Friday, October 21, 2005

Some people...

Some people deserve what they get...others do not. Some people give while others only take. Some people love while others only hate and some people pick themselves up constantly despite being knocked down time and again. I feel like one of the latter. Someone who just wants to be happy despite the bullshit.

It's hard to be bright and happy when you've felt as though your family has been under attack for years and all you want is justice and the right to retain what is rightfully yours.

Many don't know the details or the plight. It's depressing and stressful to talk about and when I do, I get agitated and mad at a man who uses connections for the wrong reasons and a country that is so behind the times. But I will now...the saga isn't completely over. More is to come...and how long this will take is beyond me but I can only hope that what happened today will open the eyes of many who protected the man who took so much away from all of us. From me, my brother, my sister, my mother but most importantly, from my father.

Four years ago, we began the battle to get a house back in Nicaragua. It is a house that has been in our family for five generations. My father grew up in this house and when he was younger, he dreamed of retiring back in Nicaragua. To find some repose after years of difficult blue collar work to support three kids. But after so many years in the states...he got used to the fog and I think a small part of it had to do that he couldn't bear to be far away from me. I'm the youngest...the only one he was allowed to hold right after being born and the bond between father and daughter became forever strong. Sure he drives me crazy and we don't see eye to eye but that's to be expected when there is a 47 year age gap.

About 6 years ago, my father decided to rent the house in Nicaragua. My great-aunt passed away and it was just sitting empty. Renting that house was the biggest mistake of our lives. Never did we think that man who rented the house was corrupt, a liar, an opportunist and a thief. Four years ago, he decided he didn't need to pay rent anymore and that he made enough home improvements to the house that wasn't even his...and improvements which he didn't actually do. And in his sick and twisted mind, he decided that the house was his and that he didn't need to pay rent anymore.

The court system in Nicaragua is still very corrupt. Many of the judges are old timers who were there under Sandinista rule and if someone is willing to grease their hand a little, they'll swing whatever way the money will despite who is right and who is wrong. We aren't that way. We believe in justice instead of out and out greed. The renter was lucky enough to have ties and connections and apparently money since he wasn't paying us rent to be greasing the hands of many a judge and many an attorney. Four years of headaches...four years of lies and four years of fighting to get back a house that was ours...IS ours. My great-grandfather is probably rolling over in his grave at the horror that we were so close to losing this house...HIS house to this monstrous man and his equally monstrous and selfish family. God forbid they WORK to retain property like my ancestors did...all in the hope of providing for their family and their family and so on. THAT house is a legacy! And for four years my father battled appeal after appeal for whatever stupid little discrepancy the renter's attorney could find. In the back of his mind, my father worried about losing out on the legacy...what he had counted on to leave for his family. And today...there was a sweet reward. For two weeks we anticipated the eviction would be today. And we waited with bated breath what the outcome would be. If we would be thrown a wrench at the last minute. We weren' father was given the key the night before and went to the house this morning with the judge and the police to take possession of our home.

And I think that FINALLY the judge realized what sort of a BASTARD we had been dealing with for the better part of a decade. What sort of man everyone protected. The fact that we had to plead with the President to ask for help and assignment of someone who could help us in this case. My mother pleaded with the President because my father was too proud to ask for help from a distant relative that he barely knew. Yes...the prez is a relative. My mother wasn't so much...we needed help. We needed a "clean" attorney. We were refused by so many attorneys because the renter was friends with everyone it seemed like, from his Sandinista days.

As with many things...there is a good side and a bad side. The good is that we now have possession of the house. The bad is that he took everything. All the antique furniture my aunt stupidly left in the house because she was to lazy to find storage. All of it...gone. All the wires from the electrical sockets...ripped out. Sink basins and toilets...stolen. Garden....dug up. Water bill and electric bill...left unpaid. He raped my entire family by doing this. He took everything, he sucked us dry. The money to fix the electrical, the garden, change the locks, pay the bills in default, buy an iron gate and hire a securty guard. It is endless. I hope my parents realize that this is done. To fix the house, sell it and just settle here. The only thing that Nicaragua holds for me...for family. There is so much pain. This is the second attempt to get back property. We sold the first...this is the second. If you don't live's not worth it. As beautiful as the country is, the people are opportunists. Who needs to live somewhere where people rob each other in such a blantant disregard of possessions and property.

The destruction was intentional and I hope to God...there being one...that his hand strikes down hard, heavy and precise. Justice still needs to be served in my eyes. Again, we must go through court proceedings to claim stolen property. My mother is besides herself at the loss of all that furniture. I hope this situation opened the judge's eyes. We are not dealing with a "respected member of society". He is a criminal and needs to be dealt with accordingly. May he rot in jail and may his family suffer as much as ours.

My father is thousands of miles away and I feel the intense need to be with him. I don't think he should be alone. He is 77 years old. He doesn't need this kind of stress. He should be relaxing and enjoying retirement instead of working to get a house back to it's former colonial beauty and protecting it from blatant criminals. To putter around the garden, to walk around the house with his TV Guide "bible", to bicker with my crazy mom and to tell me I am right and mom is crazy. I miss my dad. He's been gone since February and even though I was lucky enough to see him for a week in July...that isn't enough. With this second proceeding, who knows when he will come back . His man has robbed months and years of quality time between me and my dad in his golden years. He is not a young man...nor is he a healthy man but my dad is a workhorse.

And from thousands of miles away, I think about how much my dad has dealt with...oftentimes, alone. All for the sake of family...and I think about the man who almost took it all away...who still managed to escape with much...and I feel such deep and intense hatred that it makes me mad and sad. Mad that someone is so fucking blind at the justices of the world and the simple concept of right vs. wrong and sad that I can feel such hatred for someone else and of the time taken away from my father.

I can only hope that justice be served in one form or another...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

A Failed Attempt...

Well, I should be relaxing and knitting but I have a stack of mail beside me to go through and all I can think about if how I was so eager to start cooking by myself. To save a few dollars on take-out and be a normal adult. I mean, I have been subsisting on salads, canned soup and sandwiches for the better part of three years.It's time I learn the right side of a knife and learn the difference between chopped and julienne. So I come here to share my failed attempt. A friend (hi AM) gave me this recipe for curry...I'm a huge fan of curry...thai, doesn't really matter. But I rarely eat it out and thought it would be good if me, Ms. White Girl, could make some yummy curry. Well, it smelled yummy. It looked yummy certainly did not taste yummy. Something happened. WHAT HAPPENED!! *sigh* Apparently I was not given "the gift". I obviously oversalted it almost to the point of inedible. I feel a little defeated.

To make myself feel better, I made a pie. No...I wasn't gonna eat the whole pie myself! I already have issues fitting into my pants. But the pumpkin festival is this coming weekend, I love pumpin anything (bread, pie, ice cream,pancakes). Yummmmmmmm! I made the pie to take to was a hit. I knew it would be. Pumpkin pie is easy...and I make a good one. So I kind of redeemed myself.

As far as the curry..."if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". So...I guess I'll try again.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I'm in Love!

Yep...I'm in love with this really hot guy who's fit, funny, hot, smart, looks good in tight tee-shirts, friendly, honest and hot. I even find his Texas accent attractive. What is up with THAT?

Here's his picture...isn't he dreamy?! His name is George and he's a Crime Scene Investigator. He works graveyard so I don't get to see him much...

Oh was I saying that out loud?! Oopsie...seriously though...isn't he friggin hot! I wish I was a super smart nerdy scientist so that I could clone him and have my very own George Eads.

I am now a CSI addict because of him. Well that and the fact it's a very good show despite the grody parts. I know when, what time and what channel the show is on. Thank goodness for Netflix too. I am on disc three of season one...I got lots of George to watch. Yum!

If there is one thing...

Well, you know about the Plague of Crap overtaking my that isn't enough to keep my mind occupied. But there is also something else. Guilt trips. If there is one thing I can't's a guilt trip. I was raised Catholic. I know how to dish out a really good guilt trip. I try not to because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. I've received endless ones and as a child, I had no choice but to sit there and obsess about what I did wrong, what I could have done better, etc. As an adult, I refuse to put up with it. I have reasons for not emailing, not calling, not visiting, not whatever the case may be.

I am busy! And just because I am single does not mean I do NOT have a life. I resent being made to feel that way. Being single does not mean that work is my ENTIRE life. I am not sitting at home every evening waiting for the phone to ring or replying to endless emails. I am a busy single person. It's good and it's bad. It's good because I am not a hermit and at home all the time. It's bad because I don't have time to call, email or visit everyone who expects me to.

I work a full time job. I have to wake up at 6am to leave by 7am for my hour commute. Mornings suck...I hate mornings and leaving the house by 7am is one, impossible and two, painful. I work my hours and drive home, in traffic and get home around 6pm. Not bad unless I have to run errands...Target, the supermarket, produce market, gas station, passing by my parents house, doing laundry. If I don't have to run an errand, I come home, make something to eat, go through my mail, watch a little CSI, make a lunch for work the next day, go online and try to get through emails (I can barely email from work) and by the time I finish, it's usually past 10pm and I have to go to sleep to start the cycle over again. I obviously (!) barely have time to even blog, let alone do the things I truly enjoy like stitching, knitting, going to see movies, relaxing over coffee at the shop. I am always on the run.

Some days, I have a date, dinner plans with friends or an exercise class after work. Sometimes, I have to work on banking...mine AND my parents...that's double the bills to deal with AND double the math. I stop by my parent's house to collect mail, water the plants, check the house, call my dad and talk to the neighbors. My mom is back in town, that means more visits to the house, more errands because she doesn't get around very well and more headaches.

I am the product of older parents and with that comes more responsibilities...especially when my siblings don't pull their fair share. I live alone and there is only me. Only I am responsible for my well being.

I hope this explains my absense via blogging, phone, email or otherwise. I truly am a busy person. I always have been.

Welcome to my life...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

The Plague of Crap...

The Plague of Crap is taking over my life. It started taking over about a week before my 30th birthday when I realized that for 30, I haven't accomplished much. I don't own anything other than my piece of junk car, I do not have a significant other, I live in a fairly crappy building and frankly, I feel down in the dumps about all of this and more. The only thing I have going for me at the moment is a very cool job that I enjoy.

So let's break it down...

My junk sucking me dry. It's a good car, it runs well, it hasn't really given me very many problems but it's getting old and needs those "old car repairs". Boots that are cracked, tires that are worn and God knows what else. I'm just not in a position to be dealing with this shit because I'm...well...I'm broke. Yea, what else is knew. But you know I am feeling the penny pinch when I am actually cooking and making things at home because I am trying to save a few bucks repair. Yea, exciting. I'd feel better if I was doing it for something fun shoes!

No significant other...this is driving me nuts. I've been single for a long time. I know how to do it, I'm fine with it but I am also bored with it. I want someone to go to live music with, festivals and fairs, to share the paper over coffee at the local shop, to cuddle with at the movies, to get dressed up, be arm candy and take the city by storm. But here I am, on a Saturday night, blogging my sob story to the world. I have been dating constantly since January and have met more duds than ever! Why can't I meet someone decent. I am cute, independant, funny, honest, loyal and an all around great person (if I do say so myself!). I am one of the last single ones in my circle of friends and it sucks the big one. I'm always a third wheel and it sucks even further that they don't have a pool of me to set me up with. I'm left to completely fend for myself. And after nine months of dating, I am still at the same place I left off. Single, alone and with no one. At 30, I'd always imagined that I'd have been married and maybe working on kid #1. Right now, I don't think I am ready for kids but I am definitely ready to settle down. Obviously that is not in the cards for me now...who knows if it ever will be. I know that I am made of strong stuff...I'm strong, stubborn, opinionated, capable, beautiful and independant. If I had to be alone, I could be but the thing is...I don't want to be. I really don't. I am tired of the dating though...but I can't seem to stop. It's like an addiction. I need to go to a "Daters Anonymous" meeting. I try and then I decide to go on another date with another dud because "well, you never know...". They are ALL duds and with each dud I go out with...I become more bitter and cynical. I really need to stop and reconnect with myself.

Crappy building...I want to move. I've wanted to move since four months into my one year lease three years ago. But again, the money issue comes into play. I am hoping that at the beginning of the new year, I can move out of the fog to a sunnier area...and cut some minutes off my morning and evening commute at the same time.

And the other stuff...I am always so busy and so tired, running from one place to the next trying to do things for myself and my parents. I spend a lot more time in my car and less time walking and I feel like I'm carrying extra pounds that will NOT come off.

I feel down, I don't feel like talking to people much, I am too busy to have the alone time I need and frankly, I am officially down in the dumps. Thank god I get to see hot firemen at work. Everything is not completely lost.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday Dear Me...
Happy Birthday to me!!

Yea, I turned 30 today...and along with it came the Plague of Crap!