As of 11pm tonight, I'm back to being a single girl. I didn't think I would feel happy to be single at the end of all this but I am...and extremely relieved. The last month has been a roller coaster ride of sadness, anger, disbelief and in the end, a lot of hurt and pain. I won't go into too much detail but it involved a massive amount of crying...and a massive amount of anger. I don't think I've been so angry and disappointed in another person in my whole life. *The boy* who is now just another ex got himself so sick that he ended up passing out in the street and being sent to the hospital. There he stayed for nine days.
What makes me upset is that his mother was supposed to book his ticket and the day he was set to leave, he discovers his flight was booked out of the wrong airport. Who does that!? Bad enough to book it wrong but then to not double check that the person booking actually did it right? That was bad enough! I had booked my vacation for the same week he was leaving. He'd be gone on a Monday and the next 7 days were to be mine...to regroup, pick myself up and do a few fun things for myself. But...no...he was stuck here and I had to deal with him. Then two days later, he was in the hospital. Haven't I done this already? WTF?! So he was *really* sick. It was all avoidable and preventable which made me angrier and I felt like I just couldn't deal with it. It seemed worse than a broken leg and I called his mother to tell her how sick he was and could you believe that she wouldn't come out?! Or send someone?! So guess who had to deal with it all? Yea...me. The ex-girlfriend trying to get her loafer ex-boyfriend the hell out of her place. I have never wanted to tell off a 70-year old off before that day...I still do...but that's fading. I will still send her an email on my feelings but I promise not to curse at her. I was raised better...respect your elders and all that stuff.
And during the hospital stay, the lies and betrayal came to the surface. So not only am I sad and uber-angry, I find I was used, taken advantage of, lied to and discovered things were used or taken without permission. It is all so unforgiveable.
A ruined vacation, a broken heart and a red mood that will not quit.
I put up with a bad situation all because of hope and now I realize I should have let go a good year ago and given myself the restart then. Then, I was scared of being single but I'll embrace that now. Being single is a lot easier than dealing with the bs I've put up with in the duration of this relationship. It gets lonely sometimes being single but that's easier to deal with than regret and always ranking last.
Because of all this, he leaves two weeks later than planned and not only did it F up my vacation, it messed with plans I had with other people.
It did put a couple of things into perspective. I am always happiest when doing the things I love and I should never be with someone who won't take the time to do things I like even if they don't totally like it. It changes me and I become a shell of who I really am. Also, as much as I complain about my old folks and they drive me nuts, I know they love me and I love them. And I know that if anything terrible happened in which I would have to be hospitalized, my 80 year old crippled, seemingly always sick mother would find her way to me and never, ever leave my side. She would pray over me with her rosary and her million Santa Marias willing me to get better. And if she couldn't, she would send someone and she'd make sure that person got there and they gave constant reports on my progress. And I know that with every fiber of my being. His family left him to rot in a hospital 3,000 miles away. And being the good Catholic girl I was raised to be, I made daily visits despite the hurt and sadness and betrayal...because my mom taught me compassion and good manners. That's not to say I didn't spend my visits bereting him and hating his family with every fiber of my being. Because...they lied to me too and put me in a very bad position. And for all that, they can take a flying leap. I regret every minute I spent stitching gifts for them and that may make me seem like an indian giver but they are truly undeserving...of my time, effort and kindness. You don't leave family cast aside when they need you the most...you just don't!
Now it's time to focus on me. Get back to stitching, catch up with old friends, meet new people, discover a new fitness regime, go to all the summer things I love, learn how to smile again and laugh and find myself again. I can only hope that the last half of 2010 is better than the last year and a half.
If you've stuck with me through all this, I thank you more than you even know. I really appreciate the time taken to comment on my last post and even more the folks who sent me personal emails. You know who you are. It means so much to receive an email that just says "how are you doing...I'm thinking about you". It made me feel less alone and made things a little more bearable.
I promise the next post will be more upbeat! I've done no stitching (ok, a teeny tiny bit) but lots of reading. I'll come back and tell you about that soon.
Until next time...