Thursday, July 14, 2005

Excuse Me?!

What did you just say to me?! Yea, I don't think so.

So the background...

I must confess that I was giving one of the guys I had previously dated a second chance. I won't say who because I don't want to get yelled at by some of my friends (you know who you are!!) by being so incredibly stupid yet hopeful. It has to do with that whole "coupling" shit. I've been brainwashed. Whatever...come up with whatever excuse you want and we'll go with that.

Anyways, after or at the same time as the V#3 distancing, this guy contacted me and I agreed to meet up again to catch up and we had a fabulous date. Lots of conversation and laughs...probably due to the 5 gallons of sangria we both drank. Gawd, I love sangria! Anyways, after much guilting on his part to see me before I left for tropical Nicaragua, I saw him play (huge hint here!) at a local cafe and we went to dinner. I was cranky for a good portion of the date since I worked 10+ hours that day with no lunch break and had to take the train to see him play. I admit I did want to see him but considering my work load, the fact that I hadn't even packed and was leaving in two days and I was basically stressed, tired and freaking out. Not ideal circumstances for me to be dating. Lesson learned...but he guilted me into it so it's his own damn fault.

Now I was hesitant in even seeing where things might go the first time around because I am picky and there are few things I will put up with. I will NOT put up with constant calling, guilting, smothering and the want or need to be with me 24/7. I have been out of a relationship for over 5 years now and have gotten pretty used to being independant, strong willed, blunt and opinionated. Because of this, I now tend to attract needy, clingy guys who want to be taken care of. Yea, I don't THINK so! Despite me being independant and all that, I would like to be taken care of but have established that I don't need a guy around to do that. But it would be nice to have a guy around for the times I have to drag a 50 pound suitcase or one of those 35 count water bottle packets from Costco up two flights of stairs. I can do it...but I'm pretty winded and tired after that! Anyways, this guy is clingy and needy and honestly, sometimes acts more like a girl than me. I am the GIRL not HIM! That really should have been the clue I listened to. *sigh*

Anyways, while on my vacation, I emailed said guy twice...the second time being the day before I left to come back home. I emailed him on Monday and I came back VERY, VERY early on Tuesday. I basically told him that I brought back a couple of things for him that I thought he would appreciate and that I would call him when I had a chance but it probably wouldn't be Tuesday...the day I got back.

I got in on Tuesday at 1230am, my dad was nice enough to wake up up at 7 in the frickin morning on the only day I got to sleep in and then at 11am...said guy called. Ummm...didn't I say that I would call him?! Why don't guys listen? I had plans with my old neighbor, Kel (hi!) and when we got back, I went grocery shopping and came back to my parent's house where I had crashed for the night. Their place is closer to the airport than mine. Anyways, said guy calls me AGAIN at 5pm and I call him back soon after. He starts in about how he's missed me and when will he see me and then tells me he'll call me back...which he does, about an hour later.

During this phone call...there was a lot of guilt tripping and frustration. He wanted to see me and I kept telling him I couldn't. Hmmm...let's see why. I JUST got back(that same day...helloww!) from a 10 day vacation out of the country...I was still at my parents and had to do errands and pay bills and basically keep two households afloat AND I hadn't even made it HOME yet!! Dude, I haven't stepped foot in my apartment, haven't slept in my own bed for days and frankly, was pretty cranky of suffering days of mosquito bites and heat rash (more details on this coming). I HAD TOLD HIM that I wouldn't be available that day...that I would call HIM and we'd figure things out then! I hate, HATE it when I am not listened to because so many people don't and if I expect anything at all, I expect that my friends (true ones at least) and the guy I am dating, listen to what I am saying and take it to heart. If I say I will call, I will and if I say I can't do something, I can't. It's pretty simple people....really....simple. Not complicated at all. SIMPLE!

So I go off on a mini rant to said guy and tell him I said in my email that I would be busy and he responds to me by saying "I can act cool too. I tell him, "you can act however you want". Have I been acting "cool"? Yes. Why? Because of all the aforementioned neediness, clinginess, constant calling, guilt tripping and basically driving me frigging nuts because starting a relationship with someone shouldn't be that hard. I had sensed it before and stupidly went in to another attempt thinking it would be different and maybe me having distanced myself before made him realize that he was being just a tad intense. Umm...obviously not!

He continues with the wanting to see me and I have to repeat that I am busy, just got in that morning, stayed at my parents, hadn't even been home yet and had errands to run still...and he says, "so THAT'S why you're being so BITCHY". *stunned silence* What?! I say, "I can't believe you just said that to me!" *more silence* and then I tell him, "I think I'd better go now". His response was, "thanks for the call" and I reminded him that "you called me". And his response to THAT was, "oh, I meant, thanks for calling me earlier." Ummm...can we say IDIOT!!

After I hung up, I was surprised that I didn't go off on him because I can't remember the time any guy has ever insinuated I was being or am a bitch. Cranky...yes. Reserved....yes. But a bitch...completely uncalled for. I packed up my stuff, loaded up the car and headed home when my phone rings again. It's him...calling to apologize. All I can say is that I don't understand why he has to see me today and that I will call him later because at this point...I'm over it. I am ticked off, insulted and don't want to get into it with him when I am driving.

I haven't called or emailed him. I think he knows that he crossed the line and if he is calling me a bitch after 4 dates and sporadic conversation over the course of the last two months, what will keep him from doing it again? From insulting me because he isn't getting his way. I may be a forgiving person but I am not stupid. I guess after some reflection, my two friends were originally right (no gloating allowed, 'k). I feel like I need closure in this situation but I cannot bring myself to contact him. To tell him that despite apologizing, I can't do it anymore. I cannot conform to what he wants and he will not allow me to We obviously want and expect different things out of a relationship. He: someone available to him 24/7. Me: someone to spend some time with, talk to once in a while but also to be able to spend nights by myself or with friends. I value myself, my independance and my values too much to compromise or lose myself to the whims of someone else.

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