink but I guess "nutmeggie" was ok. And her simple message? "Hope"

Sadie and her reminder of hope spoke to me that day and she has been a joy to stitch on in the last month. Tiny sheepies, little village, soft colors, snowflakes, pretty basket.

The beads, buttons and charms weren't as fun to stitch on since I don't like that part of stitching but they bring a lot to the piece. The one downside to stitching a Shepherd's Bush stocking is that they don't reflect the placement on the chart itself so you have to follow the cover photos and this general guide they type up on the label of the charm pack. When I opened the charm pack, there were a few things I wasn't too sure where to place because the cover photo didn't show the very bottom of the stocking. Like the bunny charm, pink flower buttons and the green glass flower. A BUNNY CHARM!! Finding that charm in the pack just solidified the fact that Sadie was the stocking for me. And since I didn't really like the green glass flower in the meadow, I decided to be unique and put it on one of the big sheepies. What do you think?

Sadie's stocking was stitched as kitted up. 18 count natural linen with DMC, Weeks and Crescent Colors Perle 5. This makes huge x's!

I started a new project on 40 count this week. Holy Cow! Them x's are teeny! How did I stitch on 40 count before?! This is going to take a bit of adjustment.

This little post is all about Sadie and just how hope prevails in my everyday. It's been very hectic lately and my weeks and weekends have been a blur with little stitching. I'm hoping to have a quiet week/end next week so I can just relax, stitch, get to the gym and catch up on my backed up posts.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Until next time...