Monday, August 04, 2008

Reflections on Dating

I haven't had anything positive to say about dating in some time...and I still don't. There has been a lot of reflection and frustration on the subject though. In the past month, I've found myself conversing with unavailable men. There was...

The married guy I had to tell off for the obvious reason that he's married and his wife is dying to have loads of his babies. I will not get involved with attached men and frankly, I don't see screaming, wailing babies in my future.

And there was...

The guy who was married and is now divorced with 2 kids in Reno. Oh geez, that's way more baggage than I can deal with and I told him so. I can deal with divorce but not someone else's children. I don't think I'd even be able to deal with any supposed children I'd have hence me just saying I won't have any.

And there was this...

A while back, I sent an email to this guy on a new dating site I am trying out. We matched up high and even agreed that the other was cute and seemed cool. I contacted him. Problem #1. I contacted HIM. He emailed me back and commented on all the questions I asked of him but he didn't ask any questions of me. Hmmm. Problem #2. If a guy doesn't ask me anything about me and only rambles about himself, I am not interested in "chatting" anymore. I am very good about balancing both and I pose questions throughout my email versus the 20 questions at the end. If you only talk about yourself, I'm going to assume that you're self-centered and not really all that interested in getting to know me. So I never wrote him back. Well, yesterday I received an email from him that said that after review of his last email to me, he realized that he may have come off disinterested but that that wasn't the case at all and that he'd like to meet me for coffee if I was so inclined. Problem #3...why did it take him 6 weeks to figure that out?!

*bangs head on table*

You see what I'm dealing with here? I should just stop dating altogether and start writing that chicklit novel or Guide to Men for Dating from Girl Standpoint already. I have more than enough "research" but now seem to be low on time.

I've been wasting too much time on unavailable men. And I keep telling myself to just lay low, relax and do my own thing. People keep telling me that that's when you "least suspect it". Blech! I hate hearing that. Oh and the whole bit about guys being attracted to happy people. Oh hey...I'm just a little bitter and annoyed right now but I'm truly a happy, smiley person with some sarcasm and quirkiness thrown in. What's not to like about that?! I mean, I'm obviously attracting men here...they are just all the wrong types of men. *sigh*

So I try to deal with the rotten apples I'm being handed here and I also try not to think about the fact that I'm a little pent up. It's been a while...a long one and I'm getting annoyed that it's actually THIS hard to meet a cool yet nice guy. But I still have my wits about me (barely) and am not about to "hook up" with any of the rotten apples I've been handed because that is so not my style. But if things around here don't change soon, I will not be held responsible for any stupid decisions I may end up making.

I've been talking to friends at work and they've been trying to convince me to look into Team in Training as a cool way to meet new people. There's a problem though. I haven't run in about 20 years, I am scared to death of falling off a bicycle and getting run over by a car in the process so I don't bike and I am one of the worst swimmers out there. I do not see a triathalon in my all. So I am brainstorming how to put myself out there. For some reason, I don't have problems meeting strange men on dates but the prospect of putting myself out there to meet new people as friends makes me nervous. I think it's because I've always felt much more comfortable meeting people one on one or in small groups. But all these meet up events are bigger groups and when I'm in a big group...I'm not so witty and sarcastic but more reserved and shy. Go figure.

Does it all really have to be this hard?!


Ann Marie said...

Yay! The new layout is up. It looks fantastic!!

Carol R said...

Oh wow - your new look is here - it's great!
What is the picture? I expect US residents will know but this Brit doesn't!