Sunday, August 21, 2005

Emotional Uncertainty

"You don't handle emotional uncertainty very well, although you don't mind your own ambivalence. You just don't like it when it comes from someone else. You might be feeling somewhat miffed because you aren't sure what is going on out there. Don't worry about what to do; concentrate instead on how you feel. Keep in touch with your emotions, no matter what comes into awareness."

Welcome to my horoscope for today. And all I can say is that for once in my life, I can say that it is dead on...sadly. I forgot the uncertainly that comes from new relationships. The trying to figure out what the other is feeling, thinking, etc. The "do they like me as much as I like them", "are they truly attracted to me" and the "do we truly make a good couple". After being single for a good long time, I've forgotten about this part...and I'm not really liking it.

The past two weekends with K have not gone according to plan and I am feeling a little lost, a little uncertain and clearly...a lot miffed! I've been reassured that he is still interested in me and in seeing me, yet...I'm not feeling it. I'm not getting the attention I want and need and that's sad considering he already lives 80 miles away from me to begin with. We can't even see each other every day...we are committed to seeing each other during the weekends only. You'd think they'd be fantastic and planned and that we'd have options of things to do. At least I would...why can't he? Do I really have to be the planner? Even in a city I don't live in? I won't go into details here. I'll just say that I am taking a step back and taking in the scene. Things had better improve...or else the firemen working in my department are looking better and better by the minute!

Monday, August 08, 2005

It's Official!

So I had a phenomenal weekend with K! He surprised me with a dozen long stemmed roses, we had a nice dinner on Friday night, we baked in the sun for a while at the ball game, drove to the town he lives in and just veged, slept and took a nice long scenic ride back to San Francisco. It wasn't jam packed with things to do but it was comfortable and nice. We had a conversation once he took me back home about profiles being up and exclusivity, etc. And the decision was made. He was going to take down his profile. Mine was already down because my subscription ran out and I didn't want to deal with any more guys contacting, especially if I couldn't contact them anyways. K asked what I wanted out of the relationship right now and I told him that I wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Ha! Doesn't that sound so high school?! So K is my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. Finally, after years of being a chronic dater and commitment-phobe, I've come across someone I want to be with. Someone who doesn't trigger the "get out and run" default mechanism programmed in my head. You know, the one that has me running around like a chicken with her head cut off screaming about how some guy keeps calling and wants to spend so much time with her, etc. Yea, I have heard the "Valerie, you are making too much of a deal out of nothing. He's interested in you...relax." Yea, I've heard that a lot. And despite me being a commitment-phobe and K being commitment-minded, I find that the "get out and run" reflex isn't being triggered...and that's a good feeling. It seems like I am finally growing up! Who woulda thunk it!

Friday, August 05, 2005

The News

So.....I haven't told you guys about my news. I got a new job!! Yay!!! *twirling around like a dork*

Let me just say that I have been looking for a new job, off and on...for almost two years. Yep...that long. I've read hundreds of want ads, sent out loads of cover letters and resumes, had interviews and even tests and nothing. Zip, zero, nada. Until the end of July. I interviewed for a position that I had interviewed for last October and DID NOT get. I was crushed. It was what seemed like a dream job and I interviewed very well for it. Not to mention I was #2 on the eligibility list. Yea, I know...I ROCK! Obviously, the guy who interviewed me is blind. Well, fast forward to last month and they asked me to come in for another interview. I do a little research and find out that the people who interviewed me last year are no longer there. Interesting...

I go into the interview a little apprehensive because I am worried about being rejected again and despite feeling like I didn't do my best in the interview...I GOT THE JOB! Yay!!! I am so excited and even better is that it's a support job for the Fire Department. Yep...that's right. Hot guys in uniform. *sigh* I can't wait.

Even better is that things with me and my guy (aka Guy #2) are going but good. We'll see where things lead...

Someone pinch me...I actually have a little string of good luck going here! Actually...don't pinch me...let me ride it out a bit.

"The Men" Update

Ok, gotta update you on the men. This will be a brief recap from the last two weeks. Wow, I am really THAT behind.

Guy #1...Mr. Brazilian I wanna sleep with you guy who obviously must think I truly am a "repressed american" since I never heard from him after our second date. Yea, the one where he asked me if we were going to my place or his. I am NOT in this dating game for a booty call...well, that's a perk but I am in it for the long haul. To find a guy I feel is worth opening myself up to and to experience the ups and downs of a long term relationship with. Obviously, this guy was NOT it. And Valerie moves on...

Guy #2...Mr. Lives Far but is Cool guy. We have talked practically everyday since the week after I got back from my vacation. We've had three dates with date #4 and date #5 coming up this weekend. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day and wanting to talk to him. I haven't liked someone this way in so long that I am finding it very strange...but cool. I think he may just be feeling the same way. Things are still very new and I am not sure where they are headed but I am looking forward to the possibilities. Guy #2 is a keeper in my book.

Guy #3...Mr. Needs to Get Over Himself. If there is one thing I cannot stand is last minute planners and those that insist it be on their terms. I had a date set up with this guy two weeks ago to the day. We were supposed to meet up for drinks and see where things went. At 7pm, that Friday night, he calls me to arrange the actual meet up. Um, yea...this does not fly in my book. I already had one foot out the door to go shopping! He calls me and I ask him what is going on and he says that he would still like to 930pm! Yea, I don't think so. I ask to reschedule and he says it's either that night or we cancel outright because he was going to leave for Mexico City in a week for a month. What?! Well, what was the point of meeting if he was going to leave for a month. I told him if he still wanted to meet me after he came back to call me and we'd see if we set something up. He says fine and that he would send me pictures during his trip so I "wouldn't forget about him". Yea, whatever...I haven't heard from him and I'll die before being a "beck and call" girl. I've tossed that one in the crapper.

Guy #4...Mr. On my Time. A little reminiscent of Guy #3. Calls at the last minute like I have nothing better to do than wait for him to call me on the weekend to go out for the same day. Doesn't he know that there are rules? You do not call a girl Saturday afternoon to go out that same afternoon or evening unless you two are very good friends or already in the midst of dating. In the beginning and especially for a first date, that is a huge no-no! We had been playihng email and phone tag for the longest time and I finally heard back from him last night. Considering things with Guy #2 are heading in a direction that I like, I don't want to meet Guy #4. So I've bid him adieu. Bye Guy #4.

So all I have is Guy #2 who I hope sticks around for a while. Wish me luck!!