The past month or so has had me questioning why I've bothered, yet again. I know why I did but again...the frustration and feelings of being perpetually single settle in.
There have been a few wishy-washy, flaky guys. It's frustrating to spend time emailing with nothing coming of it. I'm not online to acquire countless penpals. I have a hard enough time staying caught up on emails with people I actually know.
I did meet a nice, but boring guy who I didn't feel any spark with. He recently went through this big production of telling me he hit it off with someone and was going to see where things went with her. I had to tell him I was spending time with him on the pretense of friends to begin with so he could do what he wanted but it'd be nice to continue to be friends. We go on urban hikes and the like. He's the type of guy I can be friends with because if I was actually dating him, he'd realize very quickly how sloth-like I can be. That's one of the problems of the elible men in my dating pool. They *all* like to hike, bike, run, swim, marathon, hanglide, parasail, ski, snowboard, hit the gym everyday, hit the clubs and dance all night. Then there's me whose into art, culture, food, film, urban hikes, yoga and other things that are visually or audibly stimulating. I need to find a guy who has an even mix of active and fun interests. But hey, I made a new friend out of the madness of online dating.
I started emailing and chatting with this guy who, friends, was drop dead gorgeous! At least his photos were. And his photos were a little too professional and meticulous and I was wondering if this guy was even real. He mentioned meeting and then retracted it? Ummm...what? Who does that? He painted on the side and so he talked a lot about painting and art and models. He was very direct and explicit about the models and women he liked. Classic face, rubanesque body. Big boobs, big bum, curvy. I fit that description and physique very well and he would bring it up all the time. I have the feeling he was waiting for me to offer to model for him. After the 5th+ time of his saying he liked big butts, I told him he was very direct and never heard from him again. Ha! Guys really hate hearing the truth. Frankly, I think he's a troll hiding behind a computer screen trying to get girls to come over and model nude for him because he looks f-in hot in his photos. The last thing I need is to model nude and have my photos get out to all the guys in my department. Um, hell no.
(Click to read the relevant caption)
A couple of days later, I received an email from a different guy who seemed a mess. Unemployed, no real direction and not even my type. He emailed me to say I had a classic beauty. It was a nice compliment so I replied to say thanks and that was it. A couple of days later, he sent me another message asking if I had any interest in partaking a lover from the site and went on to say he thought I was really beautiful and how he thought he could satisfy me. Ugh! Yea...really. I am not lying. There was a part of me that was disgusted and a part of me that was flattered but mostly, I was just grossed out. I replied in that manner and told him that the purpose of a dating site it to date and that there are sites out there specific to booty calls if that is what he wanted. Over the course of the month, this guy has emailed me to apologize, ask if I'd reconsider, told me he regretted that approach since he feels I am truly the real deal and a good catch, wished me the best of luck in my search while sending me an erotic short story he wrote of his imagined sexual encounter with me. Wonderful. I've managed to acquire another stalker. At least this guy doesn't know my real identity.
Then there was the guy who wanted to have a text relationship. I don't really like texting unless I am running late or need a quick answer on something. I definitely dislike flirting and guys making kissyface comments to me in text...before I've even met them. I am not going to reply in the same context either if I haven't met them because they can be one of those trolls with 10 year old pictures. Thank.you.very.much.but.no!
And despite all the weirdness, I was brave enough to go on a real date with a different guy (not any of the ones above) and had a nice time on the first date. We met at a wine bar, had fun conversations and migrated to another place for cocktails and appetizers. Together, we seemed to have good energy. I had my reservations though because he was super alternative and into things I knew I wouldn't put up with for very long. Not to mention, after appetizers, we took a little walk and he was very forward. Kissyface, grab ass, flattering compliments about my assets. I had him walk me to my car and he asked me if I'd be his girlfriend! First date! I'm not committing to being anyone's girlfriend on the first date. Despite the forwardness and alternative lifestyle, I figured a second date couldn't hurt. It would help me make a decision. I had to explain that I wasn't going to go dancing or clubbing(his plan), that I was more interested in getting to know him and insinuated that he wasn't going to "score" on the second date. Well, the second date ended up being a therapy session. He's a widow and went on and on about his deceased wife (sad circumstances I understand but this is a date), talked about the various other dates he had had and how soon he had sex with them (as soon as second date) and the quality of it and then at the end of dinner asked me if we should split the bill. I decided to just be done with him and pay for the meal. He obviously just wanted to have a "girlfriend" to have regular sex with even though it was apparent he is not over or healed from the death of his wife three years ago.
After these various online dating experiences, I'm starting to feel like men only see me as a pretty face with generous boobs and ass. I get that guys like that. I have it. I don't like that feeling of guys thinking that "oh yea, I'd tap that" line when they see me. I am more that pretty looks, big boobs and a nice ass. And this is with me playing down my looks. I hide behind glasses and live in jeans, cargos and hoodies most of the time. I am smart and nerdy and fun and sarcastic and kind and genuine with a good sense of humor who can sometimes be a cranky ass and a little neurotic and yes, I happen to have a pretty face, big boobs and a nice ass. But most of all...I'm a genuine person who deserves to be respected and have men realize I'm a great catch. And I am. And I've had men realize and tell me that...oftentimes too late.
And before you all think I have my stuff hanging out for all the world to see on the internet, I have headshots and pretty routine photos where my stuff is covered. I'm wondering why I'm getting this sort of response to my profile when the photos are sedate.
I'm starting to feel like I will really be single forever. I know, I know...it happens when you least expect it. Meh. Years ago, when I first tried online dating, they had these quizzes that would tell you the probability of meeting your match and I took the quiz. My probability was 7%. That is sad...and the older I get, the more I am starting to believe that is true. I am frustrated.
Even more frustrating is having your face on a damn dating site. Everywhere I go, I wonder why people look familiar. Later on, I realize it's because I've seen their picture on the damn dating site! All I want is to get the hell off the site. But I think that at this point, I'm just going to have to take myself off of it although my preference would be to come off the site because I met someone fabulous on it. I want to have this feeling...
And come away from it feeling giddy and excited and hopeful of the possibilities...instead of feeling like guys just want to feel up my junk.
And if anyone knows a nice, fun, cute, tall guy who has their act together in my area, let me know. It can't be worse than dating one of these guys on the damn dating site.
This post has probably freaked out my sister if she's reading this. I am not moving to Texas unless there's a nice Texan that will sweep me off my feet or come live in SF!
And you married folks...you guys/gals are lucky. And sorry if I offended any of my male readers by using generalizations despite them being true to my experience. I know all men aren't like that.
It's after 10pm and I should be packing for my road trip but I am sporting a massive headache. I think I just need to wake up early, throw some stuff in a bag and wing it! I can't believe it's time to leave but am looking forward to a little me time.
