Saturday, June 05, 2010

Betrayed

As of 11pm tonight, I'm back to being a single girl. I didn't think I would feel happy to be single at the end of all this but I am...and extremely relieved. The last month has been a roller coaster ride of sadness, anger, disbelief and in the end, a lot of hurt and pain. I won't go into too much detail but it involved a massive amount of crying...and a massive amount of anger. I don't think I've been so angry and disappointed in another person in my whole life. *The boy* who is now just another ex got himself so sick that he ended up passing out in the street and being sent to the hospital. There he stayed for nine days.

What makes me upset is that his mother was supposed to book his ticket and the day he was set to leave, he discovers his flight was booked out of the wrong airport. Who does that!? Bad enough to book it wrong but then to not double check that the person booking actually did it right? That was bad enough! I had booked my vacation for the same week he was leaving. He'd be gone on a Monday and the next 7 days were to be mine...to regroup, pick myself up and do a few fun things for myself. But...no...he was stuck here and I had to deal with him. Then two days later, he was in the hospital. Haven't I done this already? WTF?! So he was *really* sick. It was all avoidable and preventable which made me angrier and I felt like I just couldn't deal with it. It seemed worse than a broken leg and I called his mother to tell her how sick he was and could you believe that she wouldn't come out?! Or send someone?! So guess who had to deal with it all? Yea...me. The ex-girlfriend trying to get her loafer ex-boyfriend the hell out of her place. I have never wanted to tell off a 70-year old off before that day...I still do...but that's fading. I will still send her an email on my feelings but I promise not to curse at her. I was raised better...respect your elders and all that stuff.

And during the hospital stay, the lies and betrayal came to the surface. So not only am I sad and uber-angry, I find I was used, taken advantage of, lied to and discovered things were used or taken without permission. It is all so unforgiveable.

A ruined vacation, a broken heart and a red mood that will not quit.

I put up with a bad situation all because of hope and now I realize I should have let go a good year ago and given myself the restart then. Then, I was scared of being single but I'll embrace that now. Being single is a lot easier than dealing with the bs I've put up with in the duration of this relationship. It gets lonely sometimes being single but that's easier to deal with than regret and always ranking last.

Because of all this, he leaves two weeks later than planned and not only did it F up my vacation, it messed with plans I had with other people.

It did put a couple of things into perspective. I am always happiest when doing the things I love and I should never be with someone who won't take the time to do things I like even if they don't totally like it. It changes me and I become a shell of who I really am. Also, as much as I complain about my old folks and they drive me nuts, I know they love me and I love them. And I know that if anything terrible happened in which I would have to be hospitalized, my 80 year old crippled, seemingly always sick mother would find her way to me and never, ever leave my side. She would pray over me with her rosary and her million Santa Marias willing me to get better. And if she couldn't, she would send someone and she'd make sure that person got there and they gave constant reports on my progress. And I know that with every fiber of my being. His family left him to rot in a hospital 3,000 miles away. And being the good Catholic girl I was raised to be, I made daily visits despite the hurt and sadness and betrayal...because my mom taught me compassion and good manners. That's not to say I didn't spend my visits bereting him and hating his family with every fiber of my being. Because...they lied to me too and put me in a very bad position. And for all that, they can take a flying leap. I regret every minute I spent stitching gifts for them and that may make me seem like an indian giver but they are truly undeserving...of my time, effort and kindness. You don't leave family cast aside when they need you the most...you just don't!

Now it's time to focus on me. Get back to stitching, catch up with old friends, meet new people, discover a new fitness regime, go to all the summer things I love, learn how to smile again and laugh and find myself again. I can only hope that the last half of 2010 is better than the last year and a half.

If you've stuck with me through all this, I thank you more than you even know. I really appreciate the time taken to comment on my last post and even more the folks who sent me personal emails. You know who you are. It means so much to receive an email that just says "how are you doing...I'm thinking about you". It made me feel less alone and made things a little more bearable.

I promise the next post will be more upbeat! I've done no stitching (ok, a teeny tiny bit) but lots of reading. I'll come back and tell you about that soon.

Until next time...

37 comments:

Pike said...

Chin up, everything will change :) Good luck with your new life!!!

Carol R said...

Thinking about you!
[[[Hugs]]]

KarenV said...

{{Valerie}} You deserve so much better. I hope you have a wonderful summer and I hope that great things are just around the corner for you. I have been thinking of you and am glad to see your update. You will move on and be stronger and happier in time. Take care!

Hazel said...

Oh Valerie. I am so sorry that it took so long to finish this. But at last it is over and like you say you can start anew now and do all the things you love. Just think the amount of money you will save not having to provide for that layabout and all that new stash you can get with it!!! His loss babe! xx

Nic said...

I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough for you right now, and I hope they pick up soon.

stitcheranon said...

wow, how exciting. A new start. Life gives us lessons and this is just one of them. At least you had the strength of character to stay right, enough is enough: stop!
Many women don't. Good for you.
We need those downs to really appreciate those ups, and things will get better. Spend some time alone and learn to be you again. you are not really alone: we are all here for you. A brand new beginning, and the knowledge that things can and will get better.
((((hugs)))).

Terri(TerriBoog) said...

What a tough and sad thing to have to go through. I am confident that you will come out the other side a happier and stronger person. Be well.

Carol said...

I'd been thinking about you, Valerie--had no idea all this was going on over the past two weeks. UGH!!! The ties are finally cut, a new chapter (a better chapter) of your life can begin. Wishing you every happiness as you move on to a brighter, more peaceful way of life...Hugs to you!

Jackie said...

You did in a year and a half what took me 14 years to do. Our situations are different but unhappiness is unhappiness. After leaving that situation, I entered the happiest phase of my life. Good things are to come!

Catherine said...

May you have a wonderful journey on this start of the rest of your life!!

Margaret said...

Valerie, it sounds like you're on the right road now. I'm so sorry all this happened to you. Time to move on. I'll be thinking of you and cheering you and your new singleness on. Being single can be good!

Daffycat said...

If it isn't one thing...it's another! *hugs* I am glad it is finally over and he is gone.

You are free! Now you have a new start! Wishing you the best of luck in your new and improved life!

Blu said...

((((Hugs))))
Good riddance and all that. Good luck with the new stage in life.

Katrina said...

Valerie, I am so, so sorry. It all just sucks and it will take time to come to terms with it.

I have to wonder at his family's indifference. Maybe he's disappointed them in the past? I am with you my parents would be there, no questions.

Hope you have a great summer planned and looking forward to meeting you in the fall :-).

Jennifer said...

I know exactly where you are coming from. Been there, done that, threw out those ratty old t-shirts a long time ago. You will get through this and you will be a stronger woman for it. Just take it one day at a time (or if you need to, one hour, minute or second at a time). Remember, G*d doesn't give you more than you can handle! Keep your chin up and know we are all on your side.

Barbi said...

It's all done now Val! And you'll come thru better for it. Getting over a nasty relationship is very empowering for women! You get a chance at a fresh start, grab it by the balls and swing!!

staci said...

{{HUGS}} So glad that things are finally over and now you can move on. You are a very strong person and I know that you'll come out of this even stronger :) Love will find you when you least expect it.

Deb said...

I'm sorry to hear that all that had to happen. I think I would have been madder than all get out. But get the anger out and move on. It's his loss, not yours. It's unfortunate that all of it happened, but I guess it's just another lesson in life.

Good things are waiting for you!! Sending a lot of hugs.

Cole said...

So sorry it's been so hard... now you're like a bird spreading her wings and venturing out for the first time ~ fly!! Wishing you an amazing second half of 2010 with wonderful things to come :)

Andrea said...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It really speaks well for your character that you would not abandon him in the hospital. I admire that, as most people would feel very justified in leaving him there after discovering the betrayal.
Thinking about you and wishing you much more happiness in the future, whether it's with someone or on your own!

Branlaadee said...

Valerie, I am so sorry about your heartache. Take your time and heal and move on. Hopefully we'll see you at the SBTB gtg's soon. Maybe, now, you, Lisa and I can make a coffee date. :)

Melanie said...

Ugh. What a rotten bunch. You'll be much better off without him (AND his family) I'm sure. So sorry things are tough right now. :(

Lisa said...

Valerie,
I was so happy today to see a new post. I have been thinking about you - knowing that you said you would not be answering emails or posting - so my thoughts and prayers were being sent your way! I am so sorry to hear about your hurt, anger, disappointment...and that your plans for a vacation for yourself got messed up! You are a person with a huge heart and deserve so much better! New starts & changes are scary, but exciting. You know that you have friends and supporters...I being one of them. Let's try to get together at NiaH sometime soon!
Take care my friend!

Theresa said...

It's time for a new start.
We are all here for you!!!

(((hugs)))

Mylene said...

I am so sorry to hear all that happened. Sending good thoughts your way. Take care. ((hugs))

Tammy said...

Well that blows! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this. ((HUGS)) to you girl. Now, stitch something wonderful for yourself. But I know it's hard to focus while going through a rough time. I certainly do!

Elaine said...

I am so sorry for everything that you have gone through but I am sure you will come out of this a much happier and stronger person.
Just take it a day at time.
Take care. Hugs!

Ann Marie said...

I'm sorry. I hope the red mood starts to dissipate & that you're feeling better soon.

caerbannog said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that mess. I hope that things will turn around now that this is over and happier times will be ahead

mbroider said...

OMG, you have been through a lot dear... You are very strong!!

Take care, wishing you the best.

Julie said...

Time to step forward into new and exciting things and leave all the hurt and bitterness behind. Every cloud has a silver lining so they say

Missy Ann said...

I am sorry it ended like this. (((Valerie)))

Remember you're not judged on how those around you act, you're judged by your own actions. And I think you proved yourself to be a kind, caring, and all around wonderful person that anyone would be better off for calling you a friend.

Susimac said...

The anger will pass with time - don't do anything rash like emailing his mum its only a momentary feeling better for you and then you could regret it, remember you are a much much better person than they are - so hold up your head, stick out your chin and wave bye bye to that part of your history - Remember thats what it is history. I understand how you are feeling, having only been there myself this past year and I'm delighted to have started to find 'me' again as you will too.

Sending hugs your way from the UK

Stephanie M. said...

My motto after letting go of a relationship (17 year marriage and 7 year BF relationship) you can be miserable in the relationship or by yourself. And once you break away other doors open.....Stephanie

Pumpkin said...

Oh Valerie! It sure sounds like you are much better off without him although you were kinder than I would have been ;o)

Get back on the horse, put yourself first and enjoy life!

Sending you lots of cyber ((((HUGS))))

Sally said...

Hugs to you Valerie.

Meari said...

My goodness... I know I am late on this, but ((hugs)). This is just too much! I can understand why you're hurt and angry. Wow. Hang in there. I know it's not easy, but you'll be just fine. :)