Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'm Back!

Yes, I am back...finally. And I don't mean "finally" as in "damn, that was the longest trip ever and I kissed the tarmac after I landed"...more like, finally, I can get back into trying to get my life, which seems as though it's in a shambles, in some sort of order. Honestly, I feel like I have neglected myself and I don't know how to take care of myself anymore. I have been so busy putting others in boss, my parents, my siblings and even more so, these stupid fucking guys I have been dating over the past six months. Seriously, online dating takes it's toll and I feel so frazzled, vulnerable and exposed right now just because I have put myself out there in obvious high hopes and those hopes have been dashed to the ground and some annoying, gleeful kid is stomping all over them right now. Something seemingly simple (i.e. meeting cool guy I get along with who I am into and he into me) is beyond my grasp and it frustrates me. I give up! I can't take the dating and the interviewing style and conflicting personalities and the constant "talk". You know, the "as much as I think you're a cool guy/girl(depends what fucking side of the conversation I am on), I just don't feel that we are a good fit/that it will work out/that there is a romantic connection between us". Pick your ending to the sentence...either sucks some serious ass.

So I am now trying to remember what my life was like before trying to "couple". To remember what I liked to do. Remember what it was like to know what you had to do on any given pay bills. Yea, that concept has almost escaped me on many occasions as I look blankly at the calendar and try to remember what day, week or month we are in since my days run into one another and it's all one huge frustrating blur. Oh crap! It's the 30th...I gotta pay rent. Yea...can't forget to pay rent on time especialy since I am on the shit list with my landlord.

Hmmm...what else? Oh yea...knitting. You know, that thing you do with yarn and two sticks and make for yourself and people. Yea, I got two major projects to finish by the end of the year and have I even sense the answer right?! Ding, ding, ding!! The answer is a huge and resounding NO! Fuck...I gotta knit. Which may actually be a good thing since I already have the supplies and am so damn broke that I should really be a shut in for the next couple of months to at least get my budgeting back in order. *sigh*

Not to mention I have 39 continuing education credits to complete by the end of August for my insurance license at work *yawn* and seriously have to get this done sooner than later. AND do that online real estate course because that may open up more job possibilities for me in a field I do have some interest in. Not necessarily the real estate broker part but more the property management/leasing consultant/mortgage broker side of things. There are so many possibilities with this license but that means studying which also means more being a "shut-in" at home studying or sitting in a coffee shop with this book that is bigger than my ass. Umm...that means pretty big by the way. AND, yea...there's more...and I want to enroll in the legal assisting course at the local college to see if that may be my answer to a higher salary bracket. Did I meantion I was broke?! Oh yea....I did...well, I'm just reminding you!

So, yea...lots to do. Taking dating off my plate is probably a good idea but it's hard to get adjusted to when you've been a hard core dater for a long ass while. I still need to find a new job which pays more than I make now AND paint my apartment. Anyone up for a painting party?! Sangria, beer and pizza is on the house!

And most of all...keeping current on the blog! It's been almost a month. Yea, I're all ticked off too that I haven't updated it. I've been busy!

Wow, I am making myself really tired listing out all the things I need to do in a seemingly limited amount of time. Why is there always so much to do and so little time?!
But I am back...more updates to follow.

1 comment:

Kelster said...

Wow. I didnt realize it had been so long since I checked in here.

I wont comment on this post since it was so long ago, but it does sound like my naging was going on in the back of your head while you were typing.

My evil is everywhere.