Thanks to AM for sending me this Christmas email. I can't resist sharing! It's just too funny and I was actually asked if I was laughing or crying by my coworkers as I was trying to stifle my laughter. I guess this is one way to deal with my *Scroog-ette* mode.
Tequila Christmas Cake
1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. (I already sampled it.....several times to check the quality)
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point its best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup...just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.