Tuesday, June 14, 2011

You Will Be Single Forever...

I’m sure whatever male readers I have will cringe at the series of posts that may come to fruitaition due to responses I get from online dating.

This hasn’t been a dating blog in a while and I am more focused on being healthy, more myself and making new friends than being desperate for a date. Besides, I don’t really have the time or the wardrobe at the moment. I do have an online profile that does need some serious work. I don’t think that I will meet the love of my life via said means but I have it up as a method of moving forward. This particular site is convenient because it is free but it is also the site I met my ex through and we all know how well that turned out. There are all kinds on there and I have very little faith in it. For the most part, the contacts I’ve made recently because of the profile have been annoying.

You may ask why I don’t use a paid service for a better outcome. They are as bad as this one and I’ve seen the same photos/people on the paid sites as the free site. People double dip in online dating. So…why bother paying? But that doesn’t matter. I don’t feel all that serious about dating and would rather just meet people (via social networks, volunteering, etc.) and see if something develops from that instead of this online dating and the wham bam thank you ma’am outlook that stems from it.

Like I mentioned before, guys (at least the ones I’ve encountered online) have problems communicating, yet are amazingly arrogant and rude. I received an email from one guy, who I’ve been trying to avoid for various reasons but mainly because his first contact with me was an email to ask me what high school I went to and say he was surprised he didn’t know me. Just because someone grew up in San Francisco, does not mean you know everyone of the same age. Seriously? Not to mention, it’s nice etiquette to say hi, how are you, I enjoyed your profile before you go asking personal questions about people. But no…just the question. My reply was that he wouldn’t know me from high school period.

Another email; I decide to explain. I now wish I had kept the response so I could copy and paste it here but I was super annoyed and deleted it. He basically put down where I grew up and how he didn’t really consider me a city native, asked me what my passions and loves are and then says “you will be single forever.”

Really? Why would anyone say that to someone they didn’t know? I emailed him back and told him that there is a chance that someone will remain single no matter how many or few friends they had and wished him luck on his search. Besides, people who cannot form complete sentences annoy me.

Why would he ask for more (personal) info about me and then make a comment like that? What’s the context? Does he think his comment will scare me that I’ll run to him so that we both won’t be single and at least have each other?! Was it because I’m not all warm and fuzzy over his random emails?

I would rather be single forever than deal with stupidity like that on a regular basis. The guy can be well off and have all the money in the world and I still wouldn’t settle for the likes of him.

Besides, I've got more important things to think about today...like whether I should go to Costco or get my nails done after work. Decisions, decisions....

24 comments:

Margaret said...

Sounds like a real charmer, that one. Geez! I do know that my cousin met his wife through an online dating site. It's pretty bizarre, but they seem quite compatible. She actually moved all the way from NJ to settle with him in CA too. Good luck with the dating.

Laura said...

I can really sympathize with you!!!! I finally met my husband when I was 34. I had given up all hope and was resigning myself to hanging out with my Mom for the rest of my days (which would not have been so bad), but then I got lucky.

BUT, I will say this.....getting married is not the be all and end all. To tell the truth, I would never even get married again in the future should something happen.

Also, my Grandma had the best saying, "Blessed singleness is better than double cussedness." Which means it is better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else.

I think the volunteering and social group method will bring you into contact with healthier people. I wish I knew a really hunky hetero male who liked to stitch and do all the things that you enjoy!

Hang in there girl!!! I know good things will come to you!

Deb said...

Oh dear, you're making me relive my dating years all over again, but on-line dating wasn't really a big thing back then. Take heart, I got married at 38 and have two kids! You just have to muddle through the clutter before you find the right one.

But even though I have a good husband, there are days when I long to be single again. Crazy, huh?

Gabi said...

What a mean thing to say. With his charm he must be a hit with the ladies...NOT.

CalamityJr said...

Hang in there! Mr. Right will show up when you're not expecting him!

April Mechelle said...

I have been married for nearly 30 years. I have always been married.. over half my life... lol I married at 16... So I had no single life.. I just know for me, that we like the same things and we like to do the same things. It is hard work.. I know you know that from your earlier relationships. My friends all found there loving dh's by being around people that liked and did the same things as them. One is a medical examiner and her DH is a EMT. One loves jewelry and her DH is a Jewelry Broker.. lol I kid her all the time... I know someone is out there for you... It will happen...Just keep doing the things that you like to do, and going to places you like to go... It will happen... I have a real good friend that has blown through about 10,000.00 trying to found her my right through On-Line dating. She was divorced. If they are Divorce... She says" They have a lot of baggage" lol mostly ex-wife drama... She says it is not worth it. I do have a friend.. A guy. He is 48 lives at home with his parents since 1987.. That is the year he divorced his ex-wife for the 2nd time.. Has one son who is 25. lol.. I will not go into anything else about him.. and he keeps asking me why he cannot find anyone? Duh... your mom still cooks for you and does your laundry!!! If you need a good man to drive your parents to Dr appointments!!! I know he will fill that job.... lol Hope this last bit cheered you up !!! Some guys are good friends but not Marriage material.... lol

Branlaadee said...

I found my husband online. It's not for everyone, and you really have to go through a lot of crap people before you find a good one....a whole LOT of crap people. Honestly, I would have blocked your buddy by now. I have the feeling he's the one that's going to be single forever. :P So, which was it?? Nails or Costco? I am hoping nails!

Melanie said...

Yikes. :(
I know a few couples who met online and got married, etc. and it all worked (and is still working out years later) but that definitely doesn't seem like the norm. I have a few single friends who keep fishing in that pool and coming out with one heart breaker after another. And then the drama sometimes with other women if he's emailing other people too. Oy. Real winners out there sometimes. :(
Best of luck!!!

Annemarie said...

Ewww, that doesn't sound like a nice way to meet nice people. On the other hand, I met my first love, married him and got divorced. And I've never been so happy to be single. Believe me, it's better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship and utterly miserable!
Having said that, I do hope you bump into someone who can finish a complete sentence and who loves you, quirks and all.

KarenV said...

I agree 100% with the social group route to finding someone, as that's how I found my DH. I've probably mentioned this before, but we both belonged to the local branch of a group called Spice UK, which organises tons of social activities for adults of all ages. Eveything from quiz nights to ski-ing holidays and everything in between! We met at one event and just exchanged hellos and then met up properly at a NYE event - I was there with my ex-boyfriend and I nearly didn't go, but I'm glad I did ;) I don't know if you have anything similar over there - you would probably enjoy Spice, as you're quite social and there really are events for everyone.

Mr "You're going to be single for the rest of your life" sounds like a complete jerk! There are nice guys out there and they usually come along when you least expect them to :) I would say concentrate on building a wonderful social life and the rest will follow (if you want it to) Good luck with it - it's definitely not too late to find someone and settle down.

Hazel said...

Jeeps what a creep. I reckon you are right. I think he does think you are going to run straight to him. Control freak. There is someone out there for everyone but nobody is perfect. Just go out and have fun and the rest will follow. xx

Meari said...

As my BFF would say, "I'd rather be cutting my toenails" LOL

Oh, I can sooooo relate to what you're going through. I've been divorced for 10 years and did the online dating thing. As others have said, you have to go through a LOT of losers to get even one who's close to being decent.

And *they* wonder why they're single. Or, the dreaded question they ask "Why are YOU single?" Ummm... cuz there's a lot of losers out there.

I'd rather be single than miserable with the likes of those I've run into online. I've also noticed most of them serious have "issues" that they're in denial about or refuse to deal with.

Pumpkin said...

Um, I think you can let that one go ;o) You know Valerie, I was at a point like you and I was to a point where I just gave up, figuring I would never meet someone. I didn't go out with friends or party so I figured there was NO way I was going to meet 'the' right guy. When I stopped looking, that's when it happened :o) Don't give up and you won't be single forever!

Carol said...

Yep--that sounds like the same sort of comments my sister was getting during her online dating experiences! How stupid he sounds--and you know what, "stupid" is forever...

I'll bet you'll meet someone when you least expect it, Valerie. Not much help coming from someone who's been married for almost 34 years, but I'm so glad you're just trying to get out there and meet new people and friends and not just "the guy!" You sound like such a fun-loving person and someone who is fun to be around :)

Julie said...

I mey my DH at an undertakers!!! thats always a conversation stopper when i tell folks LOL

I loved your final line in that post, it did make me smile, Mr Right is out there somewhere for you Valerie xxxx

Jeanne said...

What a jerk! I know people who have found their partners thru online dating services so it's not impossible but just like any other venue, there are a lot of losers there too. I would try joining some organizations...a hiking club or something where you can broaden your social circle. I married when I was 34 so I know how it is out there in single-land. Don't give up.

Ann Marie said...

What a dickwad. Seriously ... *who* says stuff like that??!!

Rachel S said...

I remember those kind of men from online dating. My favorite was the one who asked me what I possibly thought I had in common with him. They really do make singlehood look more and more inviting. But, since you've now done your time in jackwagon hell, you are due a decent online match!

Giovanna said...

Honestly, guys like that aren't worth the bit of life you lose by just getting angry about them - he's just a total waste of time, space, planet's resources, etc. Move on and leave him far away behind you where he belongs: you're so much more worth than a jerk like that.

Wendy said...

Hi Valerie ~ thank you so much for the warm welcome!

And I agree with the great advice from everyone else. My sister did the online dating route and did marry her soul mate! But she said she had to kiss a lot of frogs before she 'found her prince'

VALIE said...

??? A weirdo, for sure. Better drop the matter, and not even respond. I believe there is no guarantee one way or the other (meaning success or failure), whether you meet somebody on line, at the gym or in the underground. Stop worrying, go on trying, enjoy your life as it is (ie single for the time being).

Sylvia said...

Ok, I am pretty sure I know who will be single forever, and its not going to be you!! That guy is cringeworthy, geeze.

I like Karen V's suggestion. I think meeting someone is a social setting has got to be better than online. I met my husband at a party through a mutual friend and we have been married 23 years. But I could see how meeting a decent guy in SF might be tough. My brother lives in Richmond & is single - but he would just break your heart -lol. He loves 'em and leaves 'em....

Hang in there Val - your guy is out there.

Michelle said...

My vote would be for getting your nails done! LOL! There are jerks everywhere out there - online and in person. You might look into joining a group through Meet Up, that focuses on an interest of yours. Or take Karen V's suggestion of a singles group with planned outings. As the acupuncture begins to help you have more energy and be excited about going out and doing things, this might be a good option for you!

Anna van Schurman said...

My sister met and married (at 42) someone from Match. She had been dating for over 20 years. (Not on match the whole time. LOL!) And she had some unnecessarily hostile emails from men. FWIW, I always told her to get out and live her life and the right man would be out there. It's not bad advice, just not how it worked for her. I'm sure you'll find your way. PS I also married at 34. That seems to be a popular age here today!