Tuesday, May 24, 2005

What Do You Think??

So I have been thinking about this lately...as I have been dating like mad and I notice that it keeps happening. My name is Valerie and everyone shortens my name to Val. It doesn't bother me that my friends call me that. I've known most and many for years, I am used to it and I respond. I know it rolls off the tongue. But it bothers me when GUYS I am DATING shorten my name to Val after maybe one or two dates WITHOUT asking if it is ok. Am I making a big deal out of this? In reality, when dating a guy, I would prefer the guy call me by my given name. To me it seperates the relationship from a *just friends* relationship to a *dating* relationship. Yet, guy after guy, calls me Val and I don't really like it. When I encounter a Michael, Richard, Robert, Anthony, David, or Nicholas, I always ask "do you go by Michael or Mike; Richard or Rick; Anthony or Tony; David or Dave; or Nicholas or Nick. I admit that I sometimes prefer the shorter version of a male name but I ASK what they prefer...I don't presume. And I call them what they want me to call them.

I think about "The Ex" and he called me Valerie and I appreciated it. I think at one point I told him he could call me Val and he said he liked calling me Valerie and would stick with that. I think in his mind, he felt that calling me Val would be a step too far into the "friends" realm and calling me by my given name was a "respectful, this is a serious relationship" sign. I could of course be coming up with this stuff out of the sky. But it makes sense to me so I'll stick with it. Although he also preferred being called by the long version of his name.

So how do I get these guys to call me Valerie. I sign my name to *dating* emails as Valerie...I introduce myself as Valerie and I have never, ever said to ANY of these guys, "Hi, I'm Valerie but you can call me Val". So where do they get off with the shortening to casual pal Val? I don't understand....what do you all think?


Kelster said...

I would simply correct them the first time they did it. "Please call me Valerie". If they ask why, you tell them because it is your name.

It is a tad presumptuous to shorten your name. It is like they assume a familiarity that may not be welcomed. I dont think you are being rude or curt by correcting them. If they have a problem with being asked polietly to address you by your given name, then you would have just been wasting your time on someone who doesnt respect your wishes.

Anonymous said...

I agree Val. It is definitely disrespectful. If it was me Val, I would make sure to correct them maybe once and hope they take the Ms. Manner's hint. Val, some people just don't get it.

-David (Dave)

Debra said...

I HATE when people take it upon themselves to change my name from *Debra* to *Debbie*. I don't mind the shortening part since I prefer *Deb* to *Debra*...but why do people insist on changing my name altogether?!

GRRRR! I feel your pain!