Sick and Dying...

*tickle, tickle*, *cough, cough*

Uh-oh...a sore throat brings much foreboding. But I didn't think about it much on Tuesday. It was an annoyance really. I hate sore throats with a passion. I don't like feeling that irritation...the itch which inevitably brings about coughing. Maybe if I ignored it...it would go away.

Oh...if only I were so lucky. Wednesday came and went and I felt about the same. A friend convinced me to go to dinner and I went with the theory that I needed to eat anyways. The sore throat, hot weather (90+ degrees) and the food...made me extra sleepy and tired. I was not feeling well at all! Thursday came...along with a cough and sneezing. For something that I thought I could ignore and would go away...this ailment was definitely making it's presence known...and not in a way that I appreciated. I was so exhausted and lethargic. My brain kept going around in circles about all the stuff I should do or needed to do but the fact of that matter was that my body was failing me. I was sick...I just wasn't quite ready to accept the reality.

That is until Friday...I woke up with a raw throat and a *bubble head*. I was so congested...talking and breathing was difficult. I could not go into work like that! Despite having a growing pile of projects to complete and things to double check due to constant miscommunications with other departments. I could not go in...no way...no how. I called my coworker to explain and left a message for one of the bosses and stayed home all day. Ok...almost all day. I had to get groceries so I could feed the cold. That was difficult in itself considering I was having breathing issues due to the congestion. Most of the day, I stayed in bed and daydreamed about all the things I wanted to do...go check out a movie...go to Ti Couz and pick at my favorite seafood salad and ice tea and relax...go get my nails done...all that sounded fabulous! Until I snapped back to reality and remembered that I was in fact sick and this was not a hooky day. Gawd, how I wished it was a hooky day so I can catch up on my personal *wants* and relish the beautiful weather. Instead, I was coughing, sneezing, hacking, doped up on meds and lucky if I could even make it down the 50 steps to the street and to the car without passing out. Friday was not a good day...at all.

Saturday came around and I thought it was better. I felt better...less sore throat but still with the cough and congestion. I decided to keep my appointment for a facial and do a little shopping. I was fine for a while and then got tired and decided I best get home. Once I got home, things took a turn for the worse. My eye started bugging me and bottom line was I gave myself a damn eye infection. So I basically traded in that sore throat for a red, oozing, swollen eye. Great...really attractive! Didn't help that I had a date planned for the next day that I had to cancel entirely. Basically...things sucked up the wazoo! I do not make a good sick person. I get angry and whiny and impatient and agitated. I was so unhappy that I was missing out on a fantastic, beautiful weekend and had no control over my body whatsoever. It's awful when your body betrays you!

And by Sunday...I was downright miserable. I managed to get a doctors appointment to get the meds I needed to get rid of all my ailments. Medical technology is a wonderful thing...drugs are even better. I am hoping that by Friday...my cough, eye grossness, congestion and throat issues are long gone. I need to enjoy the next weekend...nice weather, fireworks, Fourth of July. My F-ed up body better get back on track by then or I will be highly upset with myself. I need to have fun and enjoy the city.

Ugh, I HATE being sick!!!

OMG...Is it F*ckin' June Already!?!?

What the heck happened?! FUCK!

Yea, yea...I've heard it from a lot of you. I haven't blogged in AGES! But seriously...how did it become June? *sigh*

So where did I leave off in the story of my life? Oh yea...Chicago!

So Chicago was a great trip but it was way too short and a little disappointing. I know a lot of people love Chicago but I was left with a feeling that I would only really go back to Chicago if it was convenient and only because there were quite a few things that I didn't get to see or experience that I really wish I had. I wish we had time to go to a jazz or blues club and relax and take advantage of the nightlife and the 4am alcohol curfew. In Chicago, bars are open until 4am! Can you believe it? It sounds fantastic to me. There were some Deco architecture tours I'd have loved to check out but the tours were not available on the days that we were there. Not to mention the boat tour.

When we first booked out trip, we were under the assumption that Chicago in May was fantastic! Spring weather, sunshine, light breeze...great walking around the city and be a tourist weather. Instead...we encountered with frigid, cold, borderline threatening to rain weather. We walked around in heavy jackets, scarves and gloves and would periodically stop, look at each other and say "it's fucking cold!". Actually...we probably said that like every block because it WAS fucking cold. The weather definitely put a crimp in our mood and in some of our plans.

But we did some fun stuff like see the view of Chicago from the Hancock Conservatory, walked the Magnificent Mile many, many times, shopped, went to millennium Park, checked out the Art Institute and tried a bunch of trendy (but not necessarily fantastic) restaurants.

What was fantastic? The sidecars at the Westin Bar...mmmmmmm....sidecars! After a couple of those, I can transport myself back to the 40's where I'm in a cute dress and flirting with a fab guy in a zoot suit. What...oh...sorry...daydreaming. And the margaritas were really good at Frontera Grill.

But you know...I would not advise anyone to repeat the same trip we made...too little time and with the flying out to Chicago at the break of dawn on a Saturday and coming back late Monday...we were beat! We tried to be party people and gear up to go out and have fun but as 11pm came around, the nodding off started as well as the uncontrollable yawning and the heavy eyelids. Gawd, we suck! See what old age starts doing to ya! =)

So that is the recap on Chicago...and yet so much has happened since. I swear, I will get caught up!! Stay tuned...

Rain?!? In Chicago?!?

WHAT!!?!?!?!

After surviving through four straight months of rain...the last thing I want to deal with it water drops falling from the sky! But it looks like I have no choice. The weather forecast for my weekend in Chicago is rain, rain and more rain! *sigh* Can't a girl get a break...even on vacation?! Oh well...it's still a new city to be explored. It may be a tamer weekend than I expected but I'm in good company and it will be fun!

Take care all!

Chicago, Here I Come!!

So I am off to the *Windy City*! Land of amazing food, deep dish pizza, the Cubs, etc. Should be an interesting experience. I've never been to Chicago before and am totally clueless about what the sites are, what I will be doing and what I want to do! Good plan, huh?! But you know what? I'm not even stressed about that. It's such a short trip and I'm all about exploring places without any real purpose and stumbling upon something cool. I've gotten a lot of recommendations about where to eat and things to bring back and cool touristy places to visit so I am all set! It's exciting!! I've never been to the Midwest before but the people there seem friendly when they are in California so we'll see what it's like when I am on their turf!

Have a fantabulous weekend and I'll have Chicago stories when I get back!

Alcoholoroscopes

So...what's your drinking style??


ARIES

Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS

Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI

Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something unbelievable in an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER

Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO

Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO

Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

LIBRA

Drinking style: "I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's just that I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO

Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool - though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS

Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN

Drinking style: Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS

Drinking style: Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES

Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways you know.

My Addiction

So after much self-analyzation, I've discovered that I have my own sort of weird and insane addiction. An addiction to dating. Yea, I know sounds weird. People are addicted to booze, sex, drugs...but dating?! But I have been dating so much for so long that it seems like it needs to be a part of my life. So much so that I often put dating and meeting strangers ahead of my need to relax, my need to do laundry, my need to pay bills and my need to do my own thing. Why does a stranger take precedence over me? Especially when dating hasn't really paid off for me. Yes, I've met a lot of interesting people and I've acquired a lot of stories for my *All American Chick Lit Novel* but is it really worth it anymore? God knows I have enough research for the book and life is too short to be wasting on strangers right now. But to actually stop dating is a trial. I am so addicted to dating that I feel like I have to continue because *what if I lose out on meeting that one terrific guy if I stop. He may be my next blind date!* And even though I meet cool, interesting people, I can't grasp on that enough because I need to feed the addiction and date more guys and meet more people because even though this guy is cool, the next may be better. So bad. So after talking to a dear friend...ok...more like being lectured by a dear friend, I convinced myself that it's time to stop dating and take a break. I've pulled the profile and am going to focus on being out in the sun, organizing the apartment so it's fantabulous, being with my friends and enjoying all the things I miss because I've been too busy dating. The goal is to love and appreciate the things that make me again so that I don't have to dwell so much on the dating fiascos and that I will be more open to meeting a great guy for a *long term relationship* and give up my role of being a *chronic dater*. Because, let me tell you...being a chronic dater can be a total drag! Fun stories...but a drag.

The Demise of *The Guy*

Me and *the guy*…yea….do we see where this story is going? So me and *the guy* called it quits. Actually I did. Surprise, surprise!! But, hey…I stuck it out and tried to relax and as more time passed…I got more irritated. Fact is for being *together*, we weren’t together a lot and I definitely was not seeing the action that I wanted to be seeing.

All right…so let me explain…

Problem #1: Not astrologically compatible. Ok. So this isn’t a huge deal. I have dated the difficult signs…like Taurus…and the serious signs…like Cancer. But I was dealing with a Capricorn which is both difficult AND serious. And everything I read said that Libra and Capricorn was a match made in hell. Uh-oh…what?! Must tread very carefully. We weren’t a match made in hell…just conflicted.

Problem #2: Any guy I date has to have just a little bit of boldness and aggressiveness under their belt. I like to feel pursued and wanted. Instead, here I was pursuing him. I was the one making the arrangements and driving into the city to meet him. Really…what is that?! And I do not consider comments like *hey, you looked great Friday night…awwww, I am so sweet* cute. Ok…things are nice until you go and acknowledge that what you said was cute. And opening doors and then saying *I can be such a gentleman* is not really gentlemanly. Considering I have male friends that open my car doors, let me into restaurants before they enter, order for me and just take care of me in general…even though I am not a romantic interest, *the Guy* really was not a true gentleman. But I forgave him because he was cute and dorky. Oh yea…and after 9 dates…you’d have expected to have gotten some sort of action.

Problem #3: A Guy should definitely have some *cohones*. If I feel like I have more *cohones* than the guy...that is a bad thing. Then that makes me feel like I am the guy in the relationship and the guy is the girl. BAD!!! Again...this goes into the whole wanting to be wanted mentality.

Problem #4: Distance. It's hard when one lives in Oakland and the other lives on the Peninsula. You have to deal with 30 miles and a bridge. Hey...it may not seem like a big deal but when it's the girl doing all the driving and the guy just sits their waiting and that girl hates driving in the first place...totally big deal!!

Problem #5: Whining indecisive men are not attractive. I am indecisive. This is where the boldness and assertiveness that I want in a man comes into play. I want a guy that can make a decision. Where do you want to eat? I don't know...you decide. How about Italian? Perfect. See...easy! If I don't feel like Italian...I'd bring it up and suggest something else. Now when two people are going rounds and rounds trying to decide something...I am ready to throw my hands up in the air and go in the opposite direction. I mean...really...does it have to be so hard. And if said guy has something in mind...just say it! Pu-lease...just say it. Do not wait for me to suggest 10 other things to do before I come up with your idea and you agree to that. Talk about a waste of time...cohones...see...we're back to problem #3.

Too much stuff driving me crazy and with his whole *girls on Match are just looking for sex* comments, I wasn't about to sleep with him if I wasn't sure if I even wanted to continue seeing him. Because of that I did have to deal with *pent up* issues but like a dear friend reminded me, that is why we have Good Vibes (www.goodvibes.com). Hmmm...maybe that's too much information. Awww, heck...who are we kidding. Women have their toys and men have their porn and some have both. And people who don't realize that are living in Timbuktu!

Damn...

It's been two weeks already?! Where does the time go?!

I got stories..and stories...and more stories. I just need to try and sit down to type them all!

I hope you all have a sunny fabulous weekend! Here is to no more rain...Yay!!

Dear Neighbor...

I’m the new girl who lives above you. I’m a pretty good neighbor. I don’t throw parties, I try to take off my high-heeled shoes when I get home so I don’t clunck around the apartment and stomp all around your head. I haven’t been playing music or movies loud since I’ve barely been home. Yes, there’s the occasional Cash or Buble singing moment but they are legends in their own time and I have a pretty decent singing voice so you are getting entertained for free!

You’re a pretty decent neighbor. I don’t hear *much* noise. But I don’t care what the landlord says, I *know* they haven’t insulated the ceiling between our apartments. I can hear the mumbling of voices. I can hear your wife or girlfriend’s laugh, which is kinda high-pitched. I also can hear when she slams the frigging door to the apartment and yells at you in the hallway. Hellow!! The hallway is communal…you want to quiet it down over there?! Jeez…all I want in life is quiet...like that’s so much to ask. Especially at night! Thank god I’m not hearing you guys go at it because frankly, I can’t even deal with that stuff.

But what drives me close to insane is the snoring. Dude...really...go to a sleep clinic. Your snoring wakes *me* up. I sleep in a different apartment and hear you! And even though the high-pitched laughing, yelling at you girlfriend/wife annoys me...I feel bad for her being stuck sleeping with you. You must be hot or something...or she must be a very deep sleeper. But unfortunately, I'm stuck being a light sleeper now...and your snoring wakes me up! It makes me very cranky and tired on those mornings that I wake up wondering what woke me up and then listen carefully and hear the low but constant rumbling coming from your apartment. Grrrr!! Stop snoring! I'm sleep deprived because of you!

Would it be ok to slip a sleep clinic brochure and the bill for my earplugs under your door?? *sigh*

Confessions of a Commitment-Phobe

Hello…my name is Valerie and I am a commitment-phobe.

And the sad truth is that I so am! I know this…I realize it…I can’t help it! I have the strongest “get out and run” reflex this side of the Mississippi. And I always have. I have no idea what my issue is! I have a very strong independent streak. I am stubborn. I am picky. I know what I want…sometimes. But when it comes to men…I freak out, get nervous and stressed out and it just becomes easier for me to leave than figure out what is making me feel the way I feel.

So I recently met a guy who is the guy in my head. I’m not sure if that makes sense. But I think everyone goes around with the image of the guy they see themselves with. I realize that in life, that doesn’t always happen. So *the guy* is tall, has dark features, has the absurdedly coveted goatee, is attractive, smart, funny and an all around good guy. So what is the problem? There isn’t really anything wrong with him at all. Not at all! And if I had to really think about why things could be a total bust…the only things that come to mind are that he isn’t as bold or aggressive as I am used to and that he lives farther than I would like. Considering that we’ve only been on four dates, that isn’t really a deal breaker. He can be shy. He can be very respectful and over analyzing what I mean by “going slow” from my match profile.

The other day, I called my dear friend to kind of get her point of view. Of course, I never come out and just say it. I ask her how she ended up meeting her husband and how things were in the beginning, etc. before I go into details of *the guy*.

She stops and asks me “So, what excuse are you coming up with now?”

Me: What do you mean?

Her: C’mon Valerie, you are such a commitment-phobe. What’s wrong with *the guy*?

Me: Start laughing hysterically in the middle of grocery store (I may be banned from TJ’s now for being a crazy person!) Well, nothing really is wrong with *the guy*. He’s nice and sweet and gives me my space and is really understanding but he isn’t very aggressive and he lives kinda far and it seems like a drag.

Her: Some people have weekend relationships and he’s just shy. Reee-lllaaaaxx! Have fun with it.

Me: Yea, yea…you’re right. What’s wrong with me? How come I always freak out? He’s a nice guy. He’s *the guy* in my head. People look at his picture and know why I’m with him. Why am I so friggin’ phobic!?

I am totally phobic. I realize this and it frustrates me. I am scared of many things. I am scared of losing my personal time. I am scared of having to answer to someone else. I am scared of letting my guard down enough to be completely taken over by someone. I am scared of giving my heart to another and having it stomped to bits. I am scared of falling in love and I am scared of someone falling in love with me. I completely and totally am scared of all of this and probably more. Do I have reason to be scared…yes…but not to the point of being this completely phobic that I am about to run away from *the guy* who fits the *hot guy with geeky qualities* that I have been looking for everywhere! I thought he didn’t exist but he does!

So I am going to take a step back, take a deep breath and RE-LAX and just see where things take me.

Please Stop Raining!!

Ugh...people can only take so much rain! Is this what the folks in Seattle go through? Now what they say about the insane amount of rain and depression and it being the state with the highest rate of suicide totally makes sense! I cannot take anymore rain!!

And of course, when the sun finally pokes through...I am sick and can't go out since I can barely walk three blocks without having the insane desire to pass out on the sidewalk. Yea...that'd be great! Can you imagine? And if something like that ever happened to me, the guys at work would hear about it and I'd never live it down.

It rained 25 days in March and we're probably going onto 5 days for April. Never do I remember as much rain in the Bay Area as this year.

It's spring! I want to go out and take a stroll in the crisp air, be excited about going to the park over the weekend, go to the outdoor festivals on a sunny Saturday and have all of the outdoors at my use without worrying about whether or not I have an umbrella, if I am wearing the right shoes or getting raindrops on my glasses. Ohhhh...I hate raindrops on my glasses. Because not only am I wet and cold...I'm also blind. Damn rain!! Give me a break!

Please, please stop the raining!!

The Art of Blogging

So I tell people that I blog...but how true is that?

We all know that I have not been blogging lately...and it isn't for a lack of wanting to. It's been more that I have been so insanely busy, I barely know what to do with myself. But I miss blogging and I miss my audience and I miss telling my outrageous insane stories. Seriously, I have no idea how I got my life...ok...I know how I came to exist and dude, I'd rather not think about that because that's kind of eeewwwww. Eewwwwww! Ugh I just grossed myself out. Ok, what I mean is that weird and strange shit happens to me...mainly because I internet date and well...there are some *cough* interesting characters out there. And with that territory comes interesting, crack me up, *NOWAY!* stories.

Life these past six months have been a roller coaster...but a fun one. A new job, a new apartment, a new city...everything has been a new change and a change for the better. I've dated here and there and have had fun but sometimes I think I take too much on. I haven't had the alone down time I am used to and that alone time is blog time baby! I want to be proud to say that *I blog...you should check me out at blahdeblah*...not *oh well, I kinda blog but I've been so busy I haven't had time lately but there are some good stories from a few months ago*. Yea...that DOES not cut it in my book!

The first step in the Art of Blogging is to blog and be proud of it! And that's just what I am going to do. So stay tuned to FogCityDweller for future programming.

R.I.P. Sean

In life, you come across people that stay with you forever and some that stay with you for just a moment. I was recently surprised and saddened to hear that this young, cute guy to the left, passed away. A interesting life that was taken away way too soon. It's hard to accept death, whether it be a family member or a friend. The truth of the matter is that Sean was neither to me. But I was still affected and sad.

So a week ago, I heard on the news that a surfer drowned at Ocean Beach. I didn't think much of it. Sadly, it's happened to many before. The waves and surf is pretty rough and frigid out there. A couple of days later, I grabbed the paper so I could read it and saw a picture of Sean on the front page and did a double take. The drowned surfer was him! Shock, surprise and disbelief.

About a year and a half ago, Sean was one of the guys I started talking to off of Match.com. He seemed smart, sweet, cute, interesting and an all around nice guy. We set up a time to meet and at the last moment, neurotic me cancelled our date and I never rescheduled. Life was too busy, I was too lazy to go through another "interview", he wasn't completely my type...whatever my lame excuse may have been...I always resented that I never contacted him to try and explain and reschedule. As the months went by, I would come across his profile on Match and think that maybe if I emailed him, I could apologize and maybe meet him for coffee. He just seemed like such a good guy amongst all the freaks and crazies I normally end up dating. But I never did...

I don't think I could have changed destiny or that I would have been able to save him that day if I was more involved in his life. He discovered a love for surfing and that love and thrill killed him. But I guess there is that feeling of "you never know what could have happpened".

To a wonderful life extinguished too early...Rest in Peace Sean.

Isn't it great...

when you feel like crap...you get comments like this...

"you could pass for 22 - being 30 looks so good on you. =)"

Bob...you are the greatest! Let me know if you need a backup singer for your band! =)

The Selfish Year

That's what I have proclaimed this year to be. Many may say that I was selfish enough this past year but in my mind, I consider 2005 to be the "lost year". Last year I spent way too much time and effort trying to get my life back on track while dating a conveyor line of losers. Ok, that's harsh. They weren't all losers...some were nice guys but they just weren't the guys for me. But despite 2005 being the lost year....all the hard work and sleepless nights and hard decisions finally came through. I found a job I love and just moved to an apartment and neighborhood that I never dreamed I could have. The sad part...or perhaps not so sad...was leaving the city. I no longer live in fog and that is probably the strangest part of everything. But deep down inside, I will always be a FogCityDweller...a city girl at heart with big city attitude. My small town coworkers seem to love the dripping sarcasm and the "get your act together" tone and I love that I am accepted for me and not this false act that I have to put on for work. The apartment is awesome! It's a mess and needs a loving touch which I haven't had the time or energy to put into the place yet but it has all the qualities I ever wanted. Of course, I would have wanted all this in the city but the rents are too high and I never would have been able to afford it. So now I get to work with firemen and live in an awesome pre-WWII apartment building two blocks from the main drag. Who couldn't be happier?!

So it took me a very long time to get this point and I am still not 100% "there". Finding a job and a place that I enjoy has been a challenge and I still need to find the man that compliments me. That seems to be the hardest thing ever! But for the time being...I need to be selfish. There are a lot of things I miss that I haven't had the time for lately. Blogging is one of them...as well as stitching, knitting, reading, watching movies and wandering aimlessly. I need to reclaim these things!

I still have the same mentality about dating. I date once in a while and if I can't make an immediate determination on attraction, I falter and falter big time. Why can't I come to the realization that it is pretty difficult to find a total stud muffin of a guy with a geek mentality? It's impossible! Give it up Valerie!! But I can't..I meet great guys that I seem to have loads in common with but in my mind...I see myself with studmuffin. Beauty is only skin deep...I know this. I get upset when guys just dish the compliments about my looks but not about my personality. So why am I a hypocrite in this area. I want to be appreciated for more than just my looks because there is more to me than that. Why can't I do the same?

And it doesn't help that when I do meet someone that I seem to get along with really well and am contemplating "giving it a chance" despite the whole attraction thing, the ex resurfaces and not in a good way. He's depressed and I am worried. And I worry for two reasons...worried because he seems so incredibly down and in the dumps and worried for the wave of emotions that takes over whenever I hear from him. I guess deep down, the feelings of love are still there. I love him...but I am not "in love" with him. We're too different and a pretty darn good sex life with him isn't enough to maintain anything. I just need to find that and more with someone else.

So as much as the new job and the new place have made me quite happy, I still need to focus on me and my likes and wants. I am not as settled or in the position that I would like to be.

My Apartment is Winning!

I give up! I am sitting here knowing that I should be taking the time to clean my apartment. If it was a game between me vs. the apartment...the apartment is winning. You guys should now be worried. I mean, if you don't hear from me for a while, it may just be because the apartment won and I am now buried under the 100 cd's that fell on the floor, magazines, mail, xmas items, old computer parts and all the other crap that is littered all over the place. Who has time for cleaning! And if I have the time...that usually is the last thing I want to do.

I need to clean...I mean...it's xmas time and I want to put up my tree...but I just started looking at apartments because...yup, I need to move. I want to move closer to work because the commute is killing me! So should I put up the tree of just pack up my stuff. I mean, I don't want to move right at the new year...just thinking about it freaks me out but at the same time...what the heck am I waiting for. I think I'll put up the tree and just start packing everything else to prepare fpr the day when I find THE place.

Wish me luck!

Happy Turkey Day!!

Happy Thanksgiving! Sorry for the disappearance…yet again. Things seriously have gotten crazy for me lately and that is minus all the insane dating. I mean…I still date…once in a while. But nowhere near the confusing and time consuming guy juggling that I was doing earlier in the year. And you know what that means…not as many interesting stories! I know…you guys are crushed!

A good friend of mine reminded me that one of the hardest times of transition for someone is when they start a new job and I cannot agree with her more right now. I started my new job in August…3 months ago! I am still trying to find my routine and without a routine…I am a scatterbrained mess. I am behind on calls, emails, blogging and cleaning. I have no time for anything other than commuting, working and visiting with the parentals/friends and making sure I get fed some way or another. Forget dating! I had to take my profile down because I was seriously blanking on whether I had already spoken to someone and what their name was. Seriously! I even went to the point of emailing this guy and telling him it was great chatting with him but that it would be nice to know what his name was (since he never signed off on the emails…HATE that by the way!). After I hit the send button, I realized that he had told me what his name was in his original email to me and I had just forgotten. Ugh!! So then I had to email back and make some excuse. Amazingly…the guy is still talking to me weeks later. Probably because we are both too busy to be starting over with other people and we have enough commonalities. Although, he is a little too serious for my taste…but we’ll see.

Overall, nothing exciting has happened. A couple of dates here and there, a longer commute and just plugging along. My parents are both finally back from their Nicaraguan excursion and in town through the holidays and I was able to escape to Puerto Vallarta for 6 blessed days of sun and nothing else. I’d give anything to be back on the beach. Two days back and I was back to the same daily grind.

So all in all…the same old stuff. Over the past month, I had things to talk about and I would make a mental note of “hey, must remember this to blog about”, but you know what, I can’t f-in remember what the hell those stories are now. So I will just leave it at this.
I hope everyone has a fantabulous holiday weekend and I’m sure I’ll have more interesting things to share after the weekend because, you know…family just does that to you.

Some people...

Some people deserve what they get...others do not. Some people give while others only take. Some people love while others only hate and some people pick themselves up constantly despite being knocked down time and again. I feel like one of the latter. Someone who just wants to be happy despite the bullshit.

It's hard to be bright and happy when you've felt as though your family has been under attack for years and all you want is justice and the right to retain what is rightfully yours.

Many don't know the details or the plight. It's depressing and stressful to talk about and when I do, I get agitated and mad at a man who uses connections for the wrong reasons and a country that is so behind the times. But I will now...the saga isn't completely over. More is to come...and how long this will take is beyond me but I can only hope that what happened today will open the eyes of many who protected the man who took so much away from all of us. From me, my brother, my sister, my mother but most importantly, from my father.

Four years ago, we began the battle to get a house back in Nicaragua. It is a house that has been in our family for five generations. My father grew up in this house and when he was younger, he dreamed of retiring back in Nicaragua. To find some repose after years of difficult blue collar work to support three kids. But after so many years in the states...he got used to the fog and I think a small part of it had to do that he couldn't bear to be far away from me. I'm the youngest...the only one he was allowed to hold right after being born and the bond between father and daughter became forever strong. Sure he drives me crazy and we don't see eye to eye but that's to be expected when there is a 47 year age gap.

About 6 years ago, my father decided to rent the house in Nicaragua. My great-aunt passed away and it was just sitting empty. Renting that house was the biggest mistake of our lives. Never did we think that man who rented the house was corrupt, a liar, an opportunist and a thief. Four years ago, he decided he didn't need to pay rent anymore and that he made enough home improvements to the house that wasn't even his...and improvements which he didn't actually do. And in his sick and twisted mind, he decided that the house was his and that he didn't need to pay rent anymore.

The court system in Nicaragua is still very corrupt. Many of the judges are old timers who were there under Sandinista rule and if someone is willing to grease their hand a little, they'll swing whatever way the money will despite who is right and who is wrong. We aren't that way. We believe in justice instead of out and out greed. The renter was lucky enough to have ties and connections and apparently money since he wasn't paying us rent to be greasing the hands of many a judge and many an attorney. Four years of headaches...four years of lies and four years of fighting to get back a house that was ours...IS ours. My great-grandfather is probably rolling over in his grave at the horror that we were so close to losing this house...HIS house to this monstrous man and his equally monstrous and selfish family. God forbid they WORK to retain property like my ancestors did...all in the hope of providing for their family and their family and so on. THAT house is a legacy! And for four years my father battled appeal after appeal for whatever stupid little discrepancy the renter's attorney could find. In the back of his mind, my father worried about losing out on the legacy...what he had counted on to leave for his family. And today...there was a sweet reward. For two weeks we anticipated the eviction would be today. And we waited with bated breath what the outcome would be. If we would be thrown a wrench at the last minute. We weren't...my father was given the key the night before and went to the house this morning with the judge and the police to take possession of our home.

And I think that FINALLY the judge realized what sort of a BASTARD we had been dealing with for the better part of a decade. What sort of man everyone protected. The fact that we had to plead with the President to ask for help and assignment of someone who could help us in this case. My mother pleaded with the President because my father was too proud to ask for help from a distant relative that he barely knew. Yes...the prez is a relative. My mother wasn't so much...we needed help. We needed a "clean" attorney. We were refused by so many attorneys because the renter was friends with everyone it seemed like, from his Sandinista days.

As with many things...there is a good side and a bad side. The good is that we now have possession of the house. The bad is that he took everything. All the antique furniture my aunt stupidly left in the house because she was to lazy to find storage. All of it...gone. All the wires from the electrical sockets...ripped out. Sink basins and toilets...stolen. Garden....dug up. Water bill and electric bill...left unpaid. He raped my entire family by doing this. He took everything, he sucked us dry. The money to fix the electrical, the garden, change the locks, pay the bills in default, buy an iron gate and hire a securty guard. It is endless. I hope my parents realize that this is done. To fix the house, sell it and just settle here. The only thing that Nicaragua holds for me...for us..is family. There is so much pain. This is the second attempt to get back property. We sold the first...this is the second. If you don't live there...it's not worth it. As beautiful as the country is, the people are opportunists. Who needs to live somewhere where people rob each other in such a blantant disregard of possessions and property.

The destruction was intentional and I hope to God...there being one...that his hand strikes down hard, heavy and precise. Justice still needs to be served in my eyes. Again, we must go through court proceedings to claim stolen property. My mother is besides herself at the loss of all that furniture. I hope this situation opened the judge's eyes. We are not dealing with a "respected member of society". He is a criminal and needs to be dealt with accordingly. May he rot in jail and may his family suffer as much as ours.

My father is thousands of miles away and I feel the intense need to be with him. I don't think he should be alone. He is 77 years old. He doesn't need this kind of stress. He should be relaxing and enjoying retirement instead of working to get a house back to it's former colonial beauty and protecting it from blatant criminals. To putter around the garden, to walk around the house with his TV Guide "bible", to bicker with my crazy mom and to tell me I am right and mom is crazy. I miss my dad. He's been gone since February and even though I was lucky enough to see him for a week in July...that isn't enough. With this second proceeding, who knows when he will come back . His man has robbed months and years of quality time between me and my dad in his golden years. He is not a young man...nor is he a healthy man but my dad is a workhorse.

And from thousands of miles away, I think about how much my dad has dealt with...oftentimes, alone. All for the sake of family...and I think about the man who almost took it all away...who still managed to escape with much...and I feel such deep and intense hatred that it makes me mad and sad. Mad that someone is so fucking blind at the justices of the world and the simple concept of right vs. wrong and sad that I can feel such hatred for someone else and of the time taken away from my father.

I can only hope that justice be served in one form or another...

A Failed Attempt...

Well, I should be relaxing and knitting but I have a stack of mail beside me to go through and all I can think about if how I was so eager to start cooking by myself. To save a few dollars on take-out and be a normal adult. I mean, I have been subsisting on salads, canned soup and sandwiches for the better part of three years.It's time I learn the right side of a knife and learn the difference between chopped and julienne. So I come here to share my failed attempt. A friend (hi AM) gave me this recipe for curry...I'm a huge fan of curry...thai, indian...it doesn't really matter. But I rarely eat it out and thought it would be good if me, Ms. White Girl, could make some yummy curry. Well, it smelled yummy. It looked yummy BUT...it certainly did not taste yummy. Something happened. WHAT HAPPENED!! *sigh* Apparently I was not given "the gift". I obviously oversalted it almost to the point of inedible. I feel a little defeated.

To make myself feel better, I made a pie. No...I wasn't gonna eat the whole pie myself! I already have issues fitting into my pants. But the pumpkin festival is this coming weekend, I love pumpin anything (bread, pie, ice cream,pancakes). Yummmmmmmm! I made the pie to take to work...it was a hit. I knew it would be. Pumpkin pie is easy...and I make a good one. So I kind of redeemed myself.

As far as the curry..."if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". So...I guess I'll try again.

I'm in Love!

Yep...I'm in love with this really hot guy who's fit, funny, hot, smart, looks good in tight tee-shirts, friendly, honest and hot. I even find his Texas accent attractive. What is up with THAT?

Here's his picture...isn't he dreamy?! His name is George and he's a Crime Scene Investigator. He works graveyard so I don't get to see him much...

Oh was I saying that out loud?! Oopsie...seriously though...isn't he friggin hot! I wish I was a super smart nerdy scientist so that I could clone him and have my very own George Eads.

I am now a CSI addict because of him. Well that and the fact it's a very good show despite the grody parts. I know when, what time and what channel the show is on. Thank goodness for Netflix too. I am on disc three of season one...I got lots of George to watch. Yum!

If there is one thing...

Well, you know about the Plague of Crap overtaking my life...like that isn't enough to keep my mind occupied. But there is also something else. Guilt trips. If there is one thing I can't stand...it's a guilt trip. I was raised Catholic. I know how to dish out a really good guilt trip. I try not to because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. I've received endless ones and as a child, I had no choice but to sit there and obsess about what I did wrong, what I could have done better, etc. As an adult, I refuse to put up with it. I have reasons for not emailing, not calling, not visiting, not whatever the case may be.

I am busy! And just because I am single does not mean I do NOT have a life. I resent being made to feel that way. Being single does not mean that work is my ENTIRE life. I am not sitting at home every evening waiting for the phone to ring or replying to endless emails. I am a busy single person. It's good and it's bad. It's good because I am not a hermit and at home all the time. It's bad because I don't have time to call, email or visit everyone who expects me to.

I work a full time job. I have to wake up at 6am to leave by 7am for my hour commute. Mornings suck...I hate mornings and leaving the house by 7am is one, impossible and two, painful. I work my hours and drive home, in traffic and get home around 6pm. Not bad unless I have to run errands...Target, the supermarket, produce market, gas station, passing by my parents house, doing laundry. If I don't have to run an errand, I come home, make something to eat, go through my mail, watch a little CSI, make a lunch for work the next day, go online and try to get through emails (I can barely email from work) and by the time I finish, it's usually past 10pm and I have to go to sleep to start the cycle over again. I obviously (!) barely have time to even blog, let alone do the things I truly enjoy like stitching, knitting, going to see movies, relaxing over coffee at the shop. I am always on the run.

Some days, I have a date, dinner plans with friends or an exercise class after work. Sometimes, I have to work on banking...mine AND my parents...that's double the bills to deal with AND double the math. I stop by my parent's house to collect mail, water the plants, check the house, call my dad and talk to the neighbors. My mom is back in town, that means more visits to the house, more errands because she doesn't get around very well and more headaches.

I am the product of older parents and with that comes more responsibilities...especially when my siblings don't pull their fair share. I live alone and there is only me. Only I am responsible for my well being.

I hope this explains my absense via blogging, phone, email or otherwise. I truly am a busy person. I always have been.

Welcome to my life...

The Plague of Crap...

The Plague of Crap is taking over my life. It started taking over about a week before my 30th birthday when I realized that for 30, I haven't accomplished much. I don't own anything other than my piece of junk car, I do not have a significant other, I live in a fairly crappy building and frankly, I feel down in the dumps about all of this and more. The only thing I have going for me at the moment is a very cool job that I enjoy.

So let's break it down...

My junk car...is sucking me dry. It's a good car, it runs well, it hasn't really given me very many problems but it's getting old and needs those "old car repairs". Boots that are cracked, tires that are worn and God knows what else. I'm just not in a position to be dealing with this shit because I'm...well...I'm broke. Yea, what else is knew. But you know I am feeling the penny pinch when I am actually cooking and making things at home because I am trying to save a few bucks for...car repair. Yea, exciting. I'd feel better if I was doing it for something fun like...new shoes!

No significant other...this is driving me nuts. I've been single for a long time. I know how to do it, I'm fine with it but I am also bored with it. I want someone to go to live music with, festivals and fairs, to share the paper over coffee at the local shop, to cuddle with at the movies, to get dressed up, be arm candy and take the city by storm. But here I am, on a Saturday night, blogging my sob story to the world. I have been dating constantly since January and have met more duds than ever! Why can't I meet someone decent. I am cute, independant, funny, honest, loyal and an all around great person (if I do say so myself!). I am one of the last single ones in my circle of friends and it sucks the big one. I'm always a third wheel and it sucks even further that they don't have a pool of me to set me up with. I'm left to completely fend for myself. And after nine months of dating, I am still at the same place I left off. Single, alone and with no one. At 30, I'd always imagined that I'd have been married and maybe working on kid #1. Right now, I don't think I am ready for kids but I am definitely ready to settle down. Obviously that is not in the cards for me now...who knows if it ever will be. I know that I am made of strong stuff...I'm strong, stubborn, opinionated, capable, beautiful and independant. If I had to be alone, I could be but the thing is...I don't want to be. I really don't. I am tired of the dating though...but I can't seem to stop. It's like an addiction. I need to go to a "Daters Anonymous" meeting. I try and then I decide to go on another date with another dud because "well, you never know...". They are ALL duds and with each dud I go out with...I become more bitter and cynical. I really need to stop and reconnect with myself.

Crappy building...I want to move. I've wanted to move since four months into my one year lease three years ago. But again, the money issue comes into play. I am hoping that at the beginning of the new year, I can move out of the fog to a sunnier area...and cut some minutes off my morning and evening commute at the same time.

And the other stuff...I am always so busy and so tired, running from one place to the next trying to do things for myself and my parents. I spend a lot more time in my car and less time walking and I feel like I'm carrying extra pounds that will NOT come off.

I feel down, I don't feel like talking to people much, I am too busy to have the alone time I need and frankly, I am officially down in the dumps. Thank god I get to see hot firemen at work. Everything is not completely lost.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday Dear Me...
Happy Birthday to me!!

Yea, I turned 30 today...and along with it came the Plague of Crap!

Happily Single

Yes, that would be me...happily single. It's better to be happy by yourself than be unhappy and miserable to be with someone else. And that's where things were going with K. Things were awesome in the beginning! I was happy. We were having fun. Things were great...until we established exclusivity. And then the chase was basically over on his part and I felt like we were living out a 10 year marriage. No sex, no passion, no plans, no nothing. But I was driving my ass 80 miles one way to spend time with him...and go with him to run HIS errands. Oh, the romance! And obviously, I was putting out more of the effort. I was getting tired of hearing the I'm tired, I'm too full, I've got work to do...etc. I mean, aren't those considered "girl" excuses?!After too many visits like that, I bid him goodbye, put my profiles back up and am back to doing my own thing and maybe dating...if someone interesting comes along.

"anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love...is a complete waste of time" and in this case...K was a complete waste of my time. I can't believe I put up with that shit for as long as I did.

And so I live my happily single existance.

Three Weeks In

Ummm....Hi! Remember me? Yea! The author of this blog...yes, that would be me. Umm...no, I wasn't on vacation. No..No...Nothing happened to me. No really, I'm fine...I swear. But you know this new job...WoW! It's been really keeping me busy and I haven't been able to find the time to blog. Awww...you've missed me?! I've really missed you guys too!

So I've been at the new job for three weeks, now going on four and I LOVE IT!! It's challenging, fun and the people I work with are great. Oh and Ummm, did I mention I work with firemen?! *sigh* It's great!

Benefits are great, there's sun, I can get to work via car instead of the dreaded MUNI and it's completely different from what I was doing before. The only downside is that my commute sucks ass since I am NOT a morning person at all. I don't even have time to stop and get Starbucks! Hey now!! Getting good coffee in the morning is the only way some people make it through the day!

Oh, yea...and 80% of the firemen are already married. Oh well...I still love my job anyways!!

Never Forget...

It's amazing to think how much can happen in four years and yet, it not really be a very long period of time. I spent the day looking at crappy apartments I can afford and beautiful apartments I can't. Walking around a fairly affluent and trendy neighborhood that I enjoy while window shopping and drinking coffee. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking about how we go through everyday motions in the wake of sadness, despair and natural disaster. We do this because we have to...one foot in front of the other...everyday motions. The errands...grocery store, dry cleaning, going here and going there. The talking to friends, the dating, going to work, paying the bills, making meals, washing dishes, putting away laundry. These are the everyday motions of my life and what makes one day progress into the other.

So on this day, September 11th, 2005, I reflect. Reflect on a day, four years ago when every red-blooded American sat glued to their TV in horror of an act of terrorism against our nation. Something so horrible, that I personally thought I had switched to some action movie before realizing, I had turned on the news and the scene of a plane hitting the World Trade Center, being played over and over and over again, had actually happened. What was going on?! I just remember watching the news in shock before making my way upstairs to see my dad watching the same thing as I had been on TV. We looked at each other in disbelief while I was trying to make sense of the how, the who and the why while trying to get ready for work. On my way to the Bart Station, my coworker called me to say our boss didn't want us coming in to work because since our office was close to the Transamerica and Bank of America buildings, two of the tallest buildings in San Francisco, he was scared they would be a terrorist target. So I turned around, went home and watched hours and hours of news coverage through my tears. And at some point, I turned off the tv, called the Ex and we spend the evening together just to have companionship with another person and have an excuse not to get sucked into the horror of the TV and the reality of the day.

In the end...I was lucky...no one I knew died that day. I was safe on the other coast. Some people I now know, were not so lucky. Friends, spouses, parents, siblings senselessly taken away. For what really?! I still do not understand it to this day. But despite me not understanding, I will not forget.

And we shouldn't...and that's why I take the time to remember this day four years ago and the people who were taken away from their loved ones and the people who stayed behind to pick up the pieces. And I sit here and think of those who worked ground zero, doing their duty as many were police officers and firefighters, hoping to find survivors and dreading finding bodies. A position I would never dream being in...yet these guys...they volunteer! The need to protect and serve their community lies so deep within themselves that they put themselves in danger everyday. And I sit here in awe.

As I now work for the fire department, four guys were deployed to assist with the search and rescue efforts due to Hurricane Katrina. Some of these same guys worked Ground Zero four years ago. They are part of a special task force...they endured hours of special training to be part of this special group of women and men that are called for in tragic emergency situations and they are confronted by situations and things that we pray not to endure ever in our entire lives. They work long hours in areas of great risk to their safety and in the end, despite the long hours, unstable terrain, finding survivors and victims and physical and mental strain, all they care about is that they are helping people. And then there are the folks who volunteer to do the same thing. They put their lives on hold to go to the assistance of others. And I wish I could be as selfless as them.

Never forget...

Emotional Uncertainty

"You don't handle emotional uncertainty very well, although you don't mind your own ambivalence. You just don't like it when it comes from someone else. You might be feeling somewhat miffed because you aren't sure what is going on out there. Don't worry about what to do; concentrate instead on how you feel. Keep in touch with your emotions, no matter what comes into awareness."

Welcome to my horoscope for today. And all I can say is that for once in my life, I can say that it is dead on...sadly. I forgot the uncertainly that comes from new relationships. The trying to figure out what the other is feeling, thinking, etc. The "do they like me as much as I like them", "are they truly attracted to me" and the "do we truly make a good couple". After being single for a good long time, I've forgotten about this part...and I'm not really liking it.

The past two weekends with K have not gone according to plan and I am feeling a little lost, a little uncertain and clearly...a lot miffed! I've been reassured that he is still interested in me and in seeing me, yet...I'm not feeling it. I'm not getting the attention I want and need and that's sad considering he already lives 80 miles away from me to begin with. We can't even see each other every day...we are committed to seeing each other during the weekends only. You'd think they'd be fantastic and planned and that we'd have options of things to do. At least I would...why can't he? Do I really have to be the planner? Even in a city I don't live in? I won't go into details here. I'll just say that I am taking a step back and taking in the scene. Things had better improve...or else the firemen working in my department are looking better and better by the minute!

It's Official!

So I had a phenomenal weekend with K! He surprised me with a dozen long stemmed roses, we had a nice dinner on Friday night, we baked in the sun for a while at the ball game, drove to the town he lives in and just veged, slept and took a nice long scenic ride back to San Francisco. It wasn't jam packed with things to do but it was comfortable and nice. We had a conversation once he took me back home about profiles being up and exclusivity, etc. And the decision was made. He was going to take down his profile. Mine was already down because my subscription ran out and I didn't want to deal with any more guys contacting, especially if I couldn't contact them anyways. K asked what I wanted out of the relationship right now and I told him that I wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Ha! Doesn't that sound so high school?! So K is my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. Finally, after years of being a chronic dater and commitment-phobe, I've come across someone I want to be with. Someone who doesn't trigger the "get out and run" default mechanism programmed in my head. You know, the one that has me running around like a chicken with her head cut off screaming about how some guy keeps calling and wants to spend so much time with her, etc. Yea, I have heard the "Valerie, you are making too much of a deal out of nothing. He's interested in you...relax." Yea, I've heard that a lot. And despite me being a commitment-phobe and K being commitment-minded, I find that the "get out and run" reflex isn't being triggered...and that's a good feeling. It seems like I am finally growing up! Who woulda thunk it!

The News

So.....I haven't told you guys about my news. I got a new job!! Yay!!! *twirling around like a dork*

Let me just say that I have been looking for a new job, off and on...for almost two years. Yep...that long. I've read hundreds of want ads, sent out loads of cover letters and resumes, had interviews and even tests and nothing. Zip, zero, nada. Until the end of July. I interviewed for a position that I had interviewed for last October and DID NOT get. I was crushed. It was what seemed like a dream job and I interviewed very well for it. Not to mention I was #2 on the eligibility list. Yea, I know...I ROCK! Obviously, the guy who interviewed me is blind. Well, fast forward to last month and they asked me to come in for another interview. I do a little research and find out that the people who interviewed me last year are no longer there. Interesting...

I go into the interview a little apprehensive because I am worried about being rejected again and despite feeling like I didn't do my best in the interview...I GOT THE JOB! Yay!!! I am so excited and even better is that it's a support job for the Fire Department. Yep...that's right. Hot guys in uniform. *sigh* I can't wait.

Even better is that things with me and my guy (aka Guy #2) are going well...fast but good. We'll see where things lead...

Someone pinch me...I actually have a little string of good luck going here! Actually...don't pinch me...let me ride it out a bit.

"The Men" Update

Ok, gotta update you on the men. This will be a brief recap from the last two weeks. Wow, I am really THAT behind.

Guy #1...Mr. Brazilian I wanna sleep with you guy who obviously must think I truly am a "repressed american" since I never heard from him after our second date. Yea, the one where he asked me if we were going to my place or his. I am NOT in this dating game for a booty call...well, that's a perk but I am in it for the long haul. To find a guy I feel is worth opening myself up to and to experience the ups and downs of a long term relationship with. Obviously, this guy was NOT it. And Valerie moves on...

Guy #2...Mr. Lives Far but is Cool guy. We have talked practically everyday since the week after I got back from my vacation. We've had three dates with date #4 and date #5 coming up this weekend. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day and wanting to talk to him. I haven't liked someone this way in so long that I am finding it very strange...but cool. I think he may just be feeling the same way. Things are still very new and I am not sure where they are headed but I am looking forward to the possibilities. Guy #2 is a keeper in my book.

Guy #3...Mr. Needs to Get Over Himself. If there is one thing I cannot stand is last minute planners and those that insist it be on their terms. I had a date set up with this guy two weeks ago to the day. We were supposed to meet up for drinks and see where things went. At 7pm, that Friday night, he calls me to arrange the actual meet up. Um, yea...this does not fly in my book. I already had one foot out the door to go shopping! He calls me and I ask him what is going on and he says that he would still like to meet..at 930pm! Yea, I don't think so. I ask to reschedule and he says it's either that night or we cancel outright because he was going to leave for Mexico City in a week for a month. What?! Well, what was the point of meeting if he was going to leave for a month. I told him if he still wanted to meet me after he came back to call me and we'd see if we set something up. He says fine and that he would send me pictures during his trip so I "wouldn't forget about him". Yea, whatever...I haven't heard from him and I'll die before being a "beck and call" girl. I've tossed that one in the crapper.

Guy #4...Mr. On my Time. A little reminiscent of Guy #3. Calls at the last minute like I have nothing better to do than wait for him to call me on the weekend to go out for the same day. Doesn't he know that there are rules? You do not call a girl Saturday afternoon to go out that same afternoon or evening unless you two are very good friends or already in the midst of dating. In the beginning and especially for a first date, that is a huge no-no! We had been playihng email and phone tag for the longest time and I finally heard back from him last night. Considering things with Guy #2 are heading in a direction that I like, I don't want to meet Guy #4. So I've bid him adieu. Bye Guy #4.

So all I have is Guy #2 who I hope sticks around for a while. Wish me luck!!

Mosquitos, Heat Rash and Sunburn....Oh My!!

Hmmm....I've been putting off talking about my trip to Nicaragua because everyone I tell responds by saying "it doesn't sound like you had a good trip". In some respects, I didn't. But the overall goal was achieved and that makes it a success in my eyes...and crazy mind!

The whole purpose of the trip was to spend time with the family and see my relatives and basically have a little reunion back "home" in Nicaragua and to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my parents. Can you believe it!? I think it's a miracle they didn't kill each other! But despite their differences, it's easy to see now how much they care and love each other. They got married in 1955 and my dad headed to America in search of the "american dream" and better opportunities. My mom stayed behind with a newborn and waited until my dad had saved enough money to bring them both back to America with him. That took about a year. Since then, they had two more kids, lived in two houses, managed to make the payments on blue collar jobs, lived through car accidents and hospitalizations and have two grandkids. There have been a lot of ups and downs over the last 50 years but they've stuck through it...and I am proud of them. They wanted to celebrate this in Nicaragua, surrounded by the original members of the wedding party at the church they got married in way back when. So details went into full spin just a mere month ahead of the anniversary. It was difficult figuring this stuff out when thousands of miles away, working like crazy, looking for a new job AND interviewing, dating very attention-needy men and trying to keep my life from falling apart all together. But you know what? It all worked out really well.

The renewal of vows was at the same church they got married 50 years ago and for the part where they actually exchanged vows again, we were moved from the main alter to the mini alter they knelt before 50 years ago. It was very heartfelt and touching to be there and experience what they had so many years ago. The love was evident. And that made the bad things about the trip so worth it. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't even be here and despite the bickering and the fighting that I would always hear growing up as a kid, it was determined that day that under it all...love existed and that was all that mattered.

But I have to mention the bad...the mosquitos, heat rash and sunburn. Ack! Now I know why I live in foggy SF. There is no or very limited A/C and I can barely stand 75 degree weather. It was 90+ and humid in Nicaragua and I was dying and sweating everyday. Not to mention the mosquitos! OMG, they were eating me alive and ummm, did I forget to mention that I am allergic?! Yea, these bites swell up, get inflammed, itch like mad and I look like some weird pink polka dotted freak. I am not a happy camper!! Add heat rash cuz I am sweating (see 90+ and humid) and a sunburn. Luckily not a major one but seriously, I was out in the sun for like 15 minutes without any sunscreen and *ka-blam*, I'm all pink. *sigh* All a girl wants to do is tan around here!!

So...YES, there were some rocky parts about my vacation (which was almost a month ago...can we say I am behind on blogging!!?) but I had a good time, the parentals were happy, I bonded with my cousin and I left sad and wishing I still had a day or two to do the rest of the things I didn't have time for. I mean, I was even starting to get used to the heat! Can you believe it!? Me...used to heat? It's unheard of!

It's Raining Men!

Yes, I KNOW! Yes, I remember what I said just a mere week ago. I am not THAT forgetful. But I don't know what happens here. Seriously...I've no idea.

I came back from vacation (yea, still working on that story) and decided that since I was paid through this past Wednesday, I would put my profile back up on Match.com...and I got bombarded!

And I am now juggling 4 guys...four! My personal limit is 3 because after that, I start getting confused and freaking out and we all know you don't want to be near me when I am freaking out. So here is the lowdown.

Guy #1 = Actually met him off another site that I am up on but not a member of. Since he included his email in his initial contact, I was able to touch base off the site. All I can say is tall, dark and totally handsome. Brazilian, new to the city, into design, loves music, plays the drums (uh-oh!), has a touch of ink, loves old cars and motorcycles, has biker persona and is a total flirt. And when I say total flirt, I mean totally brazilian, agressive and open about sex. At the end of the second date, which was last night, as I attempted to say my goodbye, he asked me if we were going to his place or my place. I told him we were going to our own places and we'll figure things out later. After only having spent a total of five hours in each other's company, he asked me if WE were spending the night at his place or my place! Hmmmm, never had that approach before!Those Brazilian boys move fast!

Guy #2 = Met him on match. He actually resurfaced from a year ago. We had gotten to the point of talking on the phone and I blew him off after it dawned to me that he lived far and I wasn't willing to drive that far to meet someone or carry on a relationship. After the amount of stalkers, freaks and smotherers I have dated over the last two years, a little forced distance doesn't seem so bad...at least for the beginning. He is another of those established, older, successful guys that are sporty, meaning into golfing, swimming, skiing and baseball. *cough* Yea, I don't do any of those! I'll watch....well...I'll watch baseball. Ferget the rest of that stuff! This should be interesting. But he makes me laugh, we talk on the phone for a bit almost everyday and he isn't stressing me out...which is nice.

Guy #3 = Another match guy. He is the declared *hottie* by my friends. And he is...a hottie...but I think Guy #1 is the ultimate hottie in my eyes. He's another latin guy with the cultural background and love of tequila. ..successful, established, etc. Why are all these guys successful and established?! It's good and all but it just points out the fact to me that I am NOT! Anyways...we've talked and hit it off and we hope to meet tomorrow.

Guy #4 = Yet another match guy...it's the only place I meet men! We have been emailing off and on for over a month and can never connect to talk on the phone or meet. Lots and lots of phone and email tag going on lately. Hopefull we'll connect soon and just schedule a time to meet.

So I am back to juggling despite my profile finally being down. I am adamant about keeping it down for a while. Yea, yea, I know...you've heard that one before!

I mean it...I swear!

Quotes...

I've been thinking about a couple of things lately. The most popular question I get asked during "get to know you" conversations with new potentials is "what's your favorite movie?" Now I am a pretty honest sort of gal and I have to admit that my favorite movie is Dream for an Insomniac. Yea, I know....you've never heard of it. And guys especially have NEVER heard of it since it's a chick flick. And I have to explain the story line and who the actors are, etc.

For me, the main draw is that there are loads of Sinatra and Cake songs...and I am addicted to both. It's 1/2 in black and white and 1/2 in color and Ione Skye cracks me up. She is sarcastic and cynical and she believes that the guy of her dreams is out there and she will not settle for anything less.

"anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love, is a complete waste of time".

And you know what...I agree with her. Why settle for anything less? During all my dating frustrations, I remember that. I deserve it, I want it and I need it...and I will not settle for anything mediocre or lackluster just to have a "someone" in my life.


This other thought has popped into my head. Do you believe in "love at first sight"? I don't think I do. I've never fallen in love with anyone at the sight of them. It's been a slow gradual process. As I was watching Sex in the City last night on cable, Carrie asked one of the other girls (I don't watch this show usually so I don't remember) if she believed in love at first sight and she replied, "No, but I do believe in lust at first sight". YES!! I SO believe in lust at first sight. I'm totally in the throes of this at the moment. The minute you see a totally hot guys picture and you fall in lust and imagine the possibilities. It rarely ever works out but it can be fun!

Hooking Up

OMG...did you see it?! I was at home last night...trying to watch tv, blog and look for a new job. You know, it really is harder doing all this stuff at the same time. I get easily distracted. What would normally take me 20 minutes, instead takes me like two hours. But TV is my addiction and I have to tune out the noise of the "Bimbette Sisters" somehow.

I was flipping through the channels and decided to skip my usual choice of CSI (George Eads is a hottie!) and tuned into some new reality show called "Hooking Up". Wow, too bad I don't live in New York...I could have been on live TV since that has basically been my life for the past 6+ months. It was hysterical! Some of the guys were bizarre and the girls...OMG!

Let's see what do I remember....Cynthia was having bad date after bad date...yea, been there, done that. But I have never had some 43 year old ex-British model show up 30 minutes late looking as old as dirt and surprising me because he had sent me a 15 year old picture. 15 year old picture people! Yea, it's great that you were a Fabio stud muffin 15 years ago but now...like today...you look as old as dirt and falsly advertised yourself. Not cool...I would have done the same thing as Cynthia. Gone to the ladies room, called a friend, begged them to call the restaurant with the excuse of an emergency and hightailed it the hell out of there! Ewww! But I do have to say I had someone send me a 10 year old picture. That person still did look relatively the same...having gracefully aged. But it's still not good...that totally rubbed me the wrong way. And then she had another date in which the guy basically told her she was "cold hearted" and asked her is "she needed some love". What?! Yea, I would have left too...I think I really did identify with this girl...maybe just a little. She WAS a bit edgy and high maintenance.

Lisa..or Jen..or Lisa. What the hell is up with this chick. You know she is smart...she's a doctor. I can understand not wanting to put a picture up considering she is a doctor and she want's some privacy but hiding the fact from guys and even more so...going by a different name is ridiculous. Her "dating" name is Jennifer but her real name is Lisa. How would you feel if you were on a date with this girl and halfway through the date she drops the "bomb" of "oh yea, I should tell you that I am really a doctor...oh and I'm really Lisa". Yea, I'd think she was a freak and hightail it out of there too. Who cares if she is smart and attractive and has a seemingly fun personality...she's a freak. Telling a guy you are a doctor and what your real first name is not going to hurt anything! I mean...seriously...with that whole approach...her clock is going to be ticking a LOT longer!

Claire...so cute! She's smart...seems to go for the edgy guy...Jason (I think)...too bad she is so totally into him and he seems into her, gets nervous about how well it's going and then dumps her via EMAIL and she's crushed. I've been on both sides of that...yes, I'm guilty of the dumping via email. Confrontation scares me...I'm a libra. The other two guys she went out with were nice but seemingly passive and the other, Hunt, was a "model/actor" who seemed more gay to me and what is up with guys going on dates in jeans and ratty tee shirts?! *sigh* I don't ask for a lot...a tee shirt is fine as long as it's like a nice ribbed one and not some faded, blah stretched out mess!

And let's not forget Amy...the gal living in New York from South Dakota who straight up told this guy that she is "looking for a husband". Now we know that in the long run, people are looking for a mate. The guy or gal that they hope to spend the rest of his or her life with. But to come right out and say it during an initial date. Ummm...a little crazy! I guess that's why she's on Paxil. Her words...not mine.

Tune in Thursdays at 9pm on ABC for some hysterical luaghs that I can, sadly, TOTALLY relate to!

Excuse Me?!

What did you just say to me?! Yea, I don't think so.

So the background...

I must confess that I was giving one of the guys I had previously dated a second chance. I won't say who because I don't want to get yelled at by some of my friends (you know who you are!!) by being so incredibly stupid yet hopeful. It has to do with that whole "coupling" shit. I've been brainwashed. Whatever...come up with whatever excuse you want and we'll go with that.

Anyways, after or at the same time as the V#3 distancing, this guy contacted me and I agreed to meet up again to catch up and we had a fabulous date. Lots of conversation and laughs...probably due to the 5 gallons of sangria we both drank. Gawd, I love sangria! Anyways, after much guilting on his part to see me before I left for tropical Nicaragua, I saw him play (huge hint here!) at a local cafe and we went to dinner. I was cranky for a good portion of the date since I worked 10+ hours that day with no lunch break and had to take the train to see him play. I admit I did want to see him but considering my work load, the fact that I hadn't even packed and was leaving in two days and I was basically stressed, tired and freaking out. Not ideal circumstances for me to be dating. Lesson learned...but he guilted me into it so it's his own damn fault.

Now I was hesitant in even seeing where things might go the first time around because I am picky and there are few things I will put up with. I will NOT put up with constant calling, guilting, smothering and the want or need to be with me 24/7. I have been out of a relationship for over 5 years now and have gotten pretty used to being independant, strong willed, blunt and opinionated. Because of this, I now tend to attract needy, clingy guys who want to be taken care of. Yea, I don't THINK so! Despite me being independant and all that, I would like to be taken care of but have established that I don't need a guy around to do that. But it would be nice to have a guy around for the times I have to drag a 50 pound suitcase or one of those 35 count water bottle packets from Costco up two flights of stairs. I can do it...but I'm pretty winded and tired after that! Anyways, this guy is clingy and needy and honestly, sometimes acts more like a girl than me. I am the GIRL not HIM! That really should have been the clue I listened to. *sigh*

Anyways, while on my vacation, I emailed said guy twice...the second time being the day before I left to come back home. I emailed him on Monday and I came back VERY, VERY early on Tuesday. I basically told him that I brought back a couple of things for him that I thought he would appreciate and that I would call him when I had a chance but it probably wouldn't be Tuesday...the day I got back.

I got in on Tuesday at 1230am, my dad was nice enough to wake up up at 7 in the frickin morning on the only day I got to sleep in and then at 11am...said guy called. Ummm...didn't I say that I would call him?! Why don't guys listen? I had plans with my old neighbor, Kel (hi!) and when we got back, I went grocery shopping and came back to my parent's house where I had crashed for the night. Their place is closer to the airport than mine. Anyways, said guy calls me AGAIN at 5pm and I call him back soon after. He starts in about how he's missed me and when will he see me and then tells me he'll call me back...which he does, about an hour later.

During this phone call...there was a lot of guilt tripping and frustration. He wanted to see me and I kept telling him I couldn't. Hmmm...let's see why. I JUST got back(that same day...helloww!) from a 10 day vacation out of the country...I was still at my parents and had to do errands and pay bills and basically keep two households afloat AND I hadn't even made it HOME yet!! Dude, I haven't stepped foot in my apartment, haven't slept in my own bed for days and frankly, was pretty cranky of suffering days of mosquito bites and heat rash (more details on this coming). I HAD TOLD HIM that I wouldn't be available that day...that I would call HIM and we'd figure things out then! I hate, HATE it when I am not listened to because so many people don't and if I expect anything at all, I expect that my friends (true ones at least) and the guy I am dating, listen to what I am saying and take it to heart. If I say I will call, I will and if I say I can't do something, I can't. It's pretty simple people....really....simple. Not complicated at all. SIMPLE!

So I go off on a mini rant to said guy and tell him I said in my email that I would be busy and he responds to me by saying "I can act cool too. I tell him, "you can act however you want". Have I been acting "cool"? Yes. Why? Because of all the aforementioned neediness, clinginess, constant calling, guilt tripping and basically driving me frigging nuts because starting a relationship with someone shouldn't be that hard. I had sensed it before and stupidly went in to another attempt thinking it would be different and maybe me having distanced myself before made him realize that he was being just a tad intense. Umm...obviously not!

He continues with the wanting to see me and I have to repeat that I am busy, just got in that morning, stayed at my parents, hadn't even been home yet and had errands to run still...and he says, "so THAT'S why you're being so BITCHY". *stunned silence* What?! I say, "I can't believe you just said that to me!" *more silence* and then I tell him, "I think I'd better go now". His response was, "thanks for the call" and I reminded him that "you called me". And his response to THAT was, "oh, I meant, thanks for calling me earlier." Ummm...can we say IDIOT!!

After I hung up, I was surprised that I didn't go off on him because I can't remember the time any guy has ever insinuated I was being or am a bitch. Cranky...yes. Reserved....yes. But a bitch...completely uncalled for. I packed up my stuff, loaded up the car and headed home when my phone rings again. It's him...calling to apologize. All I can say is that I don't understand why he has to see me today and that I will call him later because at this point...I'm over it. I am ticked off, insulted and don't want to get into it with him when I am driving.

I haven't called or emailed him. I think he knows that he crossed the line and if he is calling me a bitch after 4 dates and sporadic conversation over the course of the last two months, what will keep him from doing it again? From insulting me because he isn't getting his way. I may be a forgiving person but I am not stupid. I guess after some reflection, my two friends were originally right (no gloating allowed, 'k). I feel like I need closure in this situation but I cannot bring myself to contact him. To tell him that despite apologizing, I can't do it anymore. I cannot conform to what he wants and he will not allow me to be...me. We obviously want and expect different things out of a relationship. He: someone available to him 24/7. Me: someone to spend some time with, talk to once in a while but also to be able to spend nights by myself or with friends. I value myself, my independance and my values too much to compromise or lose myself to the whims of someone else.

Things of Three = Bad

Yea, so I answered my own question and I am super behind on my blog so this whole story is actually old. But you may remember that I was going out with this guy from Visalia who was V#3 and I was curious if he was actually a good guy who would stick around considering he had the same name as two other friends of mine who are totally cool, good guys. Let's just say that V#3 was a good guy to a certain extent. Meaning that at least he called me to dump me over the phone and didn't pull a complete disappearing act but did just a little. I knew that he was juggling a bunch of girls...six to be exact and that in the end he had narrowed it down to two. Me and "the other girl". After our Date #3, V#3 disappeared for a week and I knew that he was basically distancing himself from me...which I had expected but wish he could have just said what the fuck he was thinking instead of me having to come to my own conclusion and think he was a nimrod. NIMROD! Yea and that's being nice since some of my friends called him an asshole. V#3 still said he wanted to be friends but frankly...do I really want to deal with that?! Yea...I don't really think so.

So I have learned that despite me juggling 3 guys at a time, I don't appreciate knowing that I am one of however many girls some guy is juggling. It's a pretty fucked up feeling and I am thankful that my match stint is coming to an end...in 6 days to be exact.

I am tired of the jerks, stalkers, freaks, momma's boys and nimrods. Aren't there any normal guys out there? I am really starting to doubt it. But I'll get into the mix of things, keep busy and maybe I will be pleasantly surprised at some point....maybe.

I'm Back!

Yes, I am back...finally. And I don't mean "finally" as in "damn, that was the longest trip ever and I kissed the tarmac after I landed"...more like, finally, I can get back into trying to get my life, which seems as though it's in a shambles, in some sort of order. Honestly, I feel like I have neglected myself and I don't know how to take care of myself anymore. I have been so busy putting others in front...my boss, my parents, my siblings and even more so, these stupid fucking guys I have been dating over the past six months. Seriously, online dating takes it's toll and I feel so frazzled, vulnerable and exposed right now just because I have put myself out there in obvious high hopes and those hopes have been dashed to the ground and some annoying, gleeful kid is stomping all over them right now. Something seemingly simple (i.e. meeting cool guy I get along with who I am into and he into me) is beyond my grasp and it frustrates me. I give up! I can't take the dating and the interviewing style and conflicting personalities and the constant "talk". You know, the "as much as I think you're a cool guy/girl(depends what fucking side of the conversation I am on), I just don't feel that we are a good fit/that it will work out/that there is a romantic connection between us". Pick your ending to the sentence...either way...it sucks some serious ass.

So I am now trying to remember what my life was like before trying to "couple". To remember what I liked to do. Remember what it was like to know what you had to do on any given day...ummm...like pay bills. Yea, that concept has almost escaped me on many occasions as I look blankly at the calendar and try to remember what day, week or month we are in since my days run into one another and it's all one huge frustrating blur. Oh crap! It's the 30th...I gotta pay rent. Yea...can't forget to pay rent on time especialy since I am on the shit list with my landlord.

Hmmm...what else? Oh yea...knitting. You know, that thing you do with yarn and two sticks and make for yourself and people. Yea, I got two major projects to finish by the end of the year and have I even started....yea...you sense the answer right?! Ding, ding, ding!! The answer is a huge and resounding NO! Fuck...I gotta knit. Which may actually be a good thing since I already have the supplies and am so damn broke that I should really be a shut in for the next couple of months to at least get my budgeting back in order. *sigh*

Not to mention I have 39 continuing education credits to complete by the end of August for my insurance license at work *yawn* and seriously have to get this done sooner than later. AND do that online real estate course because that may open up more job possibilities for me in a field I do have some interest in. Not necessarily the real estate broker part but more the property management/leasing consultant/mortgage broker side of things. There are so many possibilities with this license but that means studying which also means more being a "shut-in" at home studying or sitting in a coffee shop with this book that is bigger than my ass. Umm...that means pretty big by the way. AND, yea...there's more...and I want to enroll in the legal assisting course at the local college to see if that may be my answer to a higher salary bracket. Did I meantion I was broke?! Oh yea....I did...well, I'm just reminding you!

So, yea...lots to do. Taking dating off my plate is probably a good idea but it's hard to get adjusted to when you've been a hard core dater for a long ass while. I still need to find a new job which pays more than I make now AND paint my apartment. Anyone up for a painting party?! Sangria, beer and pizza is on the house!

And most of all...keeping current on the blog! It's been almost a month. Yea, I know...you're all ticked off too that I haven't updated it. I've been busy!

Wow, I am making myself really tired listing out all the things I need to do in a seemingly limited amount of time. Why is there always so much to do and so little time?!
But I am back...more updates to follow.