Reflections

A couple of days ago, I stumbled on this post on Laurie's (Aunt Purl) blog about reflecting and her new year's resolutions. Since that day, it's like my brain has been in overdrive and can't calm down. I've been reflecting on this past year, the things I need to do, the things I'd like to do, what I hope 2010 will be like. It's hard because obviously, I'm no psychic and all I can account for is the past and not the future. I can plan for things but that doesn't mean they will happen. I can only hope for the best. And sweet God, do I hope for the best this year. If 2010 is anything like this year, I'll be checking myself into a mental ward by the end of it.

Laurie said that she is going to try to "come from a place of yes". This spoke to me because the things she said rang true for me. I'm naturally a snarky, sarcastic person which a lot of people may consider negative or complaining. Since this year was particularly terrible with *the boy's* attack, the disappearance of his friends, becoming a caretaker 4 months into a new relationship for an injury that took 10.5 months to heal, being nervous about my job security for the entire year and looking after elderly parents without the help or support of my siblings, I have become quite angry and resentful. I am happiest when I am at home and stitching...basically leading a hermit-like lifestyle of pjs, stitching, tv and takeout. The snarky and sarcastic is me...it will not go away but the anger and resentment has to go away and I can't live my life cooped up in my apartment no matter how much I would love to. There's work and parents to deal with and friends to see and lots of fun things outside of my four walls and I need to find a way to enjoy things again despite people cutting you off when you're driving, or cutting in front of you in the coffee line or just the general level of stupidity that you encounter on a daily basis. It's all a part of life. These little things get to me...and they shouldn't. And so I will try to find ways to be a little more positive and a little more happy and a little more smiley and reclaim a little of the happiness I lost this past year. It will still involve a ton of stitching and tv...and reaching out to both real-life and stitchy friends...and getting back into yoga. It will involve taking deep cleansing breathes and muttering "Serenity now!!" under my breath when I'm about to have a fit. And if you're any sort of Seinfeld fan, you'll understand this. And I say it because it's so ridiculous, it makes me laugh and the upset feelings go away. All I want is a little serenity.

So I think my personal goals this year will be pretty simple. Come from the place of yes...be happy....enjoy life...embrace old friends and new alike. But I will still be saying no! lol I haven't completely lost it. But I will try very hard to not sweat the small stuff.

I really think that everything else will be icing on the cake.

I do have to mention that I wouldn't have made it through this year without my supportive and wonderful friends and readers. At the beginning of this year...maybe I had 30 subscribers. And back then...I wondered who was reading my rambling posts. At the end of this year, I have almost 100! Wow! That amazes me! Thank you so much for all the support, kind comments and friendship you have given to me over the year. I can't find the words to express my gratitude but please know that it truly warms my heart.

I wish you and yours a happy and joyous 2010!